Just as there is no “School for Sex” to train you how to have great sex, there is no school to teach you how to have “happily ever after.” I am here to tell you that you can truly have happily ever after if you are willing to invest in what it takes to get it. What I can tell you is that you are guaranteed not to get it if you just wish for it and don’t invest what it takes to achieve it. It is not free. There is still no such thing as a “free lunch”.
You need to understand that there tends to be personality differences that tend to crop up that keeps couples from achieving happily ever after. Generally speaking there are two basic personality styles in how they perceive the world and how they process information. For our purposes, we will give descriptive names to these personality styles. There are “feeler emotional types” and “logical thinker types”. These personality types are also pictured in politics. Feeler Emotional Types tend to best be represented by the Democratic Party. Then there are the Logical Thinker Types. These are best represented by the Republican Party. There is a further sexual differentiation in that “Feeler Emotional Types” tends to be represented by women. The “Logical Thinker Types” tend to be represented most by men. It can also be represented by right handed or left handed. This is also used to describe the political parties in that Democrats are portrayed as “left wing” and the Republicans are described as “right wing”
The “logical thinker” would say that: “2 + 2=4 and it will always be 4 and you can factually and logically prove that 2+2=4.” The “feeler emotional” would say that: “Who are you to try and cram your opinion down my throat. My opinion is just as important as yours and I say that 2+2=5. Just because you say it and you think that you can prove it, means nothing, my feelings say that it is 5 and you can’t change my mind”. Can you see that these two individuals will never solve a problem?
We can look to a few outside influences in order to reconcile these two personality types. We can look to Mr. Miaggi from the The Karate Kid. We can also look to the Bible to resolve this and we can look to History as well. Mr.Miaggi told Danielsan that the key to life is “focus and balance”. Focus means that we need to give our full attention and talents to resolve the problems. You can’t do it half way, you have to be fully committed to resolving the problem. Balance means that you can’t resolve the problem when you are completely entrenched on your own side. Problem solving means a recognition of the other side and their position as well as the two parties coming the middle and both being willing to compromise.
The Bible says: There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Proverbs 14:12 In other words, his feelings will lead him astray. If you recall, sin came into the world based upon the feelings of Eve. She was jealous, resentful and rebellious over God’s command not to eat of the Tree of the Fruit of the knowledge of Good and Evil. Jesus was killed based upon the feelings of the Jewish religious leaders because they were losing their position of leadership because of Jesus calling the people to a higher morality.
Feelings by the selves are very dangerous. The reason for this is that feelings are very easy to manipulate. You can manipulate the feelings of a two year old. On the other hand you can’t manipulate nearly so easily sound decisions based upon facts and logic. 2+2 still equals 4. There are tons of examples from history where feelings were manipulated to great harm to our society. All of the wars in history were based upon feelings. Hitler got the German society to agree to kill all the Jews based upon feelings. We in our country declared that blacks were not legally defined persons based entirely upon feelings in the Dred Scott Decision. While feelings are important and need to be considered, they should never take priority over facts and logic. In other words feelings need to be checked against the standard of facts and logic.
Now there are always exceptions to these general rules. I list them because it helps to understand why couples fight and don’t get along. It is why Democrats and Republicans fight and can’t get along. The key is to understand these types and work to get along in spite of these differences. The ideal situation is if you have two individuals in the relationship with the same personality type. When you don’t it is imperative for both parties in the relationship to move to the center as much as possible.
Part of the problem is that each personality type has such a clear mental image in their mind about how they perceive things. The feeler emotional has little interest in facts and logic, but their perception is about feelings and perceptions. Facts and logic are a handicap and barrier for people “getting in touch with their feelings”. Once in touch with those feelings, then their feelings are clear and unambiguous and the solution is obvious because it is “felt”. The feeler emotional type gets angry because the “logical thinker” types says, that those feelings don’t make sense and the feeler has not considered the logical implications to a complex issue. The problem is, is that both types are speaking completely different languages and do not communicate well.
Imagine if you will, no matter what side you are on, if you are predominantly left handed and for some reason that you had to get your left hand amputated, you would be severely crippled. The same holds true if you are right handed. Therefore, it makes the most sense to be ambidextrous. In that way, if you got one hand amputated, you would not be nearly so crippled. If both people meet in the middle and look at the big picture instead of just one side, then the problems can be resolved.
This can also be explained that if you are truly looking to make your partner happy instead of just getting your way and the other partner is equally motivated, then you can resolve differences and achieve “Happily Ever After”. The problem arises when one side gets completely entrenched in getting their own way and become self centered and self absorbed. Again, I would remind you to review the movies The Breakup and War of The Roses. These feelings and emotions are clearly demonstrated in these movies and life lessons are to be learned from these movies. These movies reflect life and how couples get so entrenched in winning the battle that they lose their relationship. Clearly learning to adapt to differing personality types is imperative in having the “happily ever after” that you seek.