The Secret To Having Happily Ever After

June 29, 2011

Whatsoever a man (woman) soweth, that shall he (she) also reap. Galatians

Women from the time that they were little girls have fantasized about having “happily ever after”

Sadly, this is usually a very self centered dream with her prince fawning over her and granting her
her every desire while she sits on her behind. Rarely do women give any thought as to what happily ever after looks like for a man.

For a marriage or a relationship to work there has to be give and take
It can’t possibly work when one is doing all the taking. This simply
builds resentment on the part of the man and he starts to withdraw
emotionally.

On behalf of men everywhere, let me give you what the average guy sees as “happily ever after”

Men want women to be our best friend, to have our back against all enemies. To listen to our hopes and dreams and be an encourager to us.

We want nurturing when we are hurting emotionally. We want you to give us sex willingly and lovingly and never ever put us down for our sexuality. It would be like putting a woman down for having a period.

We also want you to be sexually adventurous and throw off those inhibitions. You know what inhibitions are, they are stop signs to great sex. Too many women worry that if they fully embrace their sexuality, that the man will consider her slutty. No, what the man will think is that you are sexually sophisticated and that you want to please us. This creates tremendous bonds between men and women.
We want you to dress to please us which usually calls for frilly lacy lingerie not the deadly dull virginal white nylon panties with no lace and no color.

There is an old italian proverb in what a man wants from a wife and it sums it up quite succinctly: He wants a good mother for his kids, a good hostess for his friends and he wants a slut in the bedroom for himself. For you women who object to the term slut, how about sexual animal? We want you to have a sexual desire and initiate sex with us and not always make us come to you for sex.

In honor of Babygirl’s critique, let me add for you men, you need to do it much better for your woman. Too many of you want to get it over quickly with little foreplay for your woman. Sex feels good, take your time. When it comes to orgasms, it should ALWAYS BE WOMEN FIRST!
Instead of getting it over in 5 minutes, delay your ejaculation by withdrawing and going back down on your woman and gettting her off again and then reenter her. Doing it this way, I have literally have lasted for two hours and given the woman up to 20 orgasms. Finally, when you are done, don’t roll over and go to sleep. Go into the bathroom and get a hot towel and give your woman a quick hot towel massage and clean her up between her legs. Then powder her down with her favorite powder and rub it in. Then climb back in bed with her, take her in your arms and hold her and talk to her instead of making her feel like you used her like a “piece of meat’.

Women if you give your man his dream of happily ever after, you would be amazed at how hard he would work to give you your dream of “happily
ever after”.

What you sow, so shall you reap.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Obama Is Completely Tuned Out To The Misery He and His Libs are Causing.

June 25, 2011

marriagecoach1@yahoo.com GOP, BLOGGERS ATTACK OBAMA PERCEIVED GAFFE
burstupdates | June 25, 2011 at 8:15 AM | Categories: Elections 2012, Foreign Affairs, Leadership, Military, News Media, Obama, Opinion, Politics, Terror | URL: http://wp.me/pOUGp-2gS

What has Obama taken credit thus far which he has accepted personal liability for failure? There is no failure in the regime, never has been in liberalism. Failure is rewarded, losers are not disgarded but retained, they are promoted or recycled within the system. There is no cure for this cancer other than to cut it out.

“>

Obama reading from his teleprompter at Ft Drum: “A comrade of yours, Jared Monti, was the first person who I was able to award the Medal of Honor to who actually came back and wasn’t receiving it posthumously.” Sgt Monti gave his life fighting for the freedom of his country, why doesn’t he deserve better?

Jay Carney explained the statement as a simple mix-up. Who got what mixed-up? And I do not ask this lightly. My family and friends are not suffering the grief these people are. Consider the obvious insults of the lack of recognition from the person who sent him there and does not give a rat’s ass enough to to validate the details of who he was, what he did, why he did it, let alone everyone who is grieving. Bush is still appearing at the airport to greet returning military. Carney is playing a disgusting role as well to mask this, do not remove him from the equation.

How much more vulgar can the news media followers get than to spin this as Obama’s intentions were to express his appreciation? He walked into the base and read a statement off his teleprompter, hardly heartfelt. How would the news media followers react to Bush at the airports if he had one of them in front of him?

