6 Sex Mistakes Men Make and Women Should Read This Too

Today, I am thankful for this year. I have built a great following on my blog. I have been interviewed numerous times this year that made it into print or on the radio. I have helped a lot of people. Take time to reflect on your blessings this year.

With that I am thankful for Web MD Magazine because they are another venue to help you with sex and your personal relationships. Men you need to stop being so self centered in bed and work harder at pleasing the woman in your life. It will pay off in dividends of her being more willing to have sex with you if you make sure that she is satsified every time that you have sex. Enjoy this great guest post from Web MD
WebMD offers experts’ sex tips for men who have sex with women.
By Martin F. Downs

WebMD FeatureReviewed by Louise Chang, MDHey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women’s sexuality — errors that can lead to sex mistakes.

That’s because — after learning the facts of life — most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.

To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.

Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.

Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.

Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they’ve done with other women. But women aren’t all the same.

“You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person,” Taormino says.

That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. “There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between.”

Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs
Some women can’t have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.

“If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she’s not broken,” Taormino says.

Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. “While you’re doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else,” Taormino says.

Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women
Paget says there tends to be a “huge disconnect” between men and women in the ways that sex feels good.

“When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn’t feeling the same way for her,” Paget says. “It couldn’t be further from the truth.”

The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, “it feels like you’re getting punched in the stomach,” Paget says. “It makes you feel nauseous.

Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman’s Anatomy
Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That’s not to say that they really understand it.

More than 30 years ago, at the start of the “sexual revolution,” a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.

“I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can’t [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation — please help,” Taormino says. “I want to write back and say, ‘OK, what’s the problem?'”

“For the majority of women, it’s not going to happen that way,” Paget says.

Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says.

A touch that’s bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation.

How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.

Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On
Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn’t get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don’t worry about it.

“I think there’s a myth that if you’re turned on, you’re wet,” Taormino says. Not necessarily.

Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it’s subject to influences like stress and medications.

Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what’s doing it for you and what isn’t.

If you’re respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions.

“I’m not saying push her head in your lap,” Taormino says. “I think that, ‘this is how I like it,’ is a very useful conversation to have.”

12 Responses to 6 Sex Mistakes Men Make and Women Should Read This Too

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Logically, it makes sense and I’m betting that men and women could agree on these things and a few more that weren’t mentioned. However, agreement and being willing and able to right these wrongs are two different things beyond that which is obvious.

  2. Hey Rob:
    I agree and I just keep plugging away trying to reason with women to get them to see the error of their ways and to get guys also to see the error of their ways as well.


  3. kdaddy23 says:

    All of it begs the question of why people are often so unwilling to change in this important area of their relationship. It just defies logic and common sense to know what’s going wrong in your sex life but don’t feel compelled to do anything about it; how is it “easier” to point fingers at each other in this? People want to have good sex… but they don’t want to do what’s necessary to achieve this goal.

    • Hey Rob:
      You make my point for me brilliantly. You also point out the diffference in approach between coaches and counselors.

      Blessings on you and yours

      • kdaddy23 says:

        My “point” is that telling or advising people on what they need to do is one thing; actually doing any of it is entirely different. It’s not about what’s not happening; it’s about why it isn’t. I’m not sure if coaches or counselors ever really address why or if they focus on how to correct things; to me, if you don’t know why it’s broken, you can’t fix it.

  4. Candice says:

    To add to the discussion on mistake no. 3 – I think body image is one area where women don’t have the same perception about themselves as their partners. It’s important to note that perception is reality – so if he thinks you are gorgeous, you are gorgeous!

  5. Hey Candice.
    Point well taken. You need to spread the word to women friends because so many of them won’t accept their guy’s view of themselves.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  6. kdaddy23 says:

    Men have image issues as well and, at times, we give ourselves grief over them but maybe not as overtly or as “obviously” as women do. And, really, sometimes, it’s not about the way you look – it’s how I feel about you that should matter and if I think you’re the cat’s pajamas, well, that’s the way it is; take it to heart… and let’s do our best to repopulate the world even if that’s not possible!

  7. Well again you are right. I have issues with my belly hanging over my belt. I have recently lost 13 lbs in an effort to become more sveldt and appealing to women.


  8. Hey Rob:

    I can’t make anyone do anything, all I can do is to attempt to point more functional ways of dealing with problems and achieving happiness.

  9. Candice says:

    Good on you John for taking some action! It’s win-win with better health resulting from an appropriate body weight and healthier eating/exercise! It is also possible for ladies to become more attractive as they get older by paying attention to health, weight and grooming! In my experience men appear to be attracted to women who do the best with what they have, including personal development, self-education etc. This effect seems to build as people become older. What do you think? 🙂 Candice

  10. Candice, you could not be more right on. Most mature guys appreciate women who do the best with what they have. For instance, you can have small boobs and most guys are okay with that as long as you wear figure flattering clothes and lacy lingerie. I would rather have a small breasted woman who wears lacy bras than a large busted woman who wears utilitarian and ugly bras. Besides, I am of the opinion that too much of a good thing is not good.

    I appreciate well groomed good smelling hair and attractive make up and short skirts with high heels. If a woman has bigger hips then she could wear an A line skirt which is always figure flattering. If she has a tummy pooch, she can camoflauge it with an empire waisted dress which re-directs a guys eyes to her boobs and is flattering to her hips.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

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