Get Her To Engage In Your Sex Fantasies

May 31, 2011

This blog is compliments of Men’s Health Magaazine.
I don’t necessarily agree with 3 ways but you could do something very naughty that
might be just as satisfying. Do it in the same room with another couple while you watch
them and they watch you. No cross touching allowed but lots of looking allowed.
Enjoy and have more sex, it feells good and you need to make it not
BORING.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

Ask Her to Fulfill Your Sexual Fantasies
By: Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

There’s a question that gets people thinking. (I’ll pause here while you ponder it.) It’s a line I use often in my work as a sex therapist and writer.

Since I became an author, I can’t walk down the street without being stopped by someone: the UPS man, my building super, my upstairs neighbor—heck, I may know more about what turns on the guy behind the counter at my deli than his wife does. I’ve listened carefully to every man who would talk to me about sex—hundreds of them around the country.

It was all research for my book He Comes Next (the natural sequel to She Comes First, which was a bit more fun to research, since it involved talking to lots of women about what gives them pleasure).

My best-sex-ever question unlocks doors to memories, to taboos, to the contours of a man’s sexual landscape—what turns him on. More important, it often reveals what’s missing from his sex life now.

Not only do I hear about the best sex guys ever had, I hear about the best sex they never had—experiences they’ve always fantasized about, or maybe experienced just one glorious time, and can’t get out of their heads.

Though they’re happy to tell me, a virtual stranger, they’re often afraid to ask their partners for fear of offending or seeming weird. Public sex, threesomes, video-taping, domination—I get all the details, while the women in their lives hear nothing.

But it’s easier to open up than you may think. It starts with a “lovemap,” a term coined in 1980 by John Money, Ph.D., of Johns Hopkins University, to describe “the sexual template expressed in every individual’s erotic fantasies and practices.” This lovemap informs your likes, dislikes, fantasies, and fears. Great sex is about exploration and discovery, using each other’s map. It’s like finding buried treasure. Savvy?

The trick is in the asking. So I went back to a bunch of the women I interviewed for She Comes First and asked them what a man should say, or do, to get the sex he wants. Here’s the resulting list of general principles and specific lessons. With these, the best sex you’ve ever had is still in your future.

Start in the Shallow End

You have to ease your way into a fantasy. Acclimate her first. Here’s something from my files from a 28-year-old woman named Jenny: “My boyfriend really wanted to have sex outdoors—like on the beach. I was reluctant, but he didn’t pressure me. In fact, he did the opposite: He got me turned on about being a little exhibitionistic.

“First he would whisper sexy things in my ear when we were out at dinner with friends, or caress my leg under the table. Next it was my idea to go to a club without wearing any panties and fool around in a dark hallway, then continue the action on the cab ride home. Now I have my own fantasy: a quickie in an elevator. Beats sand in the crotch.”

The lesson: A fantasy starts as an idea. Plant it in her mind, then let it take root. Not only did Jenny’s boyfriend not pressure her, he let her make the fantasy her own.

If you’re nervous, tell her you had a wild dream about her, then play coy: Make her pry it out of you. You may find that she’s extremely interested (and has had her own fantasies). Presenting your fantasy as a dream avoids making her feel like she isn’t satisfying you. She can’t blame you for having a sexy dream about her.

Talk Before Taping

Before we get to the exciting stuff, a quick lesson in sexual science. There are two common categories of sexual arousal: reflex-based and psychogenic. The former is stimulation through physical touch: Rub here to activate. Psychogenic refers to mental stimulation and other sensory stimuli—from thinking sexy thoughts to seeing a miniskirt to smelling that perfume.

Most relationships start out in a psychogenic mode (everything is new!) and gradually become reflex-based. And too often boring.

Scheduled sex can be a good thing for busy couples, but it can also represent the worst of reflex-based sex, a kind of forced sexuality. The key is to add psychogenic stimuli. This is where a fantasy again can help.

First, enjoy talking about it. “My boyfriend really wanted to make a sex tape,” one woman told me. “At first I thought no way, but then he told me about the scenarios he wanted to film, and it was really sexy stuff. He had this whole kidnapper/abductee thing, and we got so turned on just talking about it, we didn’t need the costumes or camera—although we did make use of some of his old neckties.”