The political garbage pile is too high. To continue to hunt for quotes from leftists to score campaign political points in order to firewall his problems makes the stench unbearable. University professor: “What we’re really seeing, and it goes on, on both sides, we’re seeing now where we’re heading into the presidential election. The partisanship has become very intense in the country. … I think it’s just a huge distraction from fundamental issues.”

This game has to end if America is going to return. Obama, liberals, and the news media followers cannot deal directly with issues, they do not want to use the facts to support their position and more importantly do not support the facts. Yes, Obama does not support the facts!

The liberals are now labeling the GOP as the cause of Obama’s economic disaster. Obviously the liberals controlled Congress and the Oval Office during which time all decisions were made but that’s not the point. The intent is to frontpage the feeling, true guilt is of no consequence. In similar fashion conservative sites are being blamed for pushing the fact that Obama misidentified a war hero who died fighting for his country.


A New Poll on Sexual Frequency

June 24, 2011

At What Age Does the Romance Peter Out in a Marriage?
lorilowe | June 24, 2011 at 8:00 am | Tags: better marriage, Family, improve marriage, intimacy, Love, Marriage, marriage and family, marriage tips, romance, sex in later years, sex in marriage | Categories: Love, Marriage, Marriage Research, Relationships, Research, Sex | URL: http://wp.me/pgTZD-SF

“Keeping the Sparks Alive” Series

For all the talk about menopause and the fear many men and women have that it will impede their sex lives, it’s the husband who usually determines how long a couple’s sex life lasts. I wanted to share an excerpt from Joe Beam’s Blog on sex in later life because this fact was a surprise to me, and it might be for you as well. (Joe is a national best-selling author who has been interviewed on many TV news programs.

“My friend Dr. Barry McCarthy is not only a brilliant expert in matters of sexuality, he also is really nice guy… Barry first opened my eyes to the fact that men are as complicated as women when it comes to sex. Early in my sexual studies I was this naive, “Well, guys are guys. We don’t have to worry about them, so let’s focus on helping the women with their sexuality.” Barry gently corrected my thinking on that.

Then he told me that for most couples it is the husband who determines when their active sex life ends. He says that 1/3 of men quit having sex at age 65. Another 1/3 at 75. He didn’t talk about that last 1/3 but I imagine we can just call them “men who die happy.”

Experience with couples affirms Barry’s knowledge. (Of course, Barry’s knowledge is based on scientific research and long experience, so they didn’t really need affirming.) By far, no matter what the age, I am asked by more women than men about how to get their spouses to be sexual again. These are women in their 20s through their 80s. (One 80-year-old caller to my radio program told me that she had outlived five husbands and the guy she is dating now is in his 50s. When she asked if I’d like to see her picture, I replied that I DEFINITELY would.

So, guys and gals, at what age in life should we cease being sexually active?

Death.

Before that, no matter what the age, it contributes to the health of husband and wife, to their bonding, to their fulfillment, and to their relationship. Thinking that stopping sex is the thing to do because you are now XX years old is wrong. You can have sex into your hundreds.

Just be careful that you don’t break a hip.”

So whether you’re in your 20s or your 80s, Joe’s admonition gives us motivation to keep the romance blooming throughout our life-long relationship. Does it surprise you that men seem to determine how long their sex lives lasts in most marriages?

Related Link:

This article by the Daily Mail in the U.K. discusses how several couples maintained passion-filled lives after 60, and why they and several experts believe that is the glue that keeps a marriage together. “The Kinsey Sex Institute states that the average 18 to 29-year-old has sex 142 times a year; 30 to 39-year-olds 86 times a year; 40 to 49-year-olds 69 times a year; and the over-50s have sex 52 times a year. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Growing older in a committed relationship doesn’t have to mean a slow slide into celibacy and slippers.

Photo courtesy of Christian Steiniger


You Married People, Read This

June 22, 2011

Here is another guest blog from Life Gems and Lori Lowe. She is one of my favorite bloggers on marriage.
Blessings on all who read my blog.
John Wilder

5 Marriage Myths that Keep You from Being Happy
lorilowe | June 22, 2011 at 8:00 am | Tags: 5 marriage myths, better marriage, family happiness, Haltzman, happiness, marital happiness, Marriage, personal happiness, Scott Haltzman, what’s preventing happy marriages | Categories: Books, Divorce, Family, Happiness, Love, Marriage, Marriage Research, Relationships, Sex | URL: http://wp.me/pgTZD-Su

Happy Life: Happy Marriage Series

It sounds rather simplistic to “Choose happiness,” or “Take charge of your happiness,” but in his book Secrets of Happily Married Women, Scott Haltzman, M.D., suggests we can choose to be happier in our marriages.

