Masturbation is Not A Sin According To The Bible. Here Is The Proof

March 28, 2012

Masturbation is Not a Sin According to The Bible
Scriptural Exegesis by John Wilder

It is indeed surprising how many main-stream pastors who would eschew “proof texting” have no problem doing exactly that when it comes to masturbation. Sadly the discussion of sex in churches in our country are limited to it is “bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it”. They completely miss out on all the sex positive messages from the bible and that sex is a gift from God.

The churches completely ignore a NT mandated ministry in Titus 2 where it says: “that the older women of the church are supposed to teach the younger women of the church how to love their husbands (sexually) so that the Word of God is not blasphemed” As a result there is a lot of lousy sex going on out there because so many women have real ambivalence over their sexuality. Sex is of course on of the big 3 that couples fight about and divorce over.

We live in a very puritanical society, not unlike the middle east who are also puritanical about sex. As a result, we have the highest divorce rate on the planet.

Let us not therefore judge one another any more; but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or occasion to fall in his brother’s way. Romans 14:13

We tell our kids not to masturbate that it is a sin. God made the sex drive one of the most powerful known to man. You lay a huge load of guilt on kids over this.

For the record, there is no place in the bible stating that masturbation is a sin or even referring to it. The Catholic church talks about the sin of Onan in Genesis 38 where he spilled his seed on the ground. This however had nothing at all to do with masturbation but Onan was having sex with his deceased brother’s wife according to Jewish law to raise up an heir to his deceased brother. God performed the death penalty on Onan for his sin of disobedience.

The bible is very explicit and detailed in what God defines as sexual sin; Tokens of virginity were required of the bride (bloody sheets) in Deut 22:15-17.

Daughters were not supposed to be a whore and fathers were not to pimp out their daughters as whores in Leviticus 19:29 and 21:7,9

Priests of the temple could not have any blemish or physical abnormality including having damaged testicles (and they wanted to inspect them) in Leviticus 21:20

Priests were required to marry only a virgin of his tribe according to Leviticus 21:13

Speaking of testicles, if a wife observing her husband in a fight with another man and the other man was beating up her husband, if she grabbed the man’s testicles to be an equalizer to help her husband in the fight, her hand was to be amputated. Deut 25:11-12

Not only was incest forbidden but God gave us every possible family combination considered incest in Leviticus 18:6-18

You were not supposed to have sex with your wife on her period (OT only, Hebrews 13:4 dispenses with the ceremonial laws) in Leviticus 18:19

You were not to commit adultery with your neighbor’s wife in Leviticus 18:20

You were not supposed to have homosexual sex according to Leviticus 18:22

Men and women were forbidden to have sex with animals I n Leviticus 18:23

You were not supposed to have orgy sex to false gods in Leviticus 20:5

If you persuade a virgin to have sex with you then you are required to marry her according to Deut 22:28-29

Cross dressing was forbidden in Deut 22:5 for both men and women.

We are told to flee fornication in the NT in the following chapters: Gal 5:19, Eph 5:3, and Col 3:5. But so many people mis-translate fornication as having sex as singles.. What fornication actually means is not to earn your living as a temple prostitute in the false god worship which consisted of mass orgies in the groves to false gods. Because people were poor, the would be paid prostitutes to help people who did not have a willing partner to have sex with. There was a split in pay between the prostitute and the temple. Fornication in the greek is where we get our word for pornography. The literal greek is porneo and pornea which is a male and female prostitute.

Have you noticed that there is no mention of masturbation here? God created sex as a gift for us and for our pleasure. It is such a strong drive in us that God allowed young teens to get married to have a legal outlet for their sexuality. This is demonstrated in Proverbs 5 where it says:

Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice always with the wife of your youth (young teens). Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times and be thou always RAVISHED in her love. Prov 5:18-19

Ravished is a biblical word for having great sex

Because sex is such a strong drive in man, God allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to have legal sex with when the primary wife turned them down for sex.

This of course changed with the Proverbs 31 woman where the wife was tasked with now taking care of all the husband’s sexual needs instead of having multiple wives and concubines where it says that he will have no need of spoil. Spoil is an arcane term where the conquering armies got to take the stuff from dead soldiers houses including the pretty young widows. It says that the husband will praise her and the scholars in The Thompson’s Chain Reference Bible rightly translate this into his appreciation for her sexual submission and conjugal love as a footnote in the margin.

