It is natural to want to strike back at someone who has hurt you. Remember the words of God; Revenge is mine sayeth the Lord
Is Revenge a Bad Thing?
When it comes to revenge, keeping a clear head is important – it’s never a good idea to let yourself get too carried away. It’s also important to keep in mind that as much as we love a good get-even tale, all too often it ends up being a colossal waste of time and energy spent on someone who’s just not worth it. In fact, according to Barbara Feld, LCSW, a therapist with Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City, even though it might make you feel good, there are “very few positives” when it comes to seeking revenge. “It keeps you obsessed with your ex and doesn’t help you let go and move on with your life,” she says. “[Revenge] drives passion, and allows hate to really drive the whole system,” adds Feld, pointing out that this negative energy can actually be damaging to you.
So what does she suggest? Find a more positive way to channel your energy. Rather than allowing this ex to run your life, Feld says you should zero in on yourself. “Making a good life for yourself is the best revenge in a weird way.” Besides, she says, “Who knows if he’s even paying attention?”
David, from Madison, AL, says he tries to follow Feld’s advice and leaves any vengeful acts up to karma. “I find it much safer and saner to just bide my time,” he says. “When fate deals my object of vengeance a bad hand in life I just secretly take credit for it. This way, I get to feel satisfaction without doing something stupid.”
No matter how much someone has hurt you and how badly you want to lash out, remember that acting on your vengeful fantasies could actually hold you back – and the last thing you want is to be tied to someone who made you feel this way. “The truth is that you just have to let go,” says Feld. As she explains, your top priority should be moving on with your fabulous life – without that awful ex.
Tell us: How do you feel about revenge? Have you ever done something to get even with an ex?
Kathryn H. Cusimano is an assistant editor at BettyConfidential.