To begin with, this means unearthing five marriage myths and explaining why they make it impossible to feel happy in our marriages. These are the five most destructive myths he came across in his practice as a psychologist and marriage therapist. These are particularly true for wives, who initiate two-thirds of U.S. divorces. However, I think husbands may also fall prey to these myths.

Myth 1: Marriage automatically makes you happy. While it’s true more married people (43 percent) report being happy than unmarried people (24 percent) despite age or gender, marital happiness and personal happiness are separate issues. Dr. Haltzman says married people must put marital happiness first, considering how their actions and desires affect their partner rather than pursing personal happiness as their priority.

“It is an essential truth that sacrificing one’s own needs for someone else’s is a necessary and worthwhile part of human relationships. When that truth is denied in a marriage, the results can be especially destructive; abandoned spouses and children get left behind in the dust of misguided soul-searching for personal fulfillment focused on ego-driven needs,” he says.

Myth 2: Good marriages are always passionate and heart-throbbing. The number of women who report, “I love him, but I’m not in love with him,” of their husbands is astounding, says Dr. Haltzman. What it means is they have lost their connection or that their love is going through a temporary down phase, not that it is doomed. Falling out of infatuation may also be misconstrued as falling out of love, when the initial passionate loving feelings and heightened hormones dissipate. (Unfortunately, some people never understand this and move from relationship to relationship thinking they have the wrong person.)

Myth 3: In happy marriages, child care and housework are evenly distrusted. If this is a major divisive issue for you, I’d suggest you read the book, particularly chapter 6. There’s not a quick two-sentence explanation, but rather plenty of data and a need to understand the issues women grapple with regarding work and home responsibilities. The fact is that most wives do more household work than their husbands, but many of them have still found a way to be happy.

Myth 4: Both partners are responsible for the level of marital happiness. By taking charge of our own mood and actions, one partner can certainly improve personal happiness and affect his or her spouse, improving happiness within the marriage.

Myth 5: If your marriage makes you unhappy, the best solution is to get out. This very widely held myth is rich enough to write an entire post about, so stay tuned next week, and I’ll do just that. I’ll share Dr. Haltzman’s assessment of the most common causes of divorce that seem hopeless but are indeed solvable, and discuss why this myth may be the greatest cause of unhappiness in marriages.

Sign up for new posts in the right column either via email or RSS feed. Just a reminder, most weeks (unless something more exciting or timely comes up) Marriage Gems provides research-based marriage tips on Mondays, “Happy Life: Happy Marriage” series on Wednesdays, and “Keeping the Flames Burning” series on Fridays. If you like the blog, please consider sharing with a friend.


The Most Important Penis Fact Of All Time

June 16, 2011

Something I’ve learned (but never completely understood) since becoming the Men’s Health Girl Next Door: Guys are really worried about their penises. How did I come to this conclusion? Through hundreds of questions like these:

Can I make it bigger? (No!). How can I last longer in bed? (Click here for 10 tricks). What about when I last too long? (Read about delayed ejaculation here). And, of course, how can I make my erection stronger? (Try these 8 tips for stronger erections).

Regardless of whether or not you’ve contemplated such questions yourself, it’s still necessary to remember the most important penis fact of all time: Most women don’t experience orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Your length, strength, and lasting power are important things, sure, but not the most important things. In fact, a recent Kinsey Institute study found that the likelihood that a woman will have an orgasm increases with each additional stimuli incorporated into the experience.

Does that mean you should constantly switch positions (e.g., girl on top, missionary, doggie style, etc.)? Not necessarily. Rather, it means you should also focus on oral sex, manual sex, intercourse, mutual masturbation, and so on. (You’ll notice, perhaps, that a penis isn’t even necessary for some of those acts.) If nothing else, remember this mantra: The more you do in bed, the more likely she is to climax.


