Its The Little Things, Another Great Guest Post

I was on another blog which I will not mention on here because I don’t want to give them any publicity. A young woman was posing the question about what she should do about her boyfriend who was going to college to be a teacher while she was going to law school. She stated that she never thought of her relationship being that of the breadwinner. I took her to task suggesting that she would not be the bread winner but just make more money than her boyfriend future husband. He would contribute, and she would contribute to THEIR MONEY she was not going to be the bread winner. She was considering dumping the “perfect boyfriend” simply because he would not make more money than she would, a notion heavily promoted by her parents.

I was attacked and called names even the the majority of the posters on the blog basically agreed with my position.l I was told that I was too blunt and took her out at the knees. These were the civil remarks. There were several others who attacked me, made fun of me and ganged up on me. I am a big boy, but they were not indicating their disagreement with me but using personal attacks.

This is indicative of many in our society. If they percieve any critique, they go on the attack and all the more if they can get a frew friends to join in the attack. Is this how you handle critique. It is not helpful nor mature.

Some commented negatively calling me a perv because I suggested that women give their husbands more sex and offer them oral sex. I talked about the rampant misandry in this country ( reverse sexism by women against men). They suggested that men could just masturbate or go out and cheat. If feminists really believed in equal rights then the man would have a night on and the woman could have the next night off. That is equality. The feminsts disargreed with that notion of course and I was called a misogynist, sexist pervert wtih a penis the size of a cocktail wiener.

So I decided to post this guest post of a woman who has her head screwed on straight about what is really important. So read and consider what is important and what a woman’s role should be in a relationship with a man. So read away and tell me what you think.

Here is the link to her blog http://chanellemonique.wordpress.com/2010/07/26/its-the-little-things/#comment-85

The Little Things That Count
They say out of tragedy comes triumph, and while I’ve gone through my own personal experience of tragedy I’m still waiting for my triumph to come along. I’ve been through a great deal in my life, and like anyone who has gone through anything substantial I’ve been left a forever changed woman. I see myself as the same woman I always was when it comes to my morals, worth, and foundation, but my experiences have caused me to reevaluate what is really important and what I truly value.

In a world where money is king and materialism floods the world like the rains of hurricane Katrina once the levees failed on New Orleans it’s easy to see how some get swept up in the superficial and forgetting what truly matters. I have a friend who like all too many is a product of this materialistic world we live in. Whenever I ask how he’s doing his answer remains steady and unchanging he’s fine but staying on his grind trying to stack his dough, get that paper, and retire by the time he’s forty-five. After you’ve heard it twice you’ve heard it a million times. While I think it’s fantastic someone is so dedicated to their career, and goals I can’t help but feel sorry for him and others who can’t see happiness in their lives without money. While those that are religious pray and worship to whomever their almighty God is, there are far too many worshipping the almighty Dollar. No Creflo.

While money is important and necessary to our very existence it isn’t everything. Of course having it makes everything easier, allows one to live a comfortable lifestyle, and can buy you the finer things in life, but that’s not enough for me. In my opinion the things most important are the things that money can’t buy. I won’t sit here and lie to anyone saying I don’t wish I had more of the spendable green stuff because I do, but not for the reasons most think. I’ll admit I’m a girl who absolutely loves purses, and adores shoes so much that my shoe habit is a borderline addiction, and whose taste is a bit more on the side of Dior than Dollar General but those things are not the most important things to me. I don’t wish for the type of money Oprah has, but I would like the type of money that would have my family, friends and I comfortable for the rest of our lives. I’d make sure that no one ever feared losing their house, as we all have found out in an economy like this foreclosure is just a missed mortgage payment away for any of us. Sallie Mae would no longer be the bitch that harasses us monthly with her hand out, but rather a distant memory, and the all too familiar phrase “I can’t go or do that because my money is funny” wouldn’t exist. Whatever needs my family and friends have would be taken care of and that’s a better gift to me than even the most beautiful Christian Louboutin pumps.

One thing my friend who insists he’ll be retired by forty-five and I do have in common is family. Family is the most important thing to us, but unlike me he believes the key to their happiness as well as his own is money, while I on the other hand understand money would be an added bonus, but definitely isn’t going to make or break our happiness. Family…It’s all we got, we only have one and whether I’m dirt poor or filthy rich they’re going to love me regardless and there’s nothing more valuable than that. So while we’re all spending that money as though it flows like water, it’s only fair for us to spend more time with family and friends.

Most materialistic items bought are sure to depreciate in value, but time spent with family and friends grows in worth, is appreciated and leaves us with enough memories to last a lifetime. We’re not going to be here forever so while we are we have to use the time we’ve got. There’s no going back once our time is up once someone dear to us has been called to their eternal home. So the next time you reach in your purse or wallet to make that next purchase for a friend or family member remember the gesture is nice, but nine times out of ten they’d trade it for a little more time spent with you. If you don’t’ believe me just ask someone who’s recently been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer who has only been given two months left to live, or someone who just lost someone would they rather have a brand new Bentley or their loved one back. I promise you they’d choose the little things over the materialistic any day.

