THE LOST BOYS? HAS THE MEDIA-CREATED IMAGE OF MEN WHO NEVER GROW UP SPAWNED A NEW GENERATION OF MALES EAGER TO PROVE THEIR WORTH?

I was heavily quoted in this piece about women’s sexism. Here is the note I received stating that the magazine article was now posted. He also referred to my new book to be published in January

John,

Thank you again for your willingness to talk about the media perception of men. We have developed that story and do have it online. You will receive an email from Burgundy but I wanted to personally send you the link. Thank you again for your wonderful input (http://www.burgundymag.com/index.php/health/wellness/415-media-perception). It was greatly appreciated.

Regards,
Kevin

J. Kevin Powell
PIIP Media, LLC
1532 Bubbling Creek Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30319
http://www.PIIPmedia.com
http://www.BurgundyMag.com
PIIP Media is a company focused on changing how we view society through uplifting entertainment that is commercially viable. We believe in developing a strong empowering presence in our community by creating an energy through our products that recasts the world in a brighter light. Our media, and associated products, rejuvenate the souls of those who use them.

Category: Wellness
Published on Friday, 22 June 2012 14:02
Written by J. Kevin Powell

 
Just a few years ago, a minivan commercial showed a father, so eager to shut out the sounds of his children, he couldn’t wait to get them in the car to turn on the DVD players. Dr. Richard Horowitz was so enraged he wrote the automaker who soon removed the commercial.
 
Jason Hundley, an X-ray Tech in Radcliffe, Kentucky, continually avoids the pack of women at work who constantly refer to men as children, dogs and ‘just like the men on tv’. Incensed even more by the “we know you’re not like that” comments, he’s searched for ways to fight for male rights.
 
Affected by the omnipresent definition of happily every after being limited to the woman’s determination of the meaning, John Wilder, a marriage coach, has seen the build up of anger in men over the years. He attributes the demeaning media perception of men to misandry and reeducates couples on roles in their relationships.
 
Dr. David Power, who abhors the Tim the Tool Man stereotype portrayed through various television shows and commercials, routinely does the laundry and cooks for himself. With a baby in the house, his two sons know when he calls a code brown, to get diapers, wipes and help daddy change the baby’s diaper. He’s started a fight club.
 
While the media continues to portray men as grown kids who need to be coddled and directed by the strong hand of their mother-like spouses, men throughout America are fighting back. Men are growing weary of this characterization, even in a limited tongue and cheek manner.
 
“Men who are more mature and have families, those men are somewhat confused about the world,” said Dr. Horowitz, who now runs GrowingGreatRelationships.com with his wife.
 
The appreciation for the everyday male has seemed to wane in recent history. It seems as if a male simply takes care of his home, he’s still doing something wrong. If he does dress well, then he still may not be metrosexual enough. If he is a good guy, he doesn’t possess enough raw aggression to spark the chemistry of a bad boy. And if he is a bad boy, well, of course he’s a project that can be fixed.
 
But a large amount of confusion seems to be attributed to the power of the feminist movement and the confusion that era has brought to men in America.
 
Origins
 
Women’s rights began in 1913 but didn’t end in 1920 when women received the right to vote. In her book,Stiffed, Susan Faludi attributes much of the change of women’s gender roles to WWII when many women were needed to work in support of the war effort and take care of both gender roles at home.
 
This period sparked an undercurrent of misandry as men returned home and attempted to reinsert themselves into their traditional gender roles, roles women now knew they could perform.
 
However, John Wilder, author of the soon to be published Sex Education for Adults, Secrets to Amazing Sex and Happily Ever After Too, states rearing of women during this period did not significantly change. Many women were not, and still are not, raised in a critique-friendly environment similar to young men.
 
As women learned to openly analyze men’s actions, there was no education on how receiving it. Even worst, men learned never to say anything.
 
“The number one complaint I get from men is women do not make it safe to critique women,” said John. “Women say they want equality, but they want absolute dominance. Most [men] had coaches and grew up accepting critique where women take it personally.”
 