6 Mistakes For Men To Avoid In Their Marriage from Web MD

June 11, 2011

6 Marriage Mistakes for Men
Despite the best intentions, these habits may undermine your relationship.
By Matt McMillen
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Men, we don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man, you are likely making several, and making them often.
Don’t believe us? Ask your wife. Now, before you get all defensive, this isn’t about blame. These aren’t ridiculous relationship mistakes — they’re the subtle things that you might not even know you’re doing. And changing these habits could make a big difference to your wife — and that can only be good for you.

Recognizing these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only help your marriage, it may also help your health — and that of your spouse.
Over time, negative feelings in a relationship that aren’t addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems, says Silver Spring, Md.-based psychologist Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD.
“Stress develops in the relationship for each partner, though for different reasons,” she says. “Typically by the time that a couple comes into treatment this stress has triggered anxiety or depression in one or both of them.”
Below are several common mistakes that men make with their wives, how to recognize them, and – most important – what you can do to correct them.

1. Not showing empathy.

Empathy is the most important part of any relationship, says psychologist Albert Maslow, PhD. It’s the ability to recognize and share someone else’s feelings. And it’s something that, in general, women are better at than men. “Women want their feelings to be understood and validated,” says Maslow, who has a private practice in Crozet, Va. “Men have to discover this.”
Rather than simply listening, though, men tend to go into fix-it mode. That’s a mistake.
“If your wife tells you she feels ignored, for example, at that moment what she wants is for you to understand her feelings rather than talk about the facts,” Maslow says.

2. Reckless spending.
Making big purchases such as buying a car without first consulting your wife is a huge no-no, Vanderhorst says. In fact, she ranks it second only to infidelity when it comes to marriage-busting mistakes. And, she says, “Men tend to do it a lot.”
Why? Consciously or unconsciously, men frequently assign themselves the leadership role in the relationship. That, too, is a mistake, Vanderhorst says. “A couple’s relationship is a shared leadership position,” she says.

3. Being sexually selfish — or clueless.
In the bedroom, men forget – or, worse, haven’t figured out – that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on, Maslow says.
“Affection, making her feel loved and needed — that’s basic for her to feel aroused,” Maslow says. “Older men usually catch on, but young men are especially unaware of this.”
Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the lights go down. “Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection,” she says. “But women want a connection prior to having sex.”

4. Listening the wrong way.

Listening does not mean nodding along as your wife explains what is bothering her, all the while thinking up ways to fix the problem. “Men tend to analyze situations and generate options,” Vanderhorst says. “That’s guaranteed to make your wife go ballistic.”
What she most often wants is to talk things out, and she wants you to be actively engaged in the conversation, not by trying to be the hero and save the day, but by demonstrating an interest in what she is saying and caring about what she is experiencing emotionally, Vanderhorst says.
“This is not passive,” she says. “Listening to establish a connection is an active process.”

5. Shelving your feelings.

Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So is talking about your own.
Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake.
Not sharing your emotions can be a real downer for your wife, Maslow says. “The woman feels like she’s missing a close connection that she wants with her husband. When he’s withdrawn, she feels like he is leaving her.”
Maslow acknowledges that getting men to open up can be difficult, but he also says it shows strength. “Growing up, a man learns that he can’t let others know when he’s scared. But opening up is taking a risk, and that takes courage.”

6. Going on a power trip.

Being a man does not mean being in charge – many men don’t get that. “That’s one of the mistakes men often make,” Maslow says. “They try to get what they want by being dominant. But it’s not about making demands or trying to overpower her. Women will pull away from that.”
Vanderhorst agrees. She says that the “power position” that men often put themselves in essentially negates the relationship, which must be reciprocal, supportive, and caring. “Our best selves emerge in the context of our relationships with others and not as an independent entity,” she says.


Having More and Better Sex

June 9, 2011

.RSS Feed
HomeAbout
What I BelieveSpeaking to Your Group
What Others Are SayingResources
Blogs and WebsitesBooksCounselingContact JulieFree eNewsletter.Altar of Ideal Conditions: Are You Sacrificing Your Sexual Intimacy?
Posted on Monday, June 6th, 2011
9
ShareThis is Part 2 of our series “What Altars Are You Sacrificing Your Sexual Intimacy On?”

A big shout out to Lori Lowe of Life Gems 4 Marriage for shedding more light on the problem of waiting for “ideal conditions” to nurture sexual intimacy in your marriage.