18 Responses to Its The Little Things, Another Great Guest Post

  1. Trent says:

    My husband (as we got married in Canada) came into the relationship knowing I have less money than him as I am disabled. Jamie never brings it up, never prevents me from accessing the combined fund.

    You don’t marry for money you marry for love and the ability to be happy togather. If someone makes the choice on marriage partners based on finances they deserve the divorce that hey will experience in five years.

  2. Hey Trent;

    Thanks for the kind words, I was viciously attacked for suggesting such a thing on the other blog.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • Trent says:

      It seems that people are becoming (or maybe I am just seeing it as I get older) more calculating, callous and self-serving. The people attacking you for speaking facts really should look deep into themselves, if they based their relationship solely on what the other person could bring into the relationship then they need to wonder how long will it be before they see their relationship crash and burn.

      When I met Jamie (and yes love at first sight does occur) I was honest and up front, told him I was crazier than a mad hatter and so broke that homeless people throw change at me. He didnt run away, ten years later through hell and highwater we are still togather. Which amazes a lot of our gay friends as they seem to not be able to make a relationship last past the 6 month date.

      It really isnt amazing, it is called be brutally honest about yourself and lay all the cards on the table with the person you see yourself growing old with.

      Jamie is still here even though our sex life isn’t the best due to the psych meds I am on. He is still here even though I am still technically broke, his money is my money and vice versa he says. and the list goes on and on that I could add to he is still here.

      I watch a financial expert (Suze Orman) every so often and she angers me so much when she gives relationship advice; she tells people to not saddle themselves with people whoa re in debt, to get their fico score and on and on. Maybe she should stick with hard line money advice and let you help with relationship advice.

      Keep up the good work and remember people don’t like hearing the truth because it really does hurt sometimes.

  3. Trent says:

    And I understand and appreciate if my exact life does not blend well with your views; I just still felt the need to tell you that your points are valid and should not have been attacked.

  4. Well you sound like you have your head screwed on straight and have a great guy who understands unconditional love. Jesus was always broke.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  5. I love reading your blog. You’re very sex savvy lol

  6. Hey Eyes
    Thanks for the kind words. You would not believe how many women beat me up for my views. I guess the truth hurts.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  7. roguesophia says:

    One night on, one night off is NOT equality if she wants it less than once a week. “Equality” would be the half way point, wherever that is.

    And it’s not sexist to say NO. Saying NO is empowerment. Making women think that they should have sex even with they don’t want to is encouraging rape. I will be willing to argue the point.

    • I don’t agree with your assesment. There are too many women who want it once a month so by your calculation it would be twice a month.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

  8. Nice journal you have written

  9. annuaire says:

    This website is awesome. I constantly come across something new & different right here. Thank you for that data.

  10. I found your weblog on google and check several of the early posts. I just added your blog to my RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Looking forward to reading through additional blogsfrom you later on!…

  11. Hey Margery
    Thanks for the affirmations
    John Wilder

  12. Candice says:

    Just wanted to add on the topic of monetary contribution to marriage that equity is good for the long term health of the marriage.

    I recognise that partners can contribute in many ways including housework, maintenance etc, not just money. I’d never suggest dumping a perfect partner just because they earn less, but I would expect diligence and frugality.

    However, a naive person hearing that “money should not matter” can make foolish decisions that are regreted later – e.g. by marrying a person who is not a good manager of family resources and who will impoverish them.

    ….. being the sole breadwinner / worker / contributor sucks big time and leads to huge resentment. Likewise, allowing a partner to slack off and not contribute is bad for their self-esteem….

    I spent many years as a sole bread winner and now I see how much better other couples have done because they both worked and planned for a great present and future.

    If you manage your resources better, ultimately you have more to use helping others if charity is your goal.

    I wish I had shown ‘tough love’ and insisted on a greater contribution.

  13. Hey Candice
    Always nice to have you stop by and comment.

    This post is close to home for me. I put myself and my ex wife through school at the same time. While I had the GI Bill, I had to work 3 different jobs to keep us afloat. I persuaded her to stay in school when she wanted to give up.

    Now my degree were not marketable and so she had to work, although she was never the sole bread winner. I contributed by doing all the cooking, taking care of the yard and the cars and much of the laundry and
    and housework.

    She would routinely say Fuck you in anger. She would put me down to my children. Ironically, she could never bring herself to actually say fuck me in passion. That was bad, dirty and wrong. I divorced her because I could no longer take the disrespect.
    John

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