The lesson: Arouse her mind, and her body will follow. After years as a sex therapist, I’ve found that people don’t get excited over making sex tapes because they want to sit down later and watch themselves in all their sweaty, hairy glory. They like it because exhibitionism and voyeurism are two of the most popular types of fantasy on both men’s and women’s lists.

In my research, I’ve concluded there’s a little bit of both in us all, and it doesn’t take much to turn us on.

One guy said the key to convincing his girlfriend to make a sex tape was “giving her control over the wardrobe. I handed her my Amex card and told her to buy an outfit that made her feel sexy and comfortable, starting with the lingerie.” That’s an inspired move, and she gets to keep the clothes.

Bonus tip: Offer to tape without hitting the “record” button—the camera’s mere presence can be exciting. Flip the camera’s LCD screen around for an occasional glimpse, or plug it into the TV so you’re on-screen. That way you’re on display but not being recorded. The thrill of this audition could lead to recording later.

Make that Threesome Happen

This fantasy has become a pop-culture cliché, one that’s more often talked about than actually acted upon. But threesomes do happen, and I have the notes to prove it. Said Angela, 32, “This guy kept talking about how hot it would be to have sex with two women, and I felt like, What’s wrong with me, am I not good enough on my own? It really pissed me off. It was all about him, and the fantasy seemed totally selfish.

“Then I started seeing this really nice guy, and he told me he had a threesome fantasy. I thought, Oh no, here we go again. But when I asked him why, he told me how beautiful I was and how sexy it would be to see me so turned on by another woman, and how much he loved the idea of two sets of hands on my body at once. Well, when he put it that way, I liked the idea, too. He made it all about me—not just in words, but also in action—and it was a great experience.”

The lesson: Make sure she’s the star of your fantasy, especially if it involves a supporting cast member. This is a sensitive issue with some women, so make sure everything is clear beforehand.

As one 28-year-old man told me, “My girlfriend said she was willing to have a three-way, but I didn’t want her to do it for me. I wanted her to do it with me. I told her she could back out and that I loved her no matter what, and she really appreciated that. Then she gave it the thumbs-up. Man, did she ever.”

Include Her

Sounds simple, right? But it doesn’t come naturally for guys who, let’s face it, are used to doing certain things on their own: choosing porn, buying her lingerie, going to a strip club. Make her part of the process. It makes her think, which is half the battle.

“It used to drive me crazy that guys are so into porn,” said Heather, 26. “I always felt like I was in competition with porn stars and their bodies. But my current boyfriend said it would just be something fun to do together, and we went to the video store.

“In all honesty, I was kind of curious. I can’t remember the movie we picked, Hannah Does Her Sisters or something like that. I do remember we laughed at it, but then tried some of the moves and positions. Now Friday night is our sexy-movie night, and it’s really kept our relationship hot.”

The lesson: Give her a chance to change her mind about porn. She literally may not know what she’s missing. Mention this bit of science if you think it’ll help. A study at the Washington University school of medicine in St. Louis measured brain-wave activity of 264 women as they viewed erotic imagery.

The conclusion: Women have responses as strong as those seen in men. My own research supports this—many women tell me privately that they enjoy porn, at least if it’s well made. But I find that women have to feel comfortable in order to overcome societal taboos that keep them from admitting they might enjoy it.

If she’s still resistant, suggest watching a sex-education video together. The couples shown are not as intimidating as those in porn. And continuing education can be a wonderful thing; the take-home tests are really fun—no grading as long as you complete the assignment.


10 Reasons To Continue To Date Your Wife

May 27, 2011

http://warmsouthernbreeze.wordpress.com/2011/05/27/why-should-you-date-your-wife-more-after-marriage/#comment-1277

« KFC & Coke with the New York Yankees! Honestly?Why should you date your wife more after marriage?
Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, May 27, 2011

Top Ten Reasons to Date Your Wife More Frequently
By Darwin Cover

The hecticness of work, community service projects, church activities and family often relegates a marriage relationship to the bottom of the list.

