What Men Want From a Woman In a Relationship

I am not big on the game or the rules. I believe they are just a way to play games and none of us really wants to play games. We want honest relationships. Men and women are both guiltyof game playing, STOP IT!

I believe in honestly communicating needs. This many times does not happen because we are afraid of being mocked or made fun of or being told off, so we feel like we have to hide what we really want.

Men want and NEED respect even more than they need sex. They need to feel like they are your personal hero. They want to be appreciated for how hard they try to please their women. Honest appreciation goes a long way to motivating more supportive behavior.

Too many women see themselves as their man’s “critic in chief”, it is not helpful for your relationship.

Men want their women to be accepting of their sexuality and NEVER making fun of or ridiculing it. They also want their women to get over their inhibitions and become sexually adventurous. I know that many women have more negative body issues over frilly lacy lingerie than they do swimsuits. Your man only cares about seeing you in lacy frilly lingerie because most men like it and I am not talking about just for sex, but all the time, lacy bras and panties as well as lacy nightgowns.

Men think differently than women do, this does not make us wrong, just different. I once saw a bumper sticker that said; “suppose there is a man in the woods, if he says something and there is no woman there to hear it, is he still wrong”?

When it comes to arguing, it is much better to have a collaborative problem solving attitude rather than getting your feelings hurt and bemoaning how lousy your guy is. Isn’t it better to say; “In what way can we resolve this?” Make the problem your enemy, not your husband. Become collaborative rather than combative.

Follow these simple directions for your married life for 30 days and see if it does not make a huge difference in your relationship with your man.

Guys, let me know if I left anything out here.

Blessings to all who read this.
John Wilder

14 Responses to What Men Want From a Woman In a Relationship

  1. minxy says:

    When I read your posts I find it’s the other way round for me sometimes. I am the one who is adventurous in bed, wears sexy things night and day, constantly trying to encourage and supposrt my husband. What happens when I get nothing in return? What happens when he laughs at my kink and won’t be involved? What should I do to get him to dress up for me? How can I make him support me and maybe once in a while take me out…rather than another movie night in?

    He knows what I want. I am sick of asking. I love him. I want to be his wife (I just wish sometimes he’d be my husband!)

    • I have read your posts and you have my deepest sympathies. It is hurtful to a woman’s ego to be taken for granted and ignored. Your husband does not deserve you. I am all too well familiar with stories similar to yours. Your husband is indeed cruel.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

  2. wittywife says:

    John, one thing to point out –

    I’m completely understanding of a man’s need to be respected. Respect, however, isn’t something anyone deserves, it’s something they earn.

    If a woman doesn’t respect her husband, there could be a few issues:
    1) She’s just uncaring and unappreciative
    2) He doesn’t deserve it

    “Your man only cares about seeing you in lacy frilly lingerie..” John, do a poll on this. While I agree that most men like lingerie, I can’t agree with your assertion that all, if not most, like lace. I think that’s your personal preference.

  3. I can understand that there are some men who don’t like lace but most do. The key is to ask your husband what he would like if he had his way and then dress accordingly. All you have to do is go to men’s magazines and the models in addition to being nude also pose in some lacy lingerie or satin with lacy trim. Yes it is my preference but most other men I have talked to agree. I don’t need to do a study of it, it is self explanatory.

    If you give respect, it is amazing how much a guy will try to live up to it and if you don’t give it, a lot of guys will live down to your vision of them.

    Blessing on you and yours
    John Wilder

  4. wittywife says:

    John,
    that’s not scientific. Most of the people I know like living in cities. Do you know why? Because we all live in a city. Does that mean MOST people like living in cities? Most of my friends like baseball. Do you know why? Because I like baseball so I choose to have friends that also like to head out to the ballgames…See where I’m going with this?

    As far as respect goes, we’ll agree to disagree. If I constantly berated my husband in front of other people, or nagged him to death at home about chores and such, I can guarantee you that he probably wouldn’t feel very much respect for me, and probably rightly so – I didn’t deserve it and wasn’t earning it.

    If I don’t respect my husband, and he ‘lives down to my vision of him’, I have no sympathy. That shows he has no self-respect, and that’s a big problem. He’s an adult, and control his own behavior. If he ‘lives down’, it’s because of his own actions. If a friend of mine is continually mean to me, yet I stay friends with her and become submissive to her crazy antics, that’s my own fault for putting up with it.

  5. Hey Wittywife.

    Who says that I have to be scientific?

    Far too many women don’t respect their husbands and are excessively perfectionisitic. Believe me on this or not.

    I have 60 years of talking to guys about women and sex and lingerie. Call it anecdotal evidence.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  6. wittywife says:

    “Who says that I have to be scientific?”

    No one, except when you put yourself out there as a ‘marriage coach’ and are trying to build a reputation, when you say “most men” in regard to a certain topic, you’re implying that what you’re saying is factual and the truth and that people should believe you since you’re a ‘marriage coach’, when in fact, this is just your opinion.

    If you want people to take you seriously, call it what it is; if it’s a fact, say what it is and back it up with evidence, and if it’s your belief or opinion, just say so.

  7. You hit the nail on the head: respect is vital! I never had it and now that I’m divorced I really don’t think it exists.

    • Hey Todd:
      A whole lot of women need to learn this. I am the voice of every man and against the misandry (reverse sexism by women against men) that is rampant in our society. You need to make this a non negotiable in any future relationship and a deal breaker if she stops giving it.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

  8. minxy says:

    Also Todd, make sure you are giving the respect back. Too many men out there demand respect without realising that it’s a 2 way street.

    Good luck!

    (we – respectful women – are out there. Some of us are just walked over by our men unfortunately!)

    • Todd says:

      I realize respect goes both ways. The Bible addresses this by telling men to “love your wives as Christ loves the church and wives respect your husbands.”
      I guess some of us just aren’t destined to find this.

      • Hey Todd
        Some people don’t want to be held scripturally accountabble. Without that, the marriage does not stand much of a chance as you have personally experienced. My sincere sympathies on the breakdown of your marriage.

        Blessings on you and yours
        John Wilder

  9. Minxy:
    It should go without saying that men need to give the repsect back. Sadly, sometimes it does not. When you are hurt by a guy like your husband, it is hard to see anything else.

    I teach respect for both parties. Without it, one person just feels bullied and taken advantage of. Interestingly enough, we have the highest divorce rate on the planet in this country. In Japan, their divorce rate is less than half of ours. I attribute that to the practice of face or saving face where disagreements are always handled with respect. We could all learn much from the Japanese culture. We have a cowboy mentality in this country where people shoot from the lip and say all manner of hateful and hurtful things to use as word clubs. You see it even on these blogs where people hide behind pseudonyms and spout their hate speech. We live in a very uncivilized country.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  10. kdaddy23 says:

    I was taught that respect is earned and never given and I know of men and women who demand respect when they’ve done little and/or nothing to earn said respect. Also, I’m one of those guys who isn’t into lingerie and lace – hey, wear what you like; I’m more interested in what’s in the lingerie!

    I guess the main thing I want from a woman, other than love and sex, is to be understood and not taken for granted. She may not love me – or does in her own special way; she may not be inclined to share sex with me as much as I want to with her; but understand who and what I am and don’t always assume that I’m going to always do what you want, when you want, or that you have the right to make me feel less than a man because, love you or not, one day you might find yourself by yourself.

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