In I Cor 7:3-5 we are told that the husband does not have the right to refuse his wife sex nor does the wife have the right to refuse her husband sex. Pretty sex positive don’t you think?

So considering all of these scriptures you must realize that to define masturbation as a sin, you must posit that God made a mistake that we have to correct because God forgot to mention masturbation as the sin that we all KNOW THAT IT IS.

Well according to the bible we are not supposed to add to the word or take away from it.

You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that You may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you. Deut 4:2

Whatever I command you, you shall be careful to observe it: You shall not add to it or take away from it. Deut 12:32

Every word of God is pure: He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and you be found a liar. Proverbs 30:6

I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be addedTo it and nothing can be taken from it. God does it that men should fear Him. That which is already been and what is to be has already been: And God requires an account of what is past. Eccl 3:14-15

For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add unto him the plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life from the Holy City and from the things which are written in this book. Rev 22:18

We as Christians are supposed to only teach biblical truths and not make up our rules and man- made doctrines like Catholics do. We are believers in the book but sadly we are seeing legalism creep into our churches to our people’s detriment. This is specifically forbidden by Jesus in the following scripture:

And in vain do they worship Me, teaching for doctrines the commandments Of men. For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men, the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do. He said to them, All to well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition Mark 7:7-9

We also had a problem with Asceticism cropping up in the NT which is also forbidden in the following scripture:

Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living the world do you subject yourselves to regulation Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle, which all concern things which perish with the using-according to the commandments and doctrines of men. These things indeed have the appearance of wisdom in self-imposed Religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are no value against the indulgence of the flesh. Col 2:20-23

The proof texted verse is the only one that people who argue for masturbation is a sin is found in Math 5:28

But I say unto you whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her already in his heart.

This is an impossible standard that Jesus set for us but a goal to strive to reach in our our lives. The idea was to avoid sexual sin. The answer is to masturbate to relieve the sexual tension that would cause us to lust after a woman. I can remember that in my twenties I decided to see just how long I could go without sexual relief in masturbation. I lasted for two weeks. During this time I had constant erections and lusted constantly after women. Normally I masturbated every day to contain my lustful thoughts and embarrassing erections.

Paul talked about keeping his body under subjection and we can infer that he was referring to masturbation to do so because of the previously stated sexual arousal when you don’t have sexual relief.

Finally here is the slam dunk verse that proves that masturbation is not a sin:

And if a man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the evening. And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the evening. The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both wash themselves in water, and be unclean until the evening. Leviticus 15:16-18

Now the bible does not say how the man’s sperm is discharged whether a nocturnal emission or masturbation, it simply says that if his seed is discharged then he needs to take a bath. Masturbation feels good and gives us sexual relief when we are not married. Even little girls routinely masturbate if left to their own devices unless a scolding parent tells them that it is bad, dirty and wrong. We have no business laying this legalism on our kids or ourselves..


Sex Is Better Than Drugs Or Booze, You Need To Have It More

February 3, 2012

Sex Is Good For You, Why Are You Not Having More?

Sex is Good For You
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Sex is one of those things that can make your life soar, or cause you untold grief and heartache. You have a choice in the matter so why not work to make it fantastic? Sex is one of the big three that couples fight about. Why not stop fighting and just start having sex? Couples fight because someone is not getting their needs taken care of.

When you have an orgasm, your body releases endorphins to the brain. Those endorphins have the ability to lessen pain. Endorphins create an elevated mood. Endorphins help prevent clinical depression. It can also help prevent post-partum depression. Frequent orgasms promotes positive bonding between men and women. Think back early in your relationship when you were having sex frequently. Remember how tightly bonded the two of you were?

Frequent sex helps control weight and is equivalent to a workout in a gym, burning an average of over 200 calories. You say you don’t have time to go to the gym, well you can always make time to have sex with your partner at home and it saves gas going to and from the gym. Frequent sex like frequent exercise actually helps to lessen your appetite for food. So often people substitute food for sex. You are better off substituting sex for food.