John states that while women sought equality socially, they didn’t accept it within their interpersonal relationships.
 
Dr. Powers knows too well the application of this thought. Gathering with his church fight club, men often tell stories of intentionally doing some type of chore or assignment wrong. Feeling there is no way to do the task right without being criticized, or being able to make any critical comment, why even try?
 
Passive aggressive men give in recognizing they’ll eventually lose the fight and she’ll correct whatever he did anyway, John added. Women who feel they’ve been critiqued go through fanatic efforts to teach their male partner to never critique them again.
 
As female writers, advertisers, marketers and others in media continue to increase their influence, and men who either stay silent or help push the stereotype continue using the perception in the name of ‘what sells’, men continue to see the media images of them grow in ways that are uncomfortable.

29 Responses to THE LOST BOYS? HAS THE MEDIA-CREATED IMAGE OF MEN WHO NEVER GROW UP SPAWNED A NEW GENERATION OF MALES EAGER TO PROVE THEIR WORTH?

  1. I love this! I love my strong, clever, thoughtful, wise husband very much and try very hard to be as respectful of him as he is of me. I hate seeing TV wives be mean or condescending to their men. That is not the type of relationship I want my children to grow up thinking is normal!

  2. verbalbanter says:

    …and then there are the not so “passive” aggressive men. Just wrote: Dear Dad post ( very difficult )

    • Hey Verbal

      I realize that there are very aggressive men out there but there are very aggressive women as well.
      My ex wife used to scream fuck you all the time for the sin of her having to work part time
      when my kids were growing up and then she started denigrating me to my kids in front of me.
      It should be pointed out that I worked 3 jobs in college to put us both through school at the same
      time and she did not have to work then.

  3. dabaudoin says:

    In defending the reputation of men, must you turn the finger of blame to feminism? Perhaps it’s not feminism or chauvinism, but dualism at the root of all this? Men against women, women against men? Perhaps we should all be allies, working towards common goals. As a feminist who does not hate men, I find it hard to accept responsibility for real or perceived reverse sexism. And please remember that many of the TV shows are produced, directed, and written by men. Perhaps you should look to men, who hold the majority of decision-making jobs in the media, for an explanation of this alleged reverse sexism?

    • I am talking about relationships and commercials. I am talking about Maureen Dowd who penned a dead serious rant explaining that the only reason
      for men in today’s society is to be sperm donors. Check out Wikipedia for a great explanation in depth with examples about the rampant misandry in
      our society today
      John

  4. dabaudoin says:

    Reblogged this on Ten Thousand Soapboxes and commented:
    I’m not sure how I wound up following this blog, but I’m rather glad I am. I’m feeling a little waspish at the moment–even though I *know* we shouldn’t be feeding the duality fire, I do enjoy being a voice of opposition when people are so obviously wrong.

    • In your humble opinion I am wrong. I deal with couples and women who eviscerate their men if they even think
      about critiquing them although the women have no problem at all critiquing men. I am talking about 78% of all
      women 30 and over who have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less when the average
      man needs sexual relief about 3 times a week. If there were true equality among the sexes women would have
      long ago compromised where she had a night off and the next night the man had the night on. Most men would be
      happy with that but the feminists would rail against it

      • Rob says:

        the only way it’ll change is if men stop giving a shit about getting laid. that’s my attitude lately. let her worry about why I don’t care anymore. Sad but true. And your comments about women criticizing men but the reverse not being allowed – spot on. I can’t even pick out my own clothes, but if I dare suggest she wear something – it’s all ‘oh you will NEVER tell me what to wear, I don’t dress like a SLUT’ . Cuz I like her to show a little cleavage. Women have , as a result of feminism , learned to stand up for themselves, which is good. What feminism has NOT taught them, is how to let men stand up for themselves. It seems every ‘movement’ in this country, whether it’s about gender , or race, or sexuality, not only takes it’s rights back, but then punishes the perceived perpertrators of the original prejudice. The thing is , the real perpetrators would never stand for that. It’s the nice guys that pay the price. Think about that women. chances are, that guy you’re with, is nothing like your father.