At times, it is necessary to give attention to others. It is also important to keep something else in mind: Your spouse is the one most likely to be with you when you are teetering around with a cane! With that in mind, take time to date your spouse regularly. Here are a few reasons why.
1. Marriage Relationships are Dynamic.
They are alive and always changing. They need to be fed and stimulated to stay alive.

2. There Is Always Something New about Your Spouse.
Dating is a good way to create a safe environment. Your spouse is more likely to let you know “what’s new!”

3. Invest in the Future.
Just like a savings account – it is easier to add a little to an existing account and watch it grow than to start a new one from scratch. That’s because the interest grows exponentially over time.

4. You Got Married Because You Dated!
It only stands to reason that a good way to stay married is to keep dating.

5. Marriage Can Be Compared to a Set of Tires.
During the course of driving, there is normal wear and tear. Dating serves to maintain alignment, balance and pressure. When done well, your marriage will last a lifetime.

6. Dating Is An Opportunity to Focus.
Day in and day out, distractions pull your attention away from your spouse. Dates help refocus on the person at the top of your priority list.

7. You Remember the Good Times!
A good date will often bring up pre-marriage memories. Recalling memories can generate anticipation for your next meeting.

8. You Create Your Future.
Dates lay the framework for future family gatherings. Great dates attract your spouse and family to want to spend time with you.

9. Laughter is the Best Medicine.
Reader’s Digest says so! It must be true. Laughing together makes it possible to hurt together when you must.

10. It Reminds Your Spouse, “I Love You!”
There are many ways to say, “I love you!”

A date is one of the special ways to honor your spouse. Try it this week! Set up 5 dates with your spouse for the next four weeks. Reserve them. Plan. Anticipate. Have fun!


6 Sex Mistakes That Men Make And Women Pay Attention as Well,

May 21, 2011

Today, I am thankful for this year. I have built a great following on my blog. I have been interviewed numerous times this year that made it into print or on the radio. I have helped a lot of people. Take time to reflect on your blessings this year.

With that I am thankful for Web MD Magazine because they are another venue to help you with sex and your personal relationships. Men you need to stop being so self centered in bed and work harder at pleasing the woman in your life. It will pay off in dividends of her being more willing to have sex with you if you make sure that she is satsified every time that you have sex. Enjoy this great guest post from Web MD
WebMD offers experts’ sex tips for men who have sex with women.
By Martin F. Downs

WebMD FeatureReviewed by Louise Chang, MDHey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women’s sexuality — errors that can lead to sex mistakes.

That’s because — after learning the facts of life — most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.

To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.

Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.

Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.

Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they’ve done with other women. But women aren’t all the same.

“You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person,” Taormino says.

That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. “There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between.”

Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs
Some women can’t have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.

“If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she’s not broken,” Taormino says.

Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. “While you’re doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else,” Taormino says.

Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women
Paget says there tends to be a “huge disconnect” between men and women in the ways that sex feels good.

“When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn’t feeling the same way for her,” Paget says. “It couldn’t be further from the truth.”

The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, “it feels like you’re getting punched in the stomach,” Paget says. “It makes you feel nauseous.

Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman’s Anatomy
Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That’s not to say that they really understand it.

More than 30 years ago, at the start of the “sexual revolution,” a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.

“I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can’t [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation — please help,” Taormino says. “I want to write back and say, ‘OK, what’s the problem?'”

“For the majority of women, it’s not going to happen that way,” Paget says.

Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says.

A touch that’s bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation.

How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.

Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On
Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn’t get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don’t worry about it.

“I think there’s a myth that if you’re turned on, you’re wet,” Taormino says. Not necessarily.

Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it’s subject to influences like stress and medications.

Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what’s doing it for you and what isn’t.

If you’re respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions.

“I’m not saying push her head in your lap,” Taormino says. “I think that, ‘this is how I like it,’ is a very useful conversation to have.”


20 Great Reasons To Have More Sex

May 19, 2011

20 Reasons To Have Sex
I have been navigating these blogs and I am sick to death of women making excuses and DEMANDING thei right to refuse their husbands sex. When I point out valid reasons why women should take care of their husband’s sexual needs, women come out of the wood work to call me a pervert, a misogynist and worse. All too often when a man critiques a woman she becomes vicious in her verbal attack in retaliation rather than dealing with the critique. Misandry (reverse sexism by women against men) is every bit as bad as misogony. Sex is one of the big 3 that couples fight about and break up over. It is the children who suffer because of their parents inability to resolve problems. So read what another relationship professional has to say about sex. According to Dr. Adam Sheck, “The Passion Doctor,” there are twenty reasons to have sex, even if you’re not quite in the mood. My work as a couples counselor is to help you create passion in your relationship. Sexual passion is certainly one strong contributor to overall passion. According to Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, “Studies show that, when things are going well, sex contributes only 15 percent to the overall satisfaction of a relationship. But if things aren’t going well, it contributes 85 percent to the dissatisfaction.” In keeping with this theme of passion, I present to you the following, excerpted with permission from the book How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Drs. Love Twenty Reasons to Have Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It

1. Because you said so Even though you may not have promised to “love, honor, and have sex once a week” when you made a commitment to your relationship, it was understood that sex would be part of that bargain. Imagine how the marriage rates would go down if people said, “I’ll marry you, but don’t expect sex.” If you polled one thousand people on the street and asked them, “Is it reasonable to expect to have to have sex when you are married?” the overwhelming majority would say yes. If you expect a monogamous commitment from your partner, then it stands to reason that you will be a cooperative sex partner.

2. Sex helps you forget Oxytocin, which triggers orgasm, has an amnesic effect that lasts up to five hours. So for a period of time you forget that he maxed out your Visa card or she was an hour late getting home from work. Women get an additional benefit. During orgasm that parts of the brain that govern fear, anxiety, and stress are switched off. (Faking orgasm gives no such benefit.) Sex Makes Our Brains Bigger. Seriously.

3. Sex rewires you for pleasure Every time you share a positive experience with your partner, your brain comes to associate him or her with pleasure. You can transform any relationship simply by increasing the number of enjoyable times you share together.

4. Sex puts the “P” back in partnership Passion is what separates your relationship with your intimate partner from those with girlfriends and buddies. Yes, you two are best friends and confidants, but without sex you will not have passion. The following are from a 1997 study in the British Medical Journal-

 5. Heightened sense of smell After sex, production of prolactin surges, causing stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s smell center (olfactory bulb).

6. Weight loss Rambunctious sex burns a minimum of two hundred calories, about the same as running fifteen minutes on a treadmill. British researchers determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year.

7. Reduced depression Prostaglandin, a hormone found in semen, modulates female hormones. Orgasm releases endorphins, producing a sense of well-being and euphoria.

8. Pain relief During sex, levels of oxytocin surge five times their normal level, releasing endorphins that alleviate pain. Sex also prompts production of estrogen, which reduces the pain of PMS.

9. Healthier heart Women who have more sex have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against heart disease.

10. Cure for the common cold Once-a-week sex produces 30 percent higher levels of immunoglobulin A, which boosts the immune system.

11. Better bladder control Sex strengthens the pelvic muscles that control the flow of urine.

12. Peppy prostate Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation in men and cancer in the prostate. In this case solo sex works just as well, but why out on all the other benefits?

13. Shiny hair, glowing skin For women, extra estrogen from orgasm makes hair shine. Sweat produced during sex cleanses the pores and makes skin glow. Serotonin produces the afterglow of sex.

14. Calming effect Sex is ten times more effective than Valium, with no side effects. The (Very Sexy) Benefits Of An Empty Nest

15. Relief for a stuffy nose Really. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can even help combat hay fever and asthma.

16. Firmer tummy and butt Regular sex can firm your tummy and butt, plus improve posture.

17. Boosts immune system Endorphins stimulate immune-system cells that fight disease.

18. Forever young Sex actually slows down the aging process. It lowers cortisol levels in the bloodstream, which reduces stress and slows down the aging process.

19. Protection against Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis Women who have more sex have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis.

20. Euphoria Who wouldn’t want more? The best way to get a natural high is sex! 3 Ways Hot Weather Leads To Good Sex And finally, do you have any reasons YOU’D like to add to this list? Please comment on this post with your best reasons to have sex and I’ll publish a follow up blog post. Thanks so much, Dr. Adam Sheck


The Story Of How I Got To Be Me In The Helping Professions

May 18, 2011

I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home. I had a cold, distant and alcoholic mother. I had an unbelievably cruel father who enjoyed inflicting pain on my two brother s and me. Some examples: He hit me full force with a punch to my nose, shattering it for the sin of interrupting him when he was talking. He told me to take a bath and go to bed, leaving my broken nose untreated. 3 years later I experienced something that has profoundly changed me for life. My 6 year old brother rebelled in a way that came to haunt us. He went over to his school in the summer with another boy and threw paint all over the school. The police were called and they were caught and brought him home. My father said that he would take care of it. He took him back into the bedroom where he shared with his 3 year old brother, next to my room where I was. He proceeded to beat him with a belt and would not stop. I was convinced that he was going to kill him.

I desperately wanted to stop him. At 12 I was trying to figure out how to stop my father from killing my little brother. I considered that I was not big enough or strong enough to stop him. I thought about my baseball bat. I was plagued with doubts as I tried desperately to figure a way to stop my father while hearing the blood curdling screams of my little brother being savagely beaten. I thought that I could go in and threaten him and he would stop. Then I realized that he would take the bat away from me and use it on me. Then I thought that I could go in and hit him in the head and knock him out. Then I realized he would wake up and beat me with the bat so enraged that he likely would kill me. Then I thought of hitting him in the head so hard that I killed him. The thought of going to jail for life stopped me. In the end I sat in my room in tears and desperately hating myself because I was not big enough or strong enough to stop him. He continued beating my little brother until he exhausted himself. He had to go and sit down in his recliner to rest. After resting for a half hour he went in again and beat on him yet again. I don’t know how my brother survived it and my little brother was terrified at age 3. There were many other beatings in the household.

As I got a little older, I was always picked on by bullies and always cowered because of my father. That incident so filled me with rage that two years later, I got into a fight with a kid who squirted chocolate milk on my white shirt at school. I beat the crap out of him and then had to beat the crap out of another guy right afterwards. Then two days later had to beat the crap out of someone again. It was an awakening for me. No more did I have to tolerate bullies. I told the old man that the beatings were going to stop at home or I would beat him to death and meant it, unafraid. Never again would I fear another man.

I wondered at man’s inhumanity to man. Like all kids who were abused as kids, you grow up bent in one of two different directions; you either grow up to be a bully or you grow up to join the ranks of the helping professions. I decided to get into the helping professions because there was no one there to protect my brothers and myself when we needed it.

I see marriages breaking up, parents fighting in front of kids and terrifying them. Using kids in the parents battle against each other. I want it to stop and I am willing to do whatever I can to stop it and help couples get along and grow and nurture each other. That is my goal as well as my dream. Please help me to spread the word.

I offer a money back guarantee and a half hour free consultation. Email me and I will call you and set up a phone appt to help. I can help with kids, your sex life or your relationship. You have absolute anonymity with me. I want to help and I am good at it.


Here Are Some Tips To Spice Up Your Life

May 15, 2011

From the blogs…Spice Up Your Life
05.11.11
Oftentimes, it’s easy to feel stuck in a routine. After all, life can get cyclical with reoccurring bills, steady demands at work and daily household chores that simply are a part of everyday life. Well if you feel you need to spice up your life, Cotton Candy is here to tell you it’s not as hard as you may think. Believe it or not, you don’t have to bungee jump from the side of a plane to put a little thrill back into your life. All it takes is a little self examination of your interests and determination to do something about them. So, we give you 51 DOABLE tricks to shake up your routine. We know you’ll be thanking us later.

1. Rent a luxury car for a day – one that you CANNOT afford. Ever driven a Maybach?

2. Paint your toes a crazy color.

3. Eat an ethnic type of food you’ve never had.

4. Try a new food that you have never tried before.

5. Go to a botanical garden.

6. Eat your lunch in the park.

7. Visit the nearest body of water (ocean, lake, river).

8. Get a haircut.

9. Volunteer at your favorite charity for a week.

10. Visit a new church next Sunday.

11. Get a facial.

12. Pack a picnic for your love.

13. Write a handwritten note to someone you care about.

14. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a least two years.