Frequent sex helps the body’s immune system to fight off disease. Frequent sex creates strong bonds between a man and a woman and helps to prevent divorce and makes cheating much less likely. Sex helps prevent prostate cancer. Frequent sex has been documented to help prevent heart disease and heart attacks. Sex after a heart attack is not only recommended by cardiologists but helps to strengthen the heart. Frequent sex is commanded and commended in the Bible. Frequent sex helps women avoid osteoporosis. People go to the gym to do workouts. One of the suggested exercises is deep knee squats. If women will have their man lay on the floor, she can do deep knee squats over him as she is having sex with him. This tightens the butt, calves, thighs and tummy

Imagine doing a workout and having sex at the same time. You get a two for one benefit. Having sex with a man and having your legs lifted in the air or draped over his shoulders keeps you flexible

Doing pelvic thrusts is good for the tummy and lower back muscles. Having a man fondle and play with a woman’s boobs could help discover any knots or growths in her breasts and could save your life.

Doing Kegel exercises during sex can prevent incontinence later in life.

Doing Kegel exercises during sex can serve to make you more highly orgasmic and definitely improves the quality of sex for both the man and the woman. Frequent satisfying sex improves work productivity.

Frequent climaxes have served women to help shrink their uterus and abdomen more quickly after childbirth.

Frequent sex helps to promote restful and recuperative sleep.

Sex can comfort a person when they are sad and depressed. Sex is a wonderful way to celebrate a positive life event. It truly is a wonderful cure-all if couples will just stop refusing sex and let go and take care of their mate. There is also nothing more lonely, hurtful and depressing to have to masturbate because your partner refuses you. When you have a choice to do good or be self-centered, choose to do good. You will feel better about yourself. Finally in the chapter on Sex and The Bible, frequent and great sex is commanded and commended by God.


Women Here Is Some Great Sex Advice From the Bible

January 29, 2012

Let her breasts satisfy thee at ALL times and be thou always RAVISHED in her love. Proverbs 5:19

You will never see this biblical passage preached on in a sermon or taught on in a sunday school and that is too bad. Churches are all about telling girls and women that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. There are many more sex positive messages like these in the bible.

So let me give you a little biblical interpretation from this particular passage. Men love your breasts. Some times we need comfort in them when the world has beat us up. I call this titty nuzzling where I just want to bury my face in my woman’s breasts and seek comfort there and for her to make it all better.

This is sort of the reverse where the woman has had a very bad day and she seeks comfort in a man’s strong arms holding her and making it better for her. Men are strong but sometimes they feel weak and need encouragement and comfort from your breasts. You would do well to wrap your arms around his head and tell him to enjoy your breasts as long as he needs to and that it is okay with you and you want him to seek comfort from your breasts.

Men also love it when you rub your breasts against him in public, like standing close to him and holding his arm and pressing your breasts against the back of it to reassure him that you are his woman and proud to be so. We also love it when you rub your breasts against our naked bodies in bed.

I love it when a woman will give me a nipple massage, rubbing just her nipples up and down my body but especially against my penis. I love it when a woman is riding me on top and she leans forward and every stroke, caresses her breasts against my chest. See you never knew that your breasts were so multi faceted and useful to please your man.

The accented word is at ALL times. Not just when you feel like it. A man does not feel loved or respected when you reject his sexual overtures. He resents it especially if you force him to masturbate alone.

Ravished is a great biblical word meaning GREAT SEX. Don’t just lay there with your legs spread while he pounds away at you. Be active, be involved, let him know that you enjoy him trying to pleasure you. Give him sex willingly and lovingly. It is the greatest relationship insurance that you can have. Your man won’t be tempted to cheat on you if you willingly take care of his sexual needs. And finally don’t always make him approach you for sex. Take the initiative once in a while. Men Love that. And be willing to wear lingerie that pleases him. Men love seeing you in lacy frilly lingerie with some color and lace trim. The relationship that you save could well be your own.

Blessings on you and yours John Wilder


Yea 60,000 Page Views Thanks To My Readers

January 4, 2012

I am deeply gratified to go over 60,000 page views today. By the time that you read this
it will be. I only need 36 more page views as of this minute to go over 60,000. I have been
averaging over 200 page views per day for the last few months.

I have been contacted by many people. Some young women who still don’t know how to masturbate
and want to know and have come to me for instruction. Some couples who are having trouble with
their sex lives and I helped them. Some people who are having trouble with their marriages
and fighting and I helped them.

Some women who are having trouble with their men and I helped them.

I have also had a few women attack me for the frank nature of my sexual blogs.
They are victims of over zealous parents and pastors who have beat into their
heads that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. They
never bothered to teach them all the sex positive messages in the Bible.

If you are interested in Sex Positive messages from the Bible check out my blog
post entitled Sex and The Bible, Amazing Sex Positive Messages.

I also appreciate people who want to guest post on here and am always
open to new guest posters. The most amazing is a young woman who has
written my all time favorite and most widely read blog post entitled
Giving Him The Ultimate Blow Job, Letting Him Come In Your Mouth and
Swallowing. It has literally been responsible for thousands of
page views and is almost always the number one read blog post for the day.

I also appreciate those of you who have referred my blog to their friends
and relatives. Also please no that I offer help and offer an amazing
money back guarantee that you won’t get from any other counselor.

So Happy New Year, it holds great promise for my blog and if there
is a subject that you would like for me to cover in my blog
drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Sex And The Bible, Surprising Sex Positive Messages Contained There

December 17, 2011

Sex And The Bible, Surprising Sex Positive Messages Contained There

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I originally posted this blog back of February last year. I was just starting out and did not have very many readers. Now a lot of people read my blog every day and I commend it to you for the sex positive messages contained in it.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

Most people would be surprised at the amount of biblical commands in the Bible about sex. They would be even more surprised at the number of positive commands regarding our sex lives. God wants us to have a rich full sexual relationship.Unfortunately, most people have the notion that you are not supposed to talk about sex in church. As a former minister of youth, I was castigated by some parents for teaching a high school class on the subject of what the bible defines as sexual sin. I was told: “you are not supposed to talk about sex in church.” I was singularly amazed because the Bible is what sets the standards for our life. It gives us rules for living. It also defines what is and is not sexual sin. These parents were actually mad at me for teaching the Bible in Sunday School to high school students whose hormones were all raging. It was interesting because the pastor’s 16 year old daughter was in on the class with her parent’s knowledge and blessing. I had thought about telling the parents in advance what I was going to teach, but thought better of it for fear that they would yank their kids out of the class that week. I knew enough to be prepared for the attack.

Jesus said in the Bible to: be wise as a serpent and yet harmless as a dove. Mathew 10:16. Following that mandate, I took the precaution of audio taping the class. I did not want there to be unfounded accusations that could not be defended against. Sure enough parents came in “guns blazing” and accusatory. I simply told them before they started castigating me they should take the tape home and listen to it and see what they found that was wrong or inappropriate. Of the three sets of parents who complained, not one of them would take the tape home and listen to it.
These feelings come about from long standing admonitions to little girls who grew up with the words of their parents in their ears, that: “good girls don’t do that”. That is a huge problem among couples today. When girls grow up to be women and it is time to embrace their sexuality, they can’t relax and be uninhibited with their husbands and enjoy their sexuality.

In a previous chapter, I referred to a course taught by a woman named Marabelle Morgan about how to love your husband including sexuality. We had her seminar coming to our church in 1975. Women were to read the book before the seminar took place.
We had some women object to the seminar conference because it contained sexual references as to how a woman is supposed to take care of her husband. This feeling prevails even today in churches. My question is: Do you think that God made a mistake? How about those references in the Bible about sex? Should we tear those out of the Bible? Pastors and Sunday school teachers don’t dare teach or preach on the subject. What happens is invariably you have women going on the attack and using shaming statements if men mention sex, especially in light of the fact that women are not fulfilling their role

Couples fight about the big three: money, sex and kids. The bible is very clear on sexual issues between husband and wife. Because fighting is common over sex, there is a scripturally mandated ministry in Titus 2:4-5 That they (the older women of the church) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, (how to love including answering sexual questions), to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV

In essence, the Titus 2 ministry amounts to a school for sex for women in how to love their husbands. It was so imperative that it was explained in the scripture that it was to avoid causing blaspheming the Word of God.
Blasphemed translated from the Greek is blasphemeo. To: insult, slander, curse, speak evil of, reviled, defame, or railed upon.

As mentioned in the chapter on feminists, research shows that fully 60% of women only want sex once a week. Sadly they inflict that schedule on their husbands. This was also common in the biblical times. Now I know that there are exceptions and sometimes it is the wife with a high libido and a husband who does not want it as much. Our purpose is to cover the majority of the people out there. We will consider what the bible says as we are commanded to do in living our lives.

It says in Proverbs5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee At All Times; and be thou Ravished Always with her love.
Most women feel that they have a perfect right to reject her husband’s sexual overtures any time she feels like it. This is what is taught by the feminists. On the other hand, when is the last time that you ever saw a feminist point anyone to Jesus? Is there any thing in the above passage that you could interpret to get that permission? “ Let her breasts satisfy thee At all times” means when the husband needs it. At all times means just that. It is really not open to interpretation. When the wife disobeys these biblical commands, it sets up a temptation for the husband and it ultimately means that the Word (instruction in the bible) is blasphemed.

The Bible often uses figurative and poetic speech to describe something. “Let thy fountain be blessed” is referring to the man’s penis. It is a wish and an admonition that he be gifted with children and that his wife takes care of him well.

“ Rejoice with the wife of your youth” is an interesting passage. God understood the sexual urge that he put into mankind. He set it out that under Jewish law, a boy was considered a “man” when he hit age 13, or roughly at the onset of puberty. Once puberty hits, he is full of raging hormones and needs sexual relief often sometimes more than once a day. To avoid sexual sin, adolescents were routinely married between the ages of 13 and 15 thus giving them a legal and moral sexual outlet for their relief. The young couple would then stay with one of the sets of parents until they were able to financially make it on their own.We have trampled on God’s plan and tell our children to wait until their twenties to get married. Is it any wonder that we have so much extra marital sex, unwanted pregnancies, and epidemic sexually transmitted diseases.

“ Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe.” Again the bible uses figurative language here to compare a woman to a hind and a roe. The animals referred to here are deer and roebucks. In the animal world, mating is often marked with violence. You have heard cats squalling and hissing. The female goes through a lot of aggression and scratching before she submits to mating. Deer are just the opposite. They willingly mate with their bucks. They are probably the most beautiful and graceful animals in the animal kingdom. This is a supreme compliment to a woman to compare her mating with her husband like a female deer mating with her buck. The Bible goes on to reiterate this in comparing her to the roe or roebuck which is a type of mountain sheep, where mating takes place high on mountain cliffs. If the female roebuck does not mate willingly and cooperatively with the buck, then they could easily fall to their deaths from the high mountain cliffs where mating takes place, protected from predators.

Ravished always is a biblical word for not only giving your husband sex, but giving him GREAT SEX. Not just great sex, but again the always is reiterated. Always means always not just when you feel like it. The bible forbids us to be a “stumbling block” in Romans 14:13, Mathew 18:7. A stumbling block is causing someone by your actions or inactions that would cause that person to be tempted to sin. By denying your husband sex, you are a stumbling block to him.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevelolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife doth not have power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, so that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence. I Corinthians 7:3-5

If you read this, there is no way that you can interpret that the wife has a right to say no to her husband. Nevertheless, so many of you do with impunity in defiance of God’s word. The Bible is always equalitarian. Notice too that the husband does not have the right to refuse his wife sexual relations. The only time that sex is supposed to be put on hold is with Mutual Consent by the husband and wife for a brief time of prayer and fasting.

So many women try to relate to their husband’s sexuality through their own. Men’s sexuality is driven by semen build-up. Remember the time when you were pregnant. It is a fact of life that a pregnant woman has to urinate more often because the baby is pressing on your bladder. You can’t help it. Now let us play role reversal here for a minute. Think about your husband feeling the same way as you do, because that is what a man’s sexual drive feels like. He does not have a choice when he needs relief. Let us role play here further. Imagine that you are in a car with him on a long trip and you are pregnant. You say: “honey, can you pull over because I have to go to the bathroom.” Now let us pretend that your husband answers you like so many women answer their husband’s requests for sex: “ What you have to pee again, is that all you can ever think about? Do you have a one track mind? What are you some kind of peeing pervert? I am tired; I don’t feel like pulling over. Leave me alone and quit bugging me. Listen, maybe tomorrow I will pull over and let you pee”. You women would declare war on us if we talked to you that way when you had to pee.

For the most part women want sex once a week. For the most part men want sex 3-5 times a week. Let us compromise and say you give it to him 4 times a week. I can just hear the screams and howls from you women now. ” No Way Am, I Doing It That Often”. The average act takes about 30 minutes start to finish. If you actually gave your husband sex 4 times a week, that would come to two hours. Now out of 168 hours in the week, that represents only slightly more than 1% of your time. I say that if you can’t give your husband 1% of your time to nurture him and love him, your priorities are all wrong. God wants 10% and you can’t give your husband a lousy 1%? This is why most men are not very romantic, they figure, why bother? Most women don’t understand that it is the woman that inspires men to romance by how they treat him. From the time that you were a little girl, you dreamed about Happily Ever After. The problem with that dream is that has always been self-centered. You imagine the prince gazing upon you with rapt attention, but you never understand that the prince has needs that you need to satisfy. I have never heard if a woman thinking about what her responsibilities to fulfilling his happily ever after wants and desires. Because you don’t satisfy them, he stops being romantic.

God in the Old Testament allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to be able to satisfy their generally higher sex drives. God allowed this so that men would not commit adultery. If the first wife turned him down for sex, he had back-up wives and/or concubines to take care of him sexually. In the Old Testament there are 121 references to multiple wives. There are also 39 references to men having concubines to satisfy their sexual desires which God allowed. God even specified laws to protect the wives and the concubines. Then in God’s progressive revelation, He changed it to where there was one man and one woman and it transitioned in Proverbs 31. The heart of the husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 11-12. Now many bible translators of newer modern language bibles incorrectly translate the Hebrew word for spoil here as meaning earthly gain. This is incorrect. The old fashioned term spoil comes from the spoils of war. This is where the invading army got to go in and take things from the homes of the killed opposing soldiers. Now it is true that spoil would be acquisition of goods from the houses, but it was also women that God allowed. In the Proverbs 31 passage, it is referring to concubines.

Spoil is both a noun and a verb. Sadad is a verb and the Hebrew word in the Old Testament meaning to: loot, plunder, or take spoils. Once the soldiers took all that they wanted, then they generally destroyed the houses and stuff that they did not want. This is one of the ways that Armies rewarded soldiers to literally risk death and put their lives on the line. The promise was that if they were victorious, they could go in and take rewards from the homes of the dead soldiers. You may have heard the term rape and pillage. This is what happened when the victorious soldiers came into the conquered cities. They would go through the houses and claim the women that they wanted by raping them and taking them captive. Once that was done then they ransacked the houses, taking any goods of value for their own. This act was called pillaging or spoiling.

Sod is a noun in Hebrew. It means what is left after the violence, rape and destruction. It means: desolation, destruction, spoiled, oppression and wasting. There are actually 11 different words in Hebrew for spoil.
One of the main things that they took were the women who were then destined to become secondary wives called concubines with a status only slightly above a slave. When the primary wife refused her husband’s sexual overtures, then it fell to the concubine to satisfy the man’s needs. Interestingly enough, the word for concubine in Hebrew is literally pilages. So in other words, the word pilages was literally transliterated out of the Hebrew and put into the English language equivalent word pillage.
And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goodsBut all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:9,18

But the women and the little ones, and the cattle, and the spoil thereof, shall you take unto yourself, and you shall eat the spoil of your enemies which the Lord your God has given to you. Deuteronomy 20:14

When you go forth to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God has delivered them into your hand and you have taken them captive, And you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you have a desire for her, that you would have her to be your wife; Then you shall bring her home to your house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in your house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month; and after that you shall go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. Deuteronomy 21:10-13

Have they not divided the prey, to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

Well Proverbs 31 is a transition to a having only one wife and no concubines. Here means that he shall have only one. This wife is now obligated to satisfy all of his sexual needs. She honors his trust in her by taking care of him sexually. It reiterates that she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life. This was a huge transition time. Because the father was expected to take a more active role in rearing his children, he could not do that with multiple children with multiple wives. Transitioning to only one wife then allowed him fewer children to take care of. It also strengthened the family unit. With that in mind, how can you say that denying your husband sexual relations is doing him good?

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23

When a wife gives her husband sex willingly and lovingly and does not deny him, he becomes centered and balanced. He has a feeling of contentedness. This enables him to focus on his business or job and be quite productive which allows him to excel. This excellence gets him promotions, more money and respect of his peers and superiors.

It is further evidenced in the conclusion of Proverbs 31:28 where it states: Her children arise up, and call her blessed: her husband also, and he praises her. Men complain among themselves when their wives don’t take care of their sexual needs. On the other hand, if she does, he literally sings hers praises and tells people how lucky he is to have her. It is this feeling that causes him to do romantic things for her. Women, like it or not, if you want romance, you have to take care of your husband’s needs in such a way that he literally feels inspired to romance you. If you are not taking care of him, believe me, he has no desire or inspiration to romance you, only to resent you for starving him sexually.

This point is illustrated by the following Biblical passage: He (she) who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly. II Corinthians 9:6 He wants sex, you want romance. Starve him for sex; you will be starved for romance.

Finally, as parents and our parents have done, we have put so much emphasis on “thou shalt not” to daughters, many can’t relax and enjoy their sexuality as the gift that God made it and intended for it. As a coach, this is a common thing that I work with women on. Freeing them from inhibitions to enjoy their sexuality. The bible addresses this issue in part in Hebrews 13:4 where it says:

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled;

This means that there is nothing that you and your husband can do in bed that is wrong. This also freed the couple from the Old Testament laws of cleanness. For example in the Old Testament couples were forbidden to have sex during a woman’s period. She could not even go into the temple during her period. Also, if the couple had sex the night before temple, they were required to go through ceremonial washing 7 times before they were allowed to go into the temple. They were also required to wash the bed linens as well before going into the temple. So Hebrews 13:4 negated all of those Old Testament laws of cleanness.

You need to relax, enjoy your sexuality and understand that biblically you don’t have the right to say no. If you give it willingly and lovingly I promise that you will see your husband be much more attentive and actually develop some romantic tendencies. Whether or not the relationship succeeds or fails is largely up to you the wife. I will leave you with one last biblical warning:

“ Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1

The house being referred to here is her husband as in the house of David. We are not talking about actual construction issues. The Bible here is referring to building up your man with praise and respect. It also builds his self esteem when you give him sex willingly and lovingly

Let me give you some surprising biblical passages from the Song of Solomon:

A bundle of myrrh is my beloved unto me: he shall lie all night between my breasts. 1:13

I have a slang term for this that I call titty nuzzling. Sometimes when men are hurting and needing comfort, they want to get their face between your breasts, nuzzle, suckle and have you wrap your arms around his head and stroke him and comfort him.

I found him whom my soul loves: I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house. 3:4

You can just imagine this woman wrapping her arm around his arm tightly and pressing her breast against the back of his arm and walking with him.
Your two breasts are like two young does that are twins that feed among the lilies. 4:5 Here her man is admiring her breasts that she has already given to him willingly and lovingly and he is inspired to romance.

Your lips, Oh my spouse, drop as honeycomb; honey and milk are under your tongue;

Here again the man is inspired to romance as he is describing how wonderful it is to kiss her what it feels like to get oral sex from her willingly and lovingly given.

This your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree I will take hold of the boughs thereof; now also your breasts shall be as clusters of the vine7:7-8

Again the man is waxing poetic over the physical love and sex he enjoys from his wife. Clearly this woman is not saying no to sex with he husband. He describes how much he enjoys fondling her breasts.

I am my beloved’s and his desire is unto me. 7:10

The woman is glorying in the fact that her husband is faithful and loving to her because of how well she takes care of his sexual needs and feels good about herself, her husband and her marriage and how romantic he is to her. She feels loved cherished and secure, all because of the fact that she willingly and lovingly takes care of his sexual desires.

Try it God’s way for 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference in your marriage and ultimate happiness. Happily Ever After is possible if you follow God’s plan for marriage.

Finally let me once again reiterate to you women, if you want romance, you need to provide inspiration to your man by giving him sex willingly and lovingly when he needs it. You do not ever put him down for his sexuality. Women inspire men to romance and they are also the one’s who kill romance by their own actions. I ask you directly, what are you doing to romance your husband? Answer the question to yourself honestly. If you need to make improvements, make them and reap the benefits. Romance can’t be all one-sided.

For those of you who are Christians and attend church, go to your pastor and ask him why he has not taught or preached on these issues. He is responsible for teaching the whole Bible, not just selectively ignoring issues. Church is the most appropriate place to learn about sex. All you ever hear in church is negatives about sex. This is wrong. We need to be teaching people what a wonderful gift from God that sex is and can be.


10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband (Even when you don’t feel like it)

August 22, 2010

This is a great guest post by a woman who gets it. It always works better when you follow God’s plan for marriage. I am on a goal to expose rampant misandry (reverse sexism by women against men) in our society. I have been called all manner of vile names by women in pursuit of this goal and mission. I suggest that women take care of their husbands needs. First respect is the number one need men have even more than sex. Too many women feel that taking care of a husband’s needs are at the bottom of her priority list and have no compunction about forcing him to do without against his will. I would be the first to agree that no woman should be forced to have sex against her will but women feel that it is perfectly permissable to force the husband to do without sex against his will.

This post was found by punching into my search engine “reasons not to put children’s needs ahead of husbands” I commend it to your understanding of marriage.