      • Hey Rob
        Yes you have hit the nail on the head as usual

  5. sexynsingle says:

    I found this post rather interesting and at the same time dis-heartening. I have to agree with you on the portrayal of men in commercials and television shows, yet at the same time I have to wonder how is it now that men are finally standing up. For to long commercials have portrayed women as one way or another, and yet women live with this on a daily basis because society portrays it. As for the men, I think its fitting that they are wanting to find their “roles” and become “real men”. Lets also not forget that feminism was and still is not the answer. If men don’t know their roles and allow media to portray them one way, and women don’t know their roles as women, and are viewed as media also portrays them, the problem is never fixed. Its really a two way street. For all the men who are “fighting” back, I applaud you.

    • Hey Sexy
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Men have felt bullied by women and we have no way
      to fight back. I will be the first to admit that there used to be a need for feminists
      but all those things have been remedied by legislation. Wikipedia does a great job
      of illustrating the rampant misandry in our society. Sexism is evil regardless of the
      gender practicing it.
      John

  6. I think it goes two-way, and it is very difficult sometimes to identify real gender roles from stereotyping. I really do not find any humor about the media portraying mother-archetype wives and “man-boys.” The reverse of it would be a chauvinist male character, dominant yet shallow, and the woman would be some 1960’s-era-stereotype of the housewife kind. Sexism has always been a disease of the society, when most often, there are no significant differences between gender outside sexuality.

  7. Rob says:

    and I used to like to watch king of queens, raymond, yes, dear. etc. Now that I think about the messages being sent I really can’t stand it. and ‘last man standing’ ? what man.

  8. Hey Rob

    Yes all those shows portrayed men as boobs and the woman the heroine who has to constantly bail out the boob husband, what ever happened to Father Knows Best?

  9. larryzb says:

    Sadly, there are not a few examples of “lost boys”, men who never grew up. I need look no further than a few of my neighbors who, in middle age, act a lot like males of 19 or 20 years old and lack maturity. But, as a generalization, it suffers the limitations of such.

    Part of the responsibility for this situation lies with how we are raising our sons and daughters – or not raising them as so many parents are like absentee landlords these days. Also, let us not overlook the examples set before our children’s eyes when the wife bullies and demeans her husband and/or the husband bullies and/or demeans his wife. Children may not say anything when they see such behavior, but it does affect their thinking and perceptions.

    In the past 30 years or more, we have witnessed how American men have been emasculated in our society. Aggressive feminists, politicians (pandering to the feminists), and many clergy have done this to American men. And, too many women have assumed masculine characteristics.

    It is not worth much, but I say that there is nothing wrong with the husband who desires his wife sexually often and with much ardor. (The man who does not desire his wife in this way has the problem.) The genuinely loving wife welcomes her husband in his desire, and reciprocates it.

  10. Sick of "Christian" Men Like You says:

    People, go look at this https://slimambition.wordpress.com/2010/05/27/my-husband-is-embarrassed-of-me/#comment-270. . .

    Mr. Wilder told a neglected wife that she should give her husband a blow job in order to get him more interested in her because Mr. Wilder made assumptions that the woman, having had a baby, was starving her husband.

    Mr. Wilder didn’t give a shit that this woman was being starved herself for a woman’s needs. Mr. Wilder only cares about men’s needs.

    Mr. Wilder, I think you’re a blight to Christian marriages. Marriage isn’t all about what a man needs sexually. It’s that message your sending, emphasizing SEX SEX SEX, that is actually dangerous. Yeah, sex is a need of both men and women, but men and women both have emotional needs too.

    Mr. Wilder, you sound as if you went into this “profession” in hopes of healing yourself and in order to put women in their place. Pathetic.

    If men are emasculated, it must be accepted that the emasculation has been due in large part in man’s failure to be godly. Quit blaming the media and women. Women rebelled like teenagers when men started neglecting their godly duties to God, wife and family.

    Masculinity will not be healed through sexuality. It will be healed through reconciliation with Christ and treating the individuals around you, women & children, the way men are supposed to treat them. . . by denying self. Take up thy cross and follow Me, I heard my Master say. What does that mean? Quit wallowing in self-pity, pull your big boy pants up with humility, and quit looking to your own self-interests (including your “sexual” needs – because, duh, your wife has emotional needs just as strong). . . We are commanded to look to the interests of others.

    Mr. Wilder, you welcome men to believe they are being victimized, and through that, you emasculate more men than any woman possibly could by saying, Fuck you.

    PATHETIC.

    • So would you want this hate filled diatribe published in your church bulletin. Had you bothered to read through
      my blog posts you would have seen that I take on men even more so than women for not taking care of her emotional
      as well as sexual needs. I take on men for the wham bam thank you maam adolescent sexuality that they display
      with their wives.

      I uphold and rebuild Christian marriages far better than tradtional marriage counselors. Traditonal marriage
      counselors have a horrendous failure rate of 75% where I have an 80% success rate. Not only that I give a money
      back guarantee that no traditional marriage counselors give because I feel that it is important to be
      accountable to your clients.

      A Woman by the name of Mara Belle Morgan said the same things that I have in her book and classes nationwide
      in her ministry called The Total Woman. Dr Laura Schleisenger also says similar things to me in her books
      and on her radio show.

      If you could stop the hate mongering for a few minutes, you would realize that you are being a terrible witness.
      The Bible says not to be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. In what way are you demonstrating that
      on my blog? In what way are you showing the love of Christ here?

  11. Sick of "Christian" Men Like You says:

    I challenge you, Mr. Wilder, to look at the portrayal of young women and older women in media. As a female with five sisters, I can assure you that the expectations of females to look a certain way are way harsher than the expectations placed upon males. I can also tell you as a middle aged woman that women grow invisible to men as they grow older because they don’t look a certain way anymore. . . a woman’s worth in the media is based on her appearance. You probably would defend a man being sexually uninterested in his wife and blame her for his roving eyes or cheating if she is simply aging or has added a few stretch marks or weight due to age or childbearing.

    No. Males are not emasculated more harshly in the media than females are demeaned and belittled.

    Quit being blind. Satan has had his field day ruining the perceptions of both men and women. It’s not “men have it worse.”

    You’re being overly sensitive. (Oh, wait. Isn’t that something that men stereotypically say to women?)

    If you think you are a victim, you emasculated yourself, poor pitiful you. Find your worth in Christ. . . the media will not be able to take that away!

    • You assume my self worth is damaged. It is not. I have a woman who is a year older than me
      at 63 and she is beautiful because she works at maintaining her figure as do I for her.
      It is about doing what you need to do instead of letting yourself go.

      John Wilder

  12. Sick of "Christian" Men Like You says:

    By the way, I have four sons. I am empathetic towards both men and women.

  13. Sick of "Christian" Men Like You says:

    And oh, let me add. . . My husband does not “service” me as often as I would like. It’s not always women starving men. Your averages and assumptions suck.

  14. Sick of "Christian" Men Like You says:

    Next you’ll assume I’m a dog. And I am not.
    Next you’ll assume I’m a fat, lazy housekeeper with at least 4 children. Sure, got five kids. But I’m not lazy.
    Next you’ll assume I’m demeaning towards my husband and don’t take care of his needs. . . you’ll be wrong again.
    Next you’ll assume I’m stupid and mad. You’ll be wrong again.

    The only person I’m mad at today is you for your dumbass comments and for making Jesus look bad.

    • In what way do I make Jesus look bad? Note that I published your hate speech
      even though I could have just as easily deleted it. You have taken something
      personal where I am talking averages.
      John Wilder

    • Once you calm down and reread your comments, I will at your request take them down. I would not want comments like this published by me but then you cowardly did not give your name. I always take responsibility for my comments by giving my real name instead of hiding behind a phony name. That is cowardice on your part

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