If someone had informed me three years ago when I started my research-oriented marriage blog that I’d be asked to write about sexual intimacy, I would have probably thrown in the towel back then.

But over the months and years, the more research I have done about marriage, the more I have learned about the tremendous impact sexual intimacy has on the quality of a marriage.

In short, experts say: Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being. (See Want a happier marriage? Have more sex.)

If only it were that easy to hop in the sack and make every marriage hot and fulfilling. Most days—or weeks—it doesn’t happen that way for many, if not most married couples.

Instead, we are making sure the laundry is folded, the household chores are complete, the kids are shuttled to school, sports practice, dance recitals, music lessons, etc. The shopping and cooking must be done, and the lawn must be mowed. Work must be done, and trash must be taken to the curb.

Then, if there’s time, maybe some nooky.

The big problem with this scenario is we are excellent at filling our days until we hardly have time for sleep. There’s always one more email to check, one more phone call to make, one more load of laundry to go into the dryer. By the time they head to the bedroom, one or both of them is exhausted. Maybe tomorrow night?

(CBS recently shared a survey that showed 70 percent of couples said they were too sleep-deprived at the end of a full day or work and parenting responsibilities to make love.)

If having ample time isn’t the problem, maybe there are other “requirements” by one or both partners to make it a night to remember.

Do both partners have to be freshly showered, with teeth brushed and lingerie selected?

Do certain candles have to be lit while mood music is playing in the background?

Does all the laundry need to be put away?

Do the kids have to be asleep?

Does the game or news have to be over?

Does it have to be a certain time of the morning or evening?

Do they have to go out on a date beforehand?

If any of this sounds familiar, you may be sacrificing your sexual intimacy on the altar of ideal conditions. In other words, at least one of you is waiting for everything to be “just right” before initiating intimacy.

Back to the research.

There are no studies that show couples with the cleanest homes or the neatest yards have the best marriages, but there’s a plethora of research that says couples who have more frequent sexual intimacy have the best marriages.

If we are spending the vast majority of our time and efforts on all these extraneous things, we are saying that they are more important than the quality of our marriage, and that our marriage relationship comes at the end of a very long list from walking the dog to sweeping the garage.

What to do?

■Tell yourself that everything doesn’t have to be “done” to enjoy time (any kind of time) with your spouse.
■Make every attempt to fill one another’s emotional and physical needs buckets. Not having these needs met can be an obstacle to seeking or enjoying intimacy. For most men, respect is an especially strong emotional need.
■Reduce your commitments, order in, hire a maid, carpool, or do anything necessary to give you a little extra time, and then use it wisely. Your marriage absolutely depends upon it.
■Realize that you may be using these “requirements” as an excuse not to be intimate because of something else that’s bothering you. Communicate any deeper issues or concerns rather than sweeping them under the rug.
■Be willing and open to talk about sex and your desire to improve your sex lives. (See How to talk about sex.) Sexual communication is critical to making improvements. Talk about what each of you would like to enhance your sexual intimacy.
■Realize that you don’t always have to be in the mood to get started, and you don’t always need a large block of time. Schedule some leisurely time into your week, but also take advantage of shorter opportunities.
■Give sexual intimacy your attention and focus.
That last point is particularly important for women, who tend to have lower sex drives than men.

I wrote recently of a clinical trial in which women were given erectile-dysfunction pills or a placebo. While the pill was deemed ineffective, more than one-third of the placebo group said their sex lives significantly improved after taking what they thought was medication. The placebo, it turns out, was quite effective. Why? Participants were all highly motivated to improve their sex lives. Second, they were asked to have sex at least three times a month during the study.

The Nike campaign is right when it comes to making improvements in fitness or marriage: Just do it.

Lori Lowe lives in Indianapolis with her husband, two children, one crazy cat and two aquatic frogs. Sign up to receive free research-based marriage tips at http://www.LifeGems4Marriage.com. Lori spent two years interviewing couples across the country who have overcome significant marriage obstacles, from brain injury to child loss to military separation and much more. The resulting book is expected to release in early 2012.

Don’t miss the other posts in this on-going series! Sign up with the RSS-thingy so you can catch what other great marriage bloggers will be saying about the Altars We Sacrifice Sexual Intimacy On.

PART 1: The Altar of Time by Dustin Riechmann


%d bloggers like this: