Today my blog went over 70,000 page views, YEA!
This is for all those women out there who refuse to give their men a blow job. You are doing damage
to your relationship.
Think about it, you are telling your man that your wants and desires are more important than his
You are telling him that you are better than him and more deserving than him.
Any woman can lay there with her legs spread and think about something else while he pounds away
at you. It takes real comitment and determination to take his penis into your mouth and give
him such intense pleasure.
He feels cheated because you won’t do this for him. He may even have had a previous lover or
lovers who did it for him. The fact that you refuse causes real resentment in his mind
for you.
I know you say that it is gross and disgusting. Get over yourself. Millions of women
give their men blow jobs and have positive self esteem for giving their man such
intense pleasure. It only takes a second to quickly swallow his come. If you choose
to do this, it communicates how much you love him and want to make him happy and content
with you. I suggest that you do it with soft lights on so that you can watch his face
and the intense pleasure that you are giving him. By seeing the pure joy and passion
in his face makes doing it for him much easier.
Sex is one of the big 3 that couples fight about. Why should you fight him, why not
give him what he is asking for. All of you women fantasized about “happily ever after”.
NEWSFLASH, Men do to. In their mind you give him sex willingly and lovingly when he needs
it and you give him a blow job because you love him and want to make him feel happy and
contented. So many women however are very self centered in their fantasy and NEVER
CONSIDER WHAT HAPPILY EVER AFTER LOOKS LIKE FOR A MAN.
By doing this, you put your relationship in jeapordy because there are other women out there
who will give him what he wants and needs. You can continue to be selfish and self centered
or you can change and take care of your man. The relationship that you save could well be
your own.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
Marriagecoach1's Blog 
These are great insights and advice. It’s true that a loving blow job is done from the heart. These are the words that come to my mind when thinking about a loving wife performing it: vulnerability, trust, acceptance, respect, admiration, tenderness, love, playful, pleasure.
It also quite true that millions of women have positive self esteem from giving their husbands such pleasure. Wives, there is nothing degrading in giving pleasure to your husband with a blow job. If you truly want a great, loving relationship, you have to make sacrifices for it. This is the reality of life. Anything worth having is worth working for.
Being a firm believer in the equality of the sexes, it is troubling to see how a perverted sense of “feminism” has led some women to feel lessened in dignity or degraded if they perform fellatio for their husbands. Your husband will think more highly of you when you overcome your mental block and embrace the practice of fellatio.
Liberate yourself from this needless and harmful mental block.
Let’s not overlook the collective experience of our fellow human beings. If you search the Internet for discussions on fellatio, (and/or if you confidentially discuss this with your close friends), you will see many comments from women who say that once they dove in and overcame their fears about accepting his ejaculation and swallowing for him – they found this really is no big deal to do.
(When they suspended their fears and actually experienced accepting and swallowing, they were surprised that this was NOT unpleasant.) One hears of regrets from these women that they did not overcome their groundless fears sooner. Their husbands enjoy it and they (wives) enjoy the very deep intimacy of the act.
Hey Larry
Thanks for your comments. As usual you put me to shame with your writing style. It is more palatable and less confrontational than mine. You are definitely the good cop compared to my bad cop.
Thanks and blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
Reblogged this on the old heave ho and commented:
All I have to say to this is WOW!
Do you have a similar post on a husband’s duty to giving his wife oral sex and bringing her to climax, and if he’s not, he’s damaging his marital relationship (for all the same reasons you’ve listed here?)
The one thing you have neglected is gag reflex. You know, some people have one, and giving a blow job might actually cause them to vomit because of the physical sensation. Would you consider this to be a situation of neglect and damage?
Since you consider refusal to be akin to being selfish and putting her desires over his, what about anal sex? What about bondage? I mean, couldn’t someone feel that if the wife doesn’t let her husband tie her up (_________insert your wish here) that she’s not being willing to be trust him completely (which is, of course, another reflection of true intimacy, because you can’t have true intimacy without trust)
I would appreciate links to the data about the millions of women who get self esteem from giving their husbands blow jobs. I think it’s really sad if a woman’s self esteem is tied in any way to any kind of sex act……………. so what a woman is willing to do sexually = what kind of a person she is?
Hey Tikktok
Yes I have many posts devoted to husbands doing more for their wives in bed in terms of foreplay and tenderness. And yes I take on men equally and tell them that when they don’t see to their wife’s pleasure that I don’t blame women for not wanting to have sex with them.
Yes I understand some women have a gag reflex and I also deal with that in other blog posts about giving a blow job. Anything can be overcome if you have a mind to.
I also teach men how to give their wives pleasurable pain free anal sex and explain to women that there are more positive nerve endings for pleasure in her anus than her vagina.
The overwhelming positive comments from women who are proud of giving her husband great blow jobs on this and other blogs as well as forums on dating sites. It says a lot about a woman’s level of sexual sophistication. It is about giving your husband pleasure. My blow job articles are day in and day out the highest rated posts over and over. Some of these blog posts are over a year and half old and still getting strong hits.
I am not the ogre and misogynist that some women have declared me to be.
Blessings on you and yours
John
TikkTok,
Your last paragraph invites comment. A woman’s self esteem is not wholly or fully based on her performance of any sex acts for her husband. Good husbands look at the total person, view their wives as total persons.
What I think John meant is that there is absolutely nothing demeaning nor degrading to the wife when she performs fellatio for her husband. Wives can feel good that they gave their husbands pleasure in this way. This can be a boost to self esteem, but is not to say that the wife’s entire self esteem is based on her sexual performance. (Also, wives can – and do – enjoy performing the act for its intimacy, and its unique physical sensations.)
Here is what I say: it is a perverted sense of feminism that tells women that pleasing their husbands somehow lessens or demeans the woman. It is wrong that militant feminism has led women to believe that men are their adversaries or enemies.
Now, as mentioned in various posts on John’s blog website, there are ways to deal with sensitive gag reflexes. Husbands and wives ought to compromise and accommodate each other in this area.
Lastly, I have to disagree with many who are in favor of anal sex. Where I sex oral sex to be a beautiful expression of the sexual love between the husband and the wife, I do not see this in anal sex. Oral sex allows the woman to participate and actively express her love with her tender caresses. The same is true when the man performs oral sex for his wife. So, I do not take issue with the wives who do not want to consent to anal sex. And, frankly, I wonder why some husbands desire anal sex.
Sincerely, Larry
Larry, we agree.
Personally, I know exactly how I feel about a good many subjects. 😉
If John wasn’t meaning what came across, it would be helpful to have more care taken on initial writing.
Let us not forget the mindset of a good many men that it’s all about *his* pleasure and as long as he gets his rocks off, that’s the only thing that’s important. Too often, the focus is on what a woman is supposed to do in the marriage and the role of the husband fullfilling his marital obligations is completely overlooked.
I think that is the crux of where the breach between men and women started, but tragically, not where it ends because there are extremes on both sides.
And John- you’ve basically said that if a woman is willing/able to give a blow job, she is sexually unsophisticated.
“un·so·phis·ti·cat·ed/ˌənsəˈfistəˌkātid/
1.Lacking refined worldly knowledge or tastes.”
I have to say, your definitions are not the same as mine. For example, prostitutes get paid to give a lot of blow jobs, yet I wouldn’t consider them to be particularly sophisticated in any sense of the word, although I can see that you would think them sexually sophisticated.
There is a difference between sophistication (in any sense) and experienced, in any sense.
I think it’s unfortunate that a couple would feel need to get a third party involved in the intimacy of their marital bedroom……………
Hey Tikktok
It is not about only the man getting his rocks off. If you would have taken the time to browse through my blog I write more about men doinI a better job of sexually pleasing his women, takinng more time in foreplay and when it comes to orgasms i alway suggest women first.
Yes there is no question that prostitutes are not particularly sophisticatred. Yet if you take the time to talk to them, the number one sex act that they perform is oral sex on married guys because their wives won’t give it to them.
I agree in an ideal world couples should be able to discuss their differences and come to a reasonable solution. In the real world, sex is one of the big 3 that couples fight about.
John
WOW! This was a great post!
Hey Serenity
I recently had some feminists attack me repeatedly for this post, so it is nice
to hear affirmation from a woman, thanks
John Wilder
Hey Larry
I understand where you are coming from. My job is to expand people’s sexual horizons and suggest that anal sex is only forbiddent to homosexual men in the bible not to hetero couples.
Anal sex when done wrong ends up in painful sex and I am NEVER for painful sex, that is why I have devoted a whole blog post on how to have pleasurable and pain free anal sex. BTW the average woman has more pleasurable nerve endings in her anus than she does in her vagina. Once you get past the ugh factor and explore it, it can be very pleasurable for both husband and wife.
John
Trackback Bookmarks…
[…]I have created a trackbacks section on the blog to link to my favourite blog posts[…]……
Not meaning to get off topic here, but as I breakfasted here in the West, I was listening to Laura Ingraham’s radio show. A guest was discussing that married persons go outside their marriages and have affairs after enduring years of frustration.
Can we ever get at the root causes of the frustration that harms and eventually destroys marriages? I think this frustration is partly emotional and partly sexual. (And there are women who seek affairs as well as men.)
I will just venture an observation here. Women who are trained in counseling couples as to relationship issues tell wives to give their husbands plenty of loving sex including oral sex. (Check out the columns and books of Dr. Jane Greer, and Dr. Laura Schlesinger.)
These trained and experienced counselors advise wives to overcome their mental block to oral sex. (Please let us not think that it is only men who are advising this.)
So TikkTok, not intending to pick on you, but you are the only woman so far to be brave enough to leave a dissenting comment – I have a question for you. What exactly is the problem for you in performing fellatio for your husband? This is just food for thought.
Let me add, when my wife performs fellatio for me, I do not think of her as a prostitute. Au Contraire!! Her actions are motivated by love, not by money!
Sincerely, Larry
Larry, don’t assume something that’s not been said- I never said *I* had a problem giving oral sex. 🙂
I am also not saying you think of your wife as a hooker (nor does my husband regard me as such); my comment was in regard to the “sexual sophistication” statement.
My point is- ANYTIME you overlook the needs and preferences of one partner in favor of the other, it sets the stage for problems.
When you tie a woman’s self worth to her willingness to perform sex acts; when you tie a woman’s self worth to her sexual performance- you are laying the foundation for problems.
Sexual performance and sex acts are not about “sophistication”- it’s about trust. That’s the bottom line. To negate that and focus just on the act totally misses the point of why it may not be happening……….
John says he’s talked about the need for men to please their wives. Nothing was linked in his article; it should have been. People are not going to wade through a site looking for anything else once they’ve been turned off. I, personally, don’t have time.
If there is a balanced perspectives, put that in the SAME article. State it in the same place, in context to the other statement. Maybe it’s content that’s poorly communicated.
Because if you don’t, people aren’t going to read past what’s written, regardless of how good the author thinks it might be……………..
Larry, I think the reason no other female has left comments is that they have automatically assumed John is an ass and they aren’t going to waste their time. 😆
John says he takes a balanced approach and doesn’t let the husband off the hook for satisfying the wife- while I haven’t read his thoughts on that subject because I haven’t had time to go digging to find them, I haven’t formed an opinion yet on whether or not that actually is the case.
Hey Tikktok
You are offended because you read into my intent. I have stated that is not my intent. I don’t post balanced articles assuming someone is going to take offense. I have a very balanced blog and deal with both sides of the issue for both men and women.
The key is selfishness. Men can and are often selfish and self centered and I take them on for that. Women too can be selfish and self centered.
As I stated previously, the number one sex act provided by hookers is blow jobs to married men who can’t get them from their wives. This is a lose lose for both the husband and the wife. Sex is one of the big 3 that couples fight about.
I have 3 other blog posts about giving blow jobs and now 73,000 page views and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of women who have taken offense.
So I am sorry to have caused offense, but is it just possible you have misunderstood my intent and my feelings. As to the self esteem issue, every woman that has ever commented on giving blow jobs takes great pride in her ability to please her man. I have never heard a woman who gives blow jobs who hates them. They either do it or don’t. The ones who do take rigthteous pride in making her marriage virtually cheat proof.
John
Hey Larry
You are always an astute commenter. Men feel loved and accepted and nurtured when their wives give them blow jobs. It is the most loving thing that she can to express her love for him.
Tikktok seems to identify with the feminists out there that think that it is perfectly permissable to deny their husband sex based upon their whim and mood. I have commented that while I am not about forcing anyone to do anything that the feminsts think nothing of forcing their men to do without sex against their will and then rail when he cheats after years of frustration. You can’t have it both ways.
I had made coments on another blog theoldheaveho where I was eviscerated and called all kinds of names and had all kinds of hate speech thrown at me for daring to have an opinion contrary to most feminsts.
Blessings on you and yours
John
John, your attitude towards me is offensive and patently false.
You are making assumptions because what- I “dare” to question?
You may be surprised to find out that I actually am not a feminist, although I do believe not every woman should be barefoot and pregnant, because it doesn’t sometimes benefit the children.
I am PRO marriage; pro children, and firmly believe children have the right to have both a mother and a father and that a child’s need for his/her mother in the early years is as basic as its need for food.
This right here is what’s wrong with society. People can’t see past their own incorrect opinions and want to label others and assume they think they know about them.
Nowhere have I said wives should deny their husbands intercourse or any other form of sexual contact based on mood.
You are making leaps again and that’s what I find offensive. It is IMPOSSIBLE to have actual real discussion when people make grand assumptions; particularly about people and their situations they are truly clueless about.
Clearly, you want to label me for some reason I can’t fathom besides thinking it makes you somehow feel superior.
And now, I’m going to visit with my husband, who is home for lunch, as he is every day, barring something unusual.
I think labels should not be used in a discussion that is meant to be open and free. To me it weakens the argument of the the one using them. It is a sign that the labeler can not offer a rebuttal and resort to name-calling.
That and the not so subtle warning to women – if your man is not getting blow jobs or sex when they want then they will go to prostitutes or cheat or divorce. In this world view, sex is not about love or connection it is about obligation and fear.
Thankfully, for most men and women, sex is not used as a preventive measure to prevent humiliation and pain. What self respecting women would have sex with a man on that basis.
John I enjoyed your recent entry on sexual advice to woman. I want to continue to read your blog but I will probably stop because of the name calling.
Women with dissenting views are actually valuable. It offers an opportunity to get a handle on common problems and may offer insight that is useful. Why chase them away.
Hey Maria
Are you saying that I called names?
You have a healthy attitude about sex and I offer you kudos for that. On the other hand many of your sisters
do not. Studies indicate that 60% of women with children at home have their husbands on a starvation diet
of sex once a week or less. The average man needs sexual relief about 3 times a week. He either gets it
through sex with his wife or through masturbation. I can tell you for certain when you force your husband
to masturbate alone it breeds real resentment towards his wife.
I saw it in the rise and fall of the Men’s movement called Promise Keepers. The gist of the movement is that
men needed to be better fathers, husbands and Christians and if they did that, they would get more
sex from their wives. It fell apart because the overwhelming majority of men made those needed changes and
there was no more sex from their wives.
Most men would much prefer to have sex with their wives and don’t want to cheat. But the bible
says that we are not supposed to be a “stumbling block” for our fellow man. How is it anything
but a stumbling block when the man’s wife routinely sexually starves him?
Blessings on you and yours
John
And hey Tikktok Serenity is a woman commenter BTW
John
Well then let me express my apologies, all I have to go on is what you write, just as you made assumptions about me based upon what I wrote. Again you can’t have it both ways. If you are so big on balance pehaps you should have clarified your feeliings in previous posts. You see the danger of the written word. Most communication is about 80% non verbal. With the written word you have only the word filtered through your own set of filters.
Would you agree that we would all benefit by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and clarifying messages that you perceive to make sure that what was meant by the writer instead of assuming that you know what the other person is thinking. Did you not label me as well? Perhaps you could practice what you preach.
John
Where have I labeled you, John? I don’t know anything about you past what I’ve read. I gave Larry an answer as to why there aren’t more people here based on comments on other blogs where other people have actually written those words to you, as I recall.
I absolutely do not assume to know what another person thinks; I only get what I see. When there is nothing written in conjunction with a statement made in a post, the only thing I get is what’s in front of me.
If I was only interested in reading what agreed with my personal perspective via my personal morals and filters, I certainly wouldn’t have made any kind of comment. I did so, going off the assumption that your approach was balanced, and that you were willing to have discussion without fingerpointing and name calling. At this point, I’m feeling like that was an incorrect assumption, simply because I questioned.
Assuming good intent doesn’t generally get folks anywhere unless both parties are actually willing to listen with both ears; read with both eyes and have their brains engaged.
While I have supposed and proposed a theory as to why you said, “Tikktok seems to identify with the feminists out there that think that it is perfectly permissable to deny their husband sex based upon their whim and mood” I haven’t labeled you as being anything because I don’t have enough information to actual form an opinion.
Because you coupled that statement with “the feminsts think nothing of forcing their men to do without sex against their will and then rail when he cheats after years of frustration. You can’t have it both ways,” I feel you are accusing me of being a feminist.
If that was not your intent, more neutral writing (like “People can’t have it both ways”) would have been beneficial.
I agree that most communication is nonverbal. This is *precisely* why the words a person writes online are so important. It’s also why I place a lot of value on the actual words written, because it’s all I’ve got to work with.
You say practice what you preach; yet you are the one who came out with the “you” statements. Basic communication skills teach what the result of that is.
One comment wrt to stats- I don’t know how familiar you are with how search engines work and come up with results, but anyone looking for porn could get that post of yours coming up in their search results. That means they could click through without stopping to read anything. And yet, a hit is a hit. I always liked the stats that told me how long a person spent on a page, because that let me know whether it was a bot (and bots count as hits, too) or an actual person, taking time to read what was on the page.
Hits also don’t mean that a person has read what been written, nor agree with any part of the message.
I think it goes without saying- “hits” don’t mean a hill o’ beans to me personally because it’s empty data. 🙂
I’m also not taking issue with the topic; only the way it is presented, in addition to your comments to me.
People decide within 1/20th of a second whether or not they like a website (http://www.websiteoptimization.com/speed/tweak/blink/- scroll to the bottom for the references); I’d like to think it takes a little longer for someone to read a little something and come to a conclusion wrt content.
The point there again, is that people aren’t usually going to go digging around hoping to find something better on a site if they content they landed on doesn’t do something for them.
If you comment and I don’t respond, it doesn’t mean I was “scared off” and didn’t come back because I felt intimidated or anything along those lines. I don’t have a ton of free time, and don’t particularly enjoy endless debates that aren’t actually conducive to anything……………
From someone who is a professional in communication and counseling, I expected more.
Please let’s not assume the worst about others.
I am saddened to read that John has taken ad hominem attacks on other sites for his views. That is just childish on the part of his attackers.
As to feminists, personally, I have never felt comfortable with that term for them. (And I support equity feminism 100 per cent.)
Most so-called “feminists” have not struck me as being particularly feminine. Some of their spokeswomen are so strident and anti men that one wonders if they are protesting too much. Some of the extreme women appear to me to be suffering from a bitterness at having been born female.
No one on this site is advocating women be kept “barefoot and pregnant”.
As for me, I saw feminism in its virulent form in the late 1970s when I was an undergraduate at the University of Maryland. I saw the attitude coming from young women that men were bad and were oppressors. This needless to say, did not make for win-win relationships. I decided, after graduation and moving back to California, that I would only date women from other countries as I did not see much chance of a successful marriage with an American woman. So for me, the answer was to marry a woman from another culture. And we have been married for 24 years now.
The bitter fruits of a feminism that went to extremes.
Larry, I think there are a lot of men who have experienced and feel the same as you do in regards to American women. I never quite got the men bashing bit either, because men and women aren’t the same; just because there are differences doesn’t mean one is “better than” the other.
I think it’s just sad, both attitudes, because truly, the joy in my life is my husband (the kids being an extension of that). I think it’s sad, too, if a woman can’t (eventually) take joy in being female. While some parts I could live without (lol) I absolutely would not have traded it for the great stuff about being female. (Although hunny is really thrilled to be out of the baby phase :lol:)
What a sad state of affairs, if all American men were to feel as though there are no good American women to build their lives with. I wonder how much religion has a place in this mindset, although I’ve recently learned that some women in the church are counseling others with solutions that totally smack of out-and-out feminism. 😯 Apparently, I live under a rock (and hope to keep it that way). 😆
We’re working on 20 years ourselves, and I can say that California MEN are just fine- at the least mine is. Maybe it’s just the women in the state? 😉
Hey Tikktok
Let me apologize again for giving offense. I too am a victim of horrific feminsts verbal assualts and am 62 where I suffererd as most men did with the militant feminist lebians. I was raised in the south and taught to show respect for women in all ways including opening doors and offering my seat on public transportation. I had many women that I tried to open doors for turn on me and hatefully spit out, you don’t think that I am strong enough to open my own door. I offered my seat to women on public transportation and they looked at me like i was trying to sexually accost them.
I used to go to Promise Keepers which has virtually gone extinct. The not so subtle message was that if we were better men, better fathers and better christians then our wives would be wiling to give us more sex. It largely did not pan out that way even though the guys made some needed and radical changes. I can’t tell you how many guys complained bitterly that they made changes and they still were not getting enough sex.
The lack of sex is the number one complaint that married guys have about their wives. The number two complaint is that women turn on them if they have a complaint about the wife.
So yes, I am jaded by my own admission. Far too many women are willing to use hate speech against me and any other man that dares to disagree with them.
For the record, the reason that I am successful is that I differ from tradtional marriage counselors in that I teach couples good conflict resolution skills.
If you noticed on heave ho, I apologized and tried to clarify my position and explained how it was dysfunctional behavior to use words as clubs and use hate speech with those with whom you disagreed and still she continued in the hate speech.
So I am truly sorry that I lumped you in with the others, my mistake.
I would hope that you would forgive me and continue to read my blog as you get time. It is truly balanced as I can make it. I would welcome your comments even if you disagreed with me as long as they were respectfully delivered which I think that you are innately.
Blessings on you and yours
John
By the way Tikktok, my blog posts do not come up in porn sites. My google page rank is 3 and usually is at the top or very near the top of any page that it is listed on. All you have to do is punch in
marriagecoach1 into google, you don’t even need the whole address to see for yourself.
73,000 page views is nothing to sneeze at. Take an inventory of other blogs that you read and ask them what their current page view count is.
I help a lot of people on here whether you approve or not. I truly get very few negative comments and I always take them seriously and I always publish them. Old heave ho accused me of dropping negative comments but hers is still on there, your are on here and I do take them seriously and try to answer them as best as I can.
John
LOL, John. I didn’t say your site comes up on porn sites. I said it would come up in search results. Apples and elephants, there.
If someone were, for example, Google or otherwise search for “blow job” your site will come eventually, and this particular page.
The way bots work is when they crawl, they index all words on a page on a site/blog, in addition to tags- keyword, meta tags, etc.The more people search for certain terms and click on certain results, the higher the page rank in the search results. Bots are crawling all the time.
The more specific the search term, for example, the one you suggested- of course it’s going to come up. Mine is the first result if you seach for “tikk tok.” That’s just the way search engines work.
Honestly, hits don’t mean anything to me. They don’t guarantee that site content is valid or worthwhile. They don’t even guarantee that someone is reading the page, yada yada yada.
I’m glad they make you feel good. 🙂 Popularity does not = quality. (It doesn’t automatically negate it, either- just one can’t look at one thing and assume the other.)
There are a lot of people who have voted for presidents that have been disastrous for the country, too. The point is that interest, hits, or even acceptance of something (like divorce, for example) doesn’t mean it’s a good thing just because it’s popular.
It certainly doesn’t mean popularity should cancel out critical thinking and reasoning.
Herd mentality rarely does anything worthwhile for me personally.
And there was a German study (http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/06/city-brains/) that recently came out where the results indicated that living in cities caused mental illness……
Well anything is certainly possible, but why would you click onto a site and then not read anyting on it? Does not make sense to me.
All I am saying is that with that many page views don’t you think that others would have taken me to task with negative comments. I hear and understand that you don’t particularly like my writing style and personal philosophy and I accept that. You can’t please everyone and I have learned that a long time ago.
What I am trying to promote is better sex for everyone men and women and better more harmonious relationships. I don’t want anyone else’s kids to suffer through divorce because it is so devastating to kids. That is my goal and my mission.
I am certainly not above critique and try to learn from each one who chooses to critique me. I don’t pretend to have all the answers but have a lot of them.
Blessings on you and yours
John
Hoping this is permitted. Below are two of the many comments from women that a casual search of the Internet turned up on fellatio. The second comment is rather lengthy and is from a newlywed. From her remarks, it is clear that she approaches her loving fellatio with enthusiasm and greatly enjoys it. (Many wives enjoy performing fellatio. Attitude is key.)
I have arrived at the conclusion that those folks that condemn fellatio within marriage, and negatively view and/or condemn the loving, playful, tender wives who happily perform it, are themselves giving offense to God. Let wives and husbands find sexual fulfillment within their loving marriages! Sincerely, Larry
Comment by hisbabe on September 15, 2010 4:52 pm
i didn’t use to swallow, but one night i was tired and didn’t want to deal with the clean-up so i swallowed it. he was so touched and felt so loved and accepted that i’ve never gone back. if i had known that it would affect him in such a profound way i would have swallowed from the beginning!
Comment by StarKitten on September 16, 2010 2:52 pm
Oh my goodness I love doing this. Of course the taste is not what it is all about but oh my goodness it is so sexy to have your husband’s penis in your mouth. I have a fascination with it and use a mirror to watch myself. I did this several times when we married before we ever had intercourse (we were still traveling). I cannot imagine many more things as hot and sexy to me and of course to him. Swallowing goes with the territory and is as much of an aphrodisiac as watching myself do it. Again about the taste, could care less, the act of it is what I get into, also how much pleasure he gets out of it, it is such a blessing to be able to so easily and quickly please my husband in such a simple manner. I will go one further, I also immensely enjoy the texture, not so much in my mouth when it is shot in but when I am playing with it, even lapping it up the texture is better and arousing. My husband is open to doing anything as a couple so we play together to the point of enjoying one anthers enjoyment if that makes sense. Another thing I noticed is our kissing is out of this world when I do this, anyone else get this? And my husband recovers the fastest from this than any other thing we do so we are able to do more and more often with oral. He gets so turned own afterward when I am cleaning up that he stays semi hard and rock hard soon after. This is normal I suppose? I am learning better technique as well so maybe that is helping.
Hey Larry
You always add the voice of intelligence and reason, thanks again for all you contribute.
If you want to see real hate speech go to the old heave ho blog site above and read how a bunch of women can egg each other on to shred a man whose motives are pure.
Blessings on you and yours
John
Just to throw out an observation. Comments and criticisms on some websites are often far from being civil. I have read through discussion comments where once a disagreement between participants surfaces, very soon name calling appears and other condescending remarks are made. It seems not to matter what the subject being discussed is (history, politics, economics, religion, sex, and relationships). People just talk, or write, past each other.
As to American women…..I have read comments from women who now live in the USA after having grown up in Europe, Latin America or Asia. Some of these women have remarked that they see American women as not really making it a priority to respect and please their men. The term “spoiled” has even been applied to American women. Of course, we must be careful about making generalizations. But, some American women ought to reflect on this. (It strikes me that we Americans tend to be so damn egocentric that we think that the way we do things in the USA is the only way, or the best way. to do things. In some aspects of life, this is simply not so! We could learn a lot from other societies if we were more willing and open to looking at ourselves honestly and objectively.)
John, you have apologized more than enough. You cannot please everyone. Some individuals require obsequiousness (sp?) from others around them. Please do not fall prey to that trap.
Wives, you get what you give in this life. If you want a strong, mutually respectful and beneficial, loving marriage – the choice is yours. If the man you married was worth marrying and is a good man, he will reciprocate the love and respect you show him. This means, as you can see, that your efforts will be rewarded and your marriage can be, as it should be, a Win-Win relationship. Again, the choice is yours.
Sincerely, Larry
Larry do you think that you as an American male bear any resemblance to European, Latin or Asian men your attitude towards women?
I am Hispanic and I can tell you that women are honored by men in my culture. I find that in American culture, men seem hostile towards women and pick them apart. I am glade I am not married to an American.
There are differences between cultures and the differences affect men and women.
Maria,
An interesting point you raise as regards women being honored by men in other cultures. And, how, in those other cultures do women treat their men? It is much easier to honor and respect those that honor you. (Relationships are two way streets so to speak and involve mutual, ongoing sacrifices.)
A careful reading of my above comments will show that I am not “picking apart” or even criticising all American women. We personally know many wives that are loving to, respectful towards, and playful with their husbands. These wives’ husbands respect, cherish, love, and yes, honor their wives. These are the marriages that last and succeed.
For those wives who are in a marriage that is joyless and/or failing, perhaps it is time to consider what you can do to improve your loving relationship with your husband. (A possible starting point is to go back to the top and reread the post by John that started this discussion.)
I should have been more explicate in my remarks. When I referred differences in attitude, I really meant differences in cultures.
Some of the attitudes displayed by men and women in the US would be considered crazy in the Latin cultures. The dismissive attitude towards old women in the US is just one.
One of the perks of getting older is that as your hair turns gray, your skin wrinkles, you are treated with more deference, tenderness and love.
For us, the appearance of age turns on a love switch, much like babies. My grandfather calls my grandmother “the old lady” in spanish. It is a term of endearment.
As women age in this culture, they are treated like trash by men. And they get plastic surgery to remove their lovely wrinkles. I say this on the basis of what is culturally acceptable, not necessarily individually.
You can keep saying it is a two way street but, that will not convince anyone to move in the right direction.
Women will not change because men are unhappy and neither will men change because women are unhappy. No amount of preaching blaming or castigating will make men or women capitulate.
The standoff will break with the next generation I suspect. It is usually the way things move forward. Our kids are observing the gender divide and when they come of age their history will be different.
They will not have the bitterness of men who lived through the feminist revolution, they will not know what it is like to discriminate against women in school and the work place, they will not know what it is like to impose control over a woman’s sexuality.
They will look at the world with the hope and freshness of youth and the indefatigable spirit that will not admit limits. I am very hopeful.
Adults alive today have lived through one of the most cataclysmic social changes that has ever been seen. We are in a difficult state of flux.
But the next generation will only know the new and they will not listen to elders about what they should do, they will make their own way and we will just have to watch.
Maria,
I quite agree with you about respect for elderly individuals. We do not respect the elderly in the US as we should. Other cultures do show more respect to their older folks. We already see neglect in our hospitals towards the elderly and this will only get worse with the nationalized healthcare and its inevitable rationing of care.
We also see, in the USA, a lack of respect for children – inside and outside of the womb. The US is the only industrialized country in the world to routinely mutilate the genitals of its newborn males (infant circumcision). This is rarely ever medically indicated and abnormalizes coitus for both wives and husbands. American women are not “frigid”. They are denied the joys of natural sex because of this fraud from the medical establishment. Needless to say, I advise prospective parents not to have their sons mutilated and tell them that “one day your sons and future daughters-in-law will thank you”.
And, not to stray too far from the original blog post by John (above), I view fellatio as a tender and loving act that a wife performs out of love for her husband. John is also correct in his other blog posts that married couples ought to make love often and passionately. There is more to marriage than sex, yes, but good, loving sex strengthens the bond between the spouses.
Sincerely, Larry
Larry I agree that oral sex should be viewed as a loving gesture but for both partners.
I mentioned the what my husband and I do in the previous post. We have oral sex night and give to each other. We show each other love.
I get the sense that what you and John are saying is that women are somehow obligated to show their husbands love by giving them oral sex.
I honestly can’t see that and not many women view their marital relationship that way. Perhaps that is the problem with the reluctance on the part of some women.
Most of us feel that we are giving as much as we get and there is nothing owed. For men who feel that their wives are obligated well, are unlikely to convince their wives of that. Therefore, she may resist because she does not agree.
I think a healthier and relationship affirming way to handle oral sex is to be reciprocal. Women first because most women remain arroused and willing after orgasm whereas most men do not. It’s biological.
What do you think of that. Don’t you think that would work better than any hint of obligation, if indeed you feel that way. Maybe not, I am not sure. But if any man feels that way, I think it would be better if he reframed things.
BTW. There are plenty of times I give to my husband without being arroused or get reciprocated. I like to see him relax and not have to worry about holding back. Just relax and enjoy.
My husband makes me very happy. He gives tirelessly to our family and he shows me that he appreciates me as I do him. I don’t need or like to keep count. I am happy and that is all i need to gauge where we are.
I need to clarify. By nothing I am not talking about sexual intimacy. I think that is essential for men to stay connected. That has been shown in study after study.
We don’t have to understand it or even know what it feels like as women. It is what it is. I think many women just don’t know. Hopefully that will improve in the future.
Maria
I have zero tolerance for a man who would demand blow jobs and not reciprocate. I have said so in other blog posts. MOST men take pride in satisfying their women orally but feel cheated when the woman won’t reciprocate. And as to orgasms I always say women first to the men. Not only first but last because once a woman is sufficiently aroused as you know knocking off a few more is far less trouble and every man should get a clue.
Blessings on you and yours
John
But John I don’t think many couples reciprocate the way my husband and I do. I don’t like talking about my sex life to my gf’s but tgey mention things about theirs. I listen – non of them give oral sex to each other to completion at the same time.
Usually, their husbands give them oral and then they have sex or they give their husbands foreplay oral and then have sex or tgey give their husbands oral sex with none for them.
Their husbands never give them oral sex without having vaginal sex but they give to their husbands that way.
Tgey have been married for 5 – 7 years and have small kids. Tgey say that they feel very tierd and tgey are doing most of the work in the family. We all work full- time.
They seem to feel that they are doing the lions share of the family work and feel resentful that they cannot get their husbands to pitch in without being told.
I am going the long way around here – whereas they once gave bj with no expectation of any sexual satisfaction they now feel that they are operating at a deficit and are not inclined to be generous.
You may think these women are selfish but from their point of view, they are giving as much love as they are getting.
One friend said the following when talking about her problems getting her husband to pull his weight in the evening: . I do almost every thing in the evening when I get home from work, he can’t show me that he even cares that I am overworked why should I show him any special love.
She has a point.
Hey Maria
I most certainly don’t think that the women you mentioned are selfish. I have no patience with a guy who won’t pull his share of the housework when both are working. I also have no patience with a guy who won’t give his wife oral satisfaction but wants it himself.
Most men if you sit them down and explain to them that they would get the sexual needs met as long as he is satisfying his wife’s and are willing to pull half the housework, then most men are willing to come around. If not, send them to me and I will straighten them out.
Blessings on you and yours
John
I’m not explaining my self. They do give there wives oral as much as the wives want. But they like to have oral to completion and then done.
So they do take care of their wives. Not at the same time though.
Okay this response is even more confusing to me. Are you saying that guys give oral until their wives are done and then stop, I don’t get it.
John
Hey Maria and John,
Yes, husbands need to help out with the household duties and chores. (And when the small children get older, they can be given some chores to help out the adults.) When both spouses work full time, of course, there needs to be an equitable sharing of the work around the house. As well, husbands need to give oral sex to their wives.
I am not as pessimistic as some readers may be. I believe talking about these things can help bring about positive change. A wife with a husband who is not helping out at home may need to talk to him several times to get some substantive change in behavior. One discussion is rarely going to do the trick. But, this does not mean that talking cannot help to effect change.
Please do not escalate any tensions or frustrations here by withholding sex to punish your husband. That will only serve to start a cycle of tit for tat animosity and that childish type behavior helps no one.
One of the original intentions of addressing this topic of wives performing fellatio for their husbands was to help wives overcome any mental blocks or needless fears and inhiibitions with the act. That is stil important. Husbands ought to come to bed clean and neatly trimmed or shaved to help their wives out. I suggest wives do the same (be clean and shaved/trimmed) and this may help their husbands to perform oral sex for them more readily.
More specifically and more to the point, Maria, you said:
“I think a healthier and relationship affirming way to handle oral sex is to be reciprocal. Women first because most women remain arroused and willing after orgasm whereas most men do not. It’s biological.”
That is an excellent point! Women, when aroused, are more willing to perform fellatio to completion and enjoy it more. That is true. The husband should go down on his wife first. Some wives, who have already orgasmed and are still very much turned on, say that they can even orgasm again through performing fellatio for their husband. This may, at first thought, be hard to believe. But, it is true for many women when they are aroused. It is physiological. A woman’s whole body is much more sensitive when aroused and her mouth is a very sensous and erogenous zone. A wife deeply into the sensations she is experiencing during her fellatio – being in the now – is not giving any thought (or worry) as to what to do with her husband’s semen when he starts blasting it out. For her, when she feels those warm spurts, it is simply natural, easier and quicker to swallow the cum. The sharing in his climax is also emotionally gratifying for the wife.
Maria you also remarked: “non of them give oral sex to each other to completion at the same time.”
This is another great and important point to consider. Doing oral to completion for both spouses can be very satisfying. From what you say, it appears not enough couples realize this and/or have not tried this to know how (very) hot it can be for both spouses.
Thanks for the helpful insights, Maria.
Hopefully, the husbands and wives reading all these posts will give some serious thought to the points raised.
Sincerely, Larry
Hi Larry some couples like to do 69 but I want to enjoy each experience on it’s own. Twice the fun. Plus I can’t concentrate.
Most women need to concentrate to orgasm. 69 may be too distracting and maybe frustrating. I would advise men to substitute taking turns in place of simultaneous. That is if the partner has problems enjoying.
Every body is happy and it is sensitive to the way some women operate.
Maria,
Couples need to find what works best for them. Agreed.
Your observation on the “69” is spot on. It can be distracting for the man as well! For my wife and I, taking turns pleasing each other works best.
It my be in one of these responses, but I have not read them all. What if my husband does not like blow jobs. I know tou may be saying “then you are probably not doing it right”. Believe me I am. I have never had a man not like blow jobs before. It bothers me, and DOES make me think something is wrong with me. We have talked about it and he just says it doesn’t do much for him so he’d rather not. The sad thing is, I actually like doing it.
Kristi
It takes all kinds and you have my sincere sympathy on your frustration. I once had a wife who did not want oral from
me and I pride myself on being very good at. Your husband is the exception to the rule as you must well realize.
You might ask him is there anything that you can do differently to make it more pleasurable for him, just a thought
John Wilder
Hi Kristi,
From your last sentence, I sympathize with you. When you enjoy doing something for your spouse and he is not responsive or does not appreciate your loving efforts, that is both sad and frustrating. The fact that you like giving oral sex shows that you have a healthy sexuality. There is nothing wrong with you.
Does your husband respond well in intercourse (coitus)? If he is having problems with intimacy, arousal, and/or achieving orgasm, there may be other issues (physiological or psychological or emotional) for him. He may even think that fellatio is “dirty” or “wrong”. You could ask him how he views the act. Communicate to him that you enjoy giving him this pleasure and do it for him out of love. (It may be surprising to read, but some men do have problems with climaxing from oral sex. Adding some variety to your technique, mixing up the caresses, licking and sucking may help him to ejaculate. Also, it does not hurt any to encourage him with some hot yet respectful words such as “Come for me baby. I want to taste your sweet load.”)
In time, this issue/challenge may improve for both of you.
Blow jobs are like having someone go to the toilet in someone’s mouth. Gross and demeaning and I find it deeply offensive the pressure and emotional blackmail used trying to force women to do something so debasing. Don’t push your sick fantasies on to the rest of us by trying to make me feel bad for perfectly normal sense of revulsion. What a sick bunch you all are
Hey Charlotte.
Your comments don’t represent the majority of women. I suspect based upon your anger, hostile putdowns
and verbal insults that .you were sexually abused as a child, probably by a father or stepfather.
Note that I did not delete your comments now matter how hateful because I want to address the full range of
comments. If you go through my blog posts you will note very few negative comments and not because I deleted them.
A lot of women take pride in giving their man a great blow job. How would you feel if your lover went down on you
and described how disgusting your tastes and smells are? I am very sorry for what you have undergone and for the record
I too was sexually abused by a catholic priest but I will not apologize for my blog posts nor do I need to.