15. Cook an exotic meal.

16. Go to a minor league baseball game.

17. Drive to the next, nearest major city.

18. Visit the top of the nearest skyscraper.

19. Scour new, trendy boutiques.

20. Be a tourist for a day and visit three tourist sites.

21. Start a journal or a blog.

22. Give your hubby a hug for no reason.

23. Go in your man’s closet and borrow a tie.

24. Buy a bottled water that benefits charity.

25. Go to a listen to and lecture of a person whom you admire. (92nd Street Y on the Upper East Side in NYC is a great place to start.)

26. Rent a bike.

27. Go roller skating.

28. Take a horse carriage ride through the city.

29. Send e-greeting cards to your friends.

30. Write a poem.

31. Engulf yourself in a new novel.

32. Give at least two compliments a day for one week.

33. Start learning another language.

34. Take a photography class.

35. Take dance lessons.

36. Spend the weekend in a cabin.

37. Refuse to watch TV for a day.

38. Try a different flavored smoothie.

39. Change the frames of your eyeglasses.

40. Ignore your BlackBerry for 24 hours.

41. Watch an old black-and-white movie.

42. Take family portraits.

43. Eat a fruit you’ve never tried before.

44. Try living off of $25 dollars per day for three whole days.

45. Introduce yourself to a cute guy or gal.

46. Go hiking.

47. Take a helicopter tour of the city.

48. Catch a pedicab.

49. Dump the loser in your life (or for some of you LOSERS).

50. Shop at a sample sale.

51. Invest in some new lingerie for yourself or your wife or girlfriend


5 Things You Can Do To Increase Her Sexual Pleasure

May 12, 2011

Here is a post from Men’s Health designed to make you better in bed. Try using a vibrator as well for foreplay and during the actual sex itself.
Enjoy
John Wilder

Strategic strokes, not size, spark her orgasm. If you really want to know what drives her wild, the answer might just be hiding in her drawer. Here are five lessons you can learn from her favorite sex toys . . .

Linger a Little

Unlike porn actresses, most women first focus sex toys on their clitoris, penetrating only as climax nears, says Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., cofounder of the National Association for Sexual Awareness and Empowerment.

What you can do: Your penis isn’t just for penetration. Use it to stroke her outer labia and clitoris during foreplay, says Vivienne Cass, Ph.D., author of The Elusive Orgasm. Gyrating along these pleasure points while steadily increasing pressure will push her desire to the tipping point, so once you penetrate, you’ll deliver orgasm-inducing thrusts.

Pick the Right Position

G-spot stimulators target the spongy, sensitive area in her upper vaginal wall, 2 inches from the opening. G-spot (as opposed to clitoral) orgasms come from strategic pressure, not size. “Those huge, manmade members aren’t what she’s hiding under the mattress,” says Lawless.

What you can do: To put pressure on this sensitive area with each thrust, you should enter her when she’s on her back, with her knees resting on her chest

Warm Her Up

With two vibrating petals shaped like a set of hare’s ears, the Rabbit rubs both sides of her clitoris.
What you can do: Stimulate (gently) the clitoris from all sides. First, use your index and ring fingers to rub the sides. After she warms up, simultaneously stroke the top of her clitoris with your middle finger, completing the chorus that will send her over the edge.

Multi-Task

Dual-action devices massage her clitoris and G-spot in tandem so she’s flushed with sensation in the two areas that trigger an orgasm.

What you can do: Good things come in pairs. If you’re licking her clitoris, finger her G-spot. If she’s in the cowgirl position, rub her clitoris. “At any given time, either the G-spot or the clitoris should receive attention,” says Dorian Solot, coauthor of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide.

Change Speeds

The classic, multispeed vibrator lets her focus on her most nerve-rich erogenous spot, the clitoris, as she slowly increases the intensity.

What you can do: A little change is good; too much can capsize an orgasm. Always start slow, with gentle, broad strokes of your finger or tongue. Build toward a climax, instead of rapidly changing techniques and intensity. Hum while you lick and you’ll cause the same sensation as her pocket rocket.


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