I have come to understand how conflicted women are about their sexuality. I have surfed numerous blogs and made comments on them about women wearing lacy frilly lingerie for their men. I unleashed a firestorm. As a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, I work with couples to resolve their relationshjp and sexual problems.
Almost all women grew up with the fantasy about “living happily ever after”. Far too often this has been a self centered fantasy with the woman giving little consideration as what that looks like and means for the man in her life. I suggested that women ask their husbands a question and promising not to get mad at his answer, would he like to see her in lacy frilly lingerie when she comes to bed at night? The answer is obvious for the vast majority of men. I point out that why would you want to deny a pleasure that the husband wants and desires if you love him? It costs you nothing and it is another way to honor him and show him respect. It might not be the woman’s thing but it is the husband’s. If you had a cat, would you feed it hay and say that it was love. You would feed the cat what it needs and that is meat.
I challenge women everywhere to ask your husband the following question; In what way can I be a better wife to you sexually”. Youu have to promise him that you won’t get angry with his answer and then listen to the answer without getting defensive. Men are not forthcoming with their feelings because most wives don’t make it safe for him to express those feelings. This hurts your relationship and the communication between you and your hubby.
Far too many women are inhibited by their parents and the church indoctrinating them about sex when they were girls. They said that it was bad, dirty and wrong and that “good girls don’t do it” Sadly, by the time a woman is ready to embrace her sexuality, she is so negatively conditioned about sex that sadly it affects her for the rest of her life. Sex is a gift from God. You don’t ever hear that preached from a pulpit or from a sunday school lesson. They don’t tell you about the biblical quotes encouraging us to have a great sex life.
Women can’t relax and enjoy and be comfortable with their sexuality. They also tend to feel self conscious about their body image. Men don’t care, they like to see their women in frilly feminine things. Not only did I get hate speech vomited all over me over this issue, sadly women tend to do the same thing to their husbands. Men learn to shut up and keep their feelings to themselves because it is not safe to open up to the wife if she perceives anything remotely critical of her. She verbally berates the husband. Women are telling men that we are bad, perverted and wrong for desiring lacy frilly lingerie. It is a point of view and should not be disprespected. Women can’t take any critique but feel no compunction over vomiting critique over men and their husbands.
In Europe, people are much more comfortable with sexuality. We have been raised in a highly puritanical society. The discussion of sex or lingerie makes most people highly uncomfortable. Why, we are all adults. Sex is one of the big 3 that couples fight about. We have a 50% divorce rate in this country. Kids are the victims and are traumatized and damaged as the result of that divorce.
We are also in a society that is reeking of misandry (reverse sexism by women against men). I speak for the vast majority of men who can’t speak up for fear of being bombarded by women in general and their wives in particular.
I teach couples to resolve conflicts peacefully without verbally bashing each other and without the name calling. I stress respect not the use of verbal clubs as equalizers.
If you would like help with your relationship or sexuality, I am here to help. I offer a free half hour consultation and a money back guarantee.