12 Techniques Women Wished That Men Knew for Better Sex

I copied and pasted this great guest post from Men’s Health who does a pretty good job giving sex advice. The number one complaint that I get about men from women in my practice is that their men are lousy and self centered in bed. OUCH! Men, you need to do better in order to get more sex. Girls want to have fun to and climax as well. What she does not want is to feel like a piece of meat that you used to get off. So read the piece and learn something new today.

We scoured the latest studies, grilled dozens of experts, and polled more than 700 women to come up with this spankin’-new list of 12 rules guaranteed to make you a better lover—tonight.

By turning her fantasies into reality, she’ll be more likely to agree to act out your wildest sex dreams. And she’ll want sex more often, so things will only get better every time you get naked with her.
Greater Focus Leads to Hotter Sex
What’s the best way to unlock a woman’s wildest desires in bed? “Passion,” said 42 percent of the women we surveyed. “That means being in the moment and not being distracted,” says Joel Block, Ph. D., a Long Island-based psychologist and the author of Secrets of Better Sex. “Sex is a conversation, and she doesn’t want to feel like you wish you had your BlackBerry.”

A woman takes attendance during sex in many ways, and the strongest signal you can send comes from your mouth. More than 90 percent of women we surveyed said a man’s primal panting turns them on. But use words over Tarzan grunts, if you can. “You want to reassure her, ‘Do that more,’ ‘That feels so good,’ or ‘Oh, I love that,’ ” says Logan Levkoff, Ph. D., a New York City-based sexologist and the author of Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be. Beyond giving her a confidence boost, the extra sensory seduction intensifies the experience.

Nonverbal communication is important, too. Bursts of eye contact, lip nibbles, and any other kind of physical or verbal communication shows her she’s the one pushing your buttons, not some fantasy fembot in your head. If the soulful eye lock’s not for you, bury your face in her neck, run the tip of your tongue from her collarbone to her earlobe, and whisper why she’s driving you crazy.

Foreplay Can Be the Main Event
“‘Foreplay’ is a terrible word because it implies that it’s leading to something more important,” says sexuality counselor Beverly Whipple, Ph. D., R. N., a coauthor of The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. “You’ll both have more fun if you think of it as sex play and make it about discovering and enjoying each other, not just reaching the finish line.”

The women we surveyed agreed: Two in five said their last orgasm occurred during foreplay itself, not intercourse. What’s more, when asked to rank their partners’ bedroom skills, the women’s top two complaints were a lack of sexual creativity and subpar manual sex skills, in that order. Ouch.

Your move? Tell her you want to go three sack sessions sans penetration. Ditching the same old script—foreplay, sex, cuddling—will help your creative instincts spring to life. Bonus: Sexual novelty re-creates those early-relationship, take-me-now hormones, says psychiatrist Daniel Amen, M. D., the author of Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life.

Pleasure isn’t Satisfaction
The good news is you can give a woman both. In a Kinsey Institute study, both women and men agreed that sex without condoms feels better—but women said using protection actually helps them feel more satisfied overall in the sack. Even those using hormonal birth-control methods felt the effect: When they used condoms, they reported a 17.5 percent higher rate of overall satisfaction with their sex lives. Why? This one’s a no-brainer. When women worry less (say, about STDs), they enjoy themselves more.

Gentle” Means More than That
“That word is a woman’s code telling you to be more sensitive to her cues,” says Block. The more nerve-dense the hot spot is on a woman’s body, the more careful your approach should be.

Clitoral contact in particular feels abrasive without a proper warmup, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of How to Be a Great Lover. If a woman yips or inhales suddenly when you go there—instead of purring or moaning—you’ve jumped the gun.

Use indirect stimulation first, paying careful attention to her reactions as a guide. The nerve-packed clitoris actually extends several inches under the skin on either side of her vagina (like a wishbone), which means you can massage it without direct pressure to the bud. Trace the extensions with flat, wide, extra-wet tongue strokes or slow finger zigzags. (Don’t forget lube.) Then rub a slow spiral around the top, drawing closer with each pass. The combo of anticipation and indirect contact will bring her pleasure centers to life.

If she coos, you’ve found her sweet spot. If she fidgets or gasps, take a step back.

Climate is Crucial for Climax
Egyptian cotton and dimmer switches can’t hurt, but your love chamber’s thermostat is just as important, according to Dutch sex researchers. “At the beginning of our trials, only 50 percent of our female subjects were able to reach orgasm,” says study author Gert Holstege, M. D., Ph. D., chairman of the center for uroneurology at the University of Groningen, in the Netherlands. “But we learned they were uncomfortable because they had cold feet. We gave them socks, and 80 percent reached orgasm.”

The socks aren’t the secret, though. “The amygdala and prefrontal cortex—the brain areas responsible for anxiety, fear, and danger signals—strongly decrease their activation during orgasm,” says Dr. Holstege. “A pleasant environment, which includes the room temperature, is an important part of making her feel safe, secure, and comfortable,” he adds.

“Imagine the ideal day at the beach,” says Tristan Taormino, director of Vivid Entertainment’s porn series Chemistry. “You want it just warm enough that she’s happy to shed a layer or two, but not so hot that you’ll end up drenched once you exert yourself.

Positions Need a Purpose
“There’s no need to be overly fancy during sex—the very best positions are the ones that focus on the clitoris,” says Levkoff. Want to amp up her pleasure without risking a hamstring cramp? Ditch the flesh pretzel for these modified standards. They’re all designed to boost stimulation to her clitoris, which has even more nerve endings than the head of your penis.

1. Missionary
Instead of in-and-out thrusting, “have her grind against you in circles,” says sex expert Tracey Cox, author of Secrets of a Supersexpert. “Keep as much of the base of your penis in contact with her outer lips as possible.” Another option: Place two or three pillows under her butt to lift it off the bed at an angle. You’ll rub against her more when thrusting.

2. Girl on Top
Make a V with two fingers, and place it so the point of the V (just between the two knuckles) is directly over her clitoris. Your fingers should come down on either side of your penis as she rides you. “This will stimulate the clitoris, inner labia, and urethra—as well as add intensity for you,” Cox says.

3. Doggy-Style
“Have her lift her butt up or spread out your legs to move down and touch the supersensitive vaginal wall,” Cox says. Then reach around to play with her clitoris using your fingers. (Use a small vibrator for extra intensity.) For over-the-top stimulation of her most nerve-packed parts, “keep thrusting short and shallow, rather than deep and fast.”

Don’t End Quickies with “Thanks!”
Only half of all women can reach orgasm when sex lasts 10 minutes or less, according to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. “That means during a quickie, you’ll probably finish and she won’t,” says Levkoff.

If she doesn’t orgasm, make sure you’ll have access to future rapid-fire sessions by saying, “Later tonight, it’s going to be all about you.” Then follow through on that promise. Leave her hanging too many times, and she won’t stick around for long.

The G-Spot Has Friends. Find Them
You’re goal-oriented. Good. But the G-spot and the clitoris aren’t the only bull’s-eyes. “The most recent anatomical research suggests that the clitoris is perhaps better described as the ‘clitoral complex,’ where the vagina, urethra, and clitoris all function as a unit rather than as individual parts,” explains Kinsey Institute researcher and Men’s Health columnist Debby Herbenick, Ph. D.

Try working that clitoral complex by hitting multiple hot spots at once. Some researchers believe there’s something called an A-spot, located far inside the vagina on the side closest to her belly button. “Stroke this spot and she’ll lubricate almost instantly,” Cox says. “Put one lubed finger into her vagina as far as it will comfortably go. Use the whole length of your finger to explore the front wall of her vagina.”

Now triple the sensation: Stick both index and middle finger inside her, and stick out your thumb like you’re hitchhiking. It’ll pull your fingers more snugly against her vaginal walls, stimulating both A-spot and G-spot simultaneously. Then use your thumb to also stimulate her clitoris, and gently twist your hand

“Ready” is All Relative
“Just because a woman is lubricated doesn’t mean she’s ready for sex,” says Richters. Your woman’s real prime time comes once she reaches a phase of arousal called “uterine tenting.” It’s just like it sounds: The uterus backs out of the way and the vagina grows in length by as much as an inch.

“You’ll experience deeper penetration, and the vagina will provide an intense grip to the head of your penis,” says Barbara Keesling, Ph. D., a lecturer on human sexuality at California State University at Fullerton and the author of Men in Bed. “The orgasms are incredible.”

Keesling says the best position is the butterfly: “Have her lie on her back and pull her knees up to her shoulders, tilting her pelvis so her vagina points up almost to the ceiling,” she says.

Since tenting can take anywhere from 30 seconds to, well, forever, focus on synchronizing the stimulation between your penis and her outer lips before entering her. Lie pressed against each other with your penis snug between her legs, allowing her to slide and rub against you while you use your hands and mouth elsewhere. The warm, slick, and firm contact will bring her to a boil in no time.

Want to Have Sex? Do the Dishes
“If a woman is distracted by anything—work, lack of sleep, chores, a fight she had with a friend—it can interfere with her arousal,” says Whipple. Seven in 10 women we surveyed said helping around the home was a turn-on, but men do only about 30 percent of the chores, according to the Council on Contemporary Families. The women we surveyed said they’d be most grateful if you did the dishes, cooked dinner, and did the laundry, in that order. Score bonus points: Don’t brag

Don’t Make Orgasm Your Only Goal
Desperation sinks her sex drive: A 2008 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that stress about sexual performance significantly decreases female arousal.

“Whatever you do, don’t look up and ask, ‘Are you close?’ or ‘Did you come?'” Whipple says. “It’s distracting, and it adds unnecessary pressure.” See if you’re on the right track by asking questions such as, “Do you like that?” and “Should I keep doing that?” instead.

And if you’re waiting for her to reach orgasm during penetration, it’s sometimes better to finish first, rather than holding out for half an hour. “Women don’t have orgasms every time, and they know it’s not necessarily their partner’s fault,” Whipple says.

So take turns, Levkoff says. “You can always go back and use your hands and fingers to please her, if she’s still turned on.”

15 Responses to 12 Techniques Women Wished That Men Knew for Better Sex

  1. […] 12 Techniques Women Wished That Men Knew for Better Sex … […]

  2. wittywife says:

    John! You missed the point!

    The original article was about how men can help please their partners better in bed.

    You go on to write:
    “The number one complaint that I get about men from women in my practice is that their men are lousy and self centered in bed. OUCH! Men, you need to do better in order to get more sex.”

    You say in the first sentence that men are self centered in bed, but the last sentence makes it about the man again – that the point of you posting this is about men getting more sex. Not sure what you were going for on this one.

    Also, funny how you refer to men as men, but women as girls. Nice touch.

    As far as the Men’s Health article, I agree with some of what they mention, but it still baffles me how women still have such a hard time. I’d guess that some of it is in their head, and some of it is because they really DO have lousy self serving partners, with a few other more obscure issues sprinkled in here or there.

  3. John Wilder says:

    I am suggesting to men to do it better. The payoff for them is more and better sex. In other words, you can’t just beat a man verbally, but you must reinforce to him that there will be a reward for better behavior.

    Women like to be referred to as girls. They even did it in Golden Girls. Get over yourself, it is not meant in any condascending way.

    You might be well adjusted, but you would not believe how many women are very conflicted over sex and self image.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

  4. wittywife says:

    How about the payoff is that they make their partner happy too?

    Women like to be referred to as girls? Says who?

  5. The number one complaint that I get about men from women in my practice is that their men are lousy and self centered in bed. OUCH! Men, you need to do better in order to get more sex. Girls want to have fun to and climax as well. What she does not want is to feel like a piece of meat that you used to get off. So read the piece and learn something new today.

    What part of this did you not understand. I am defining the problem for men, (women not happy with their performance in bed, fix it and here are some suggestions, and girls want to have climaxes too) and you will get more sex (which is the biggest complaint that I get from men about women)

    As to women liking to be called girls, I let my girlfriend read your post and she said, it is a compliment to be referred to as a girl and that you should get over yourself. You are being way to too nitpicky. My grandma likes to be referred to as a girl or one of the girls. I suspect your hyper developed sense of feminism is at play here. Why is it that women when they go out together do they refer to it as “girls night out” they don’t say women’s night out? If that is all that you can find fault with I feel fine.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  6. wittywife says:

    Wow, so you have one friend that likes to be called a girl so we all must be okay with it?

    Ha, John, you come to my blog every day. I’m practically anti-feminist. I don’t blame the big bad men for all of my problems or for holding me back. Many ‘modern’ women have ruined things for everyone with their ever changing views.

    That still doesn’t mean that a woman with two children would think it’s appropriate to be called a ‘girl.’

  7. You did not answer my question about the “girls night out”. You have chosen to take offense where clearly none was intended. I still say that you are being way to picky. As to the feminist bit, I was poking you and showing you how you were coming off in the hopes that you would get it. Clearly you have not. So I am sorry for having offended you. I was trying to get men to take sex more seriously when it comes to pleasing their women. Even when I am rooting for your side, you take offense, gets discouraging.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  8. wittywife says:

    John, I hope you realize that your comments on my blog are just as negative and discouraging as mine are on yours. We’re both trying to accomplish the same things, but have wildly different viewpoints.

    To answer your question, I get what you’re saying about Girls Night Out.. I just don’t know anyone who has called it that since they were in college, when in fact, yes, they probably were girls.

  9. John Wilder says:

    Yes I do know, I was just trying to give you a dose of your own medicine. As far as the negative about texging your hubby every hour, while it is sweet and loving, men generally would feel it is clingy when they are at work.

    As to the girls night out, housewives and women have girls night out all the time. I don’t know why you choose to be so prickly about this issue but it is common parlance.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  10. John Wilder says:

    Punch into Google Girls night out and there are over 8 pages of ideas for women to have a girls night out to prove my point. You are off base on this one.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  11. Marialatin says:

    Thanks for sharing the article. I think it is an excellent start for a discussion.

    Many men know nothing about how to satisfy a women and many women know nothing about their own bodies and don’t communicate about sex with their partners. So if there are problems, it sits squarely on the shoulders of both parties.

    Some men focus on numbers instead of skill, and that presents a problem in developing sexual skill. High number men have short term relationships, and don’t stick around long enough to get feedback. Moreover, they miss out on the opportunity to work on technique in the comfortable safe environment of two lovers getting to know one another.

    The other side of the problem is the sexual inhibitions of women. Men learn about how their parts work by self-exploration, I am not sure how many women do the same. Men have it right, sexual satisfaction starts with knowing your own body.

    • Hey Marialatin”

      Thanks for the kind words. It is in large part the fault of the churches. They teach and preach nothing but thou shalt nots about sex. They teach little girls that sex is dirty, bad and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. By the time they are ready to embrace their sexuality, they have a hard time enjoying their sexuality. You never hear all the positive commands about having a great sex life in the bible..

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

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