I invite comments by both men and women,
Written by Cyndie Hamley

With downcast eyes, Kathryn confided, “I have a hard time respecting my husband. I want to be obedient to God’s command, but I don’t want to be dishonest to my feelings.”

God doesn’t command a wife to feel respectful toward her husband. She is to be respectful. Her responsibility is to obey God; not her feelings.

A wise woman once told me, “If you want a truly fine husband, respect him at the level at which you want him to reach. A man will usually not rise above the level at which his wife respects him.” This is a general principle, not a hard and fast rule because God does not put accountability or responsibility for a man’s character on his wife. Nevertheless, strong evidence indicates a woman holds great power to make or break a man. In his book His Needs, Her Needs,

Life Lesson: Rekindle the romance
Brides Series: 8 Lessons

Willard Harley amends the saying “Behind every great man is a great woman” to “Behind every great man is an admiring wife.”

Something in a man needs the respect of his wife. He thrives and grows toward godliness when his need is fulfilled. This explains why God emphatically says, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 NASB).

10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband

1.Pray for him daily and trust God to answer your requests.
◦Pray for his well-being, wisdom, protection, blessings, guidance, knowledge, spiritual maturity, success, purity, strength in temptation, etc.
◦Look for God’s answers to your prayers.
◦Thank God for working in your family.
◦Thank God for your husband.
◦Pray for your attitude.

2.Remember that God has put your husband in a position of leadership, and He will lead you through your husband.

3.Make a list of your husband’s qualities that you appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.

4.Tell your husband what you appreciate about him. Tell others what you appreciate about him.

5.Don’t criticize your husband to others – especially your children.

6.Look for the positive side of things that you may find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends time telling you about his bad day, remember that at least he is talking to you, spending time with you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you into his confidence, and giving you the chance to be an encourager and helper.

7.Respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm.

8.If you are concerned about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:
◦“I’m confused about _________. Can you explain it to me?”
◦“Can we talk about _____? I feel uncomfortable about ______.”
◦Don’t ask: “WHY in the world would you do it that way?” or ask “Why?” in any way that implies you think he is foolish.

9.Respect his likes and dislikes. If he likes a particular food, make a point of serving that regularly. If he hates the color purple, don’t wear purple in his presence. If he likes you to wear perfume, do it.

10.If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about your husband, stop and choose to think of something else – especially things from your positive quality list.
Remember, God is working on you and your husband. You can both learn from your failures as well as your successes. Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure. In the same way, give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.


Sex and The Bible

April 15, 2010

 

     Unfortunately, most people have the notion that you are not supposed to talk about sex in church.  As a former minister of youth, I was castigated by some parents for teaching a high school class on the subject of what the bible defines as sexual sin.  I was told:  “you are not supposed to talk about sex in church.”  At a seminar called Total Woman at our church, we had some women object because it contained sexual references and how a woman is supposed to take care of her husband.  This feeling prevails even today in churches.  My question is:  Do you think that God made a mistake?  How about those references in the Bible about sex?  Should we tear those out of the Bible?  Pastors and Sunday school teachers don’t dare teach or preach on the subject.

     Today, we have a 50% divorce rate in the general population and 33% even among Christians.  What is really sad is the research that shows definitively the life-long damage done to children as the result of divorce.  Couples fight about the big three:  money, sex and kids.    The bible is very clear on sexual issues between husband and wife.  Because fighting is common over sex, there is a scripturally mandated ministry in Titus 2:4-5  That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed.  KJV

      Research shows that fully 60% of women only want sex once a week.  Sadly they inflict that schedule on their husbands.  Now I know that there are exceptions and sometimes it is the wife with a high libido and a husband who does not want it as much.  Our purpose is to cover the majority of the people out there.   We will consider what the bible says as we are commanded to do in living our lives.

     It says in Proverbs:  Let thy fountain be blessed:  and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe;  let her breasts satisfy thee AT ALL TIMES; and be thou ravished ALWAYS with her love.  Most women feel that they have a perfect right to reject her husband’s sexual overtures any time she feels like it.  This is what is taught by the feminists.  On the other hand, when is the last time that you ever saw a feminist point anyone to Jesus?  Is there any thing in the above passage that you could interpret to get that permission?  Ravished is a biblical word for not only giving your husband sex, but giving him GREAT SEX.  When you give him sex willing and lovingly, it is called appropriately MAKING LOVE  because of the feelings that it engenders on his part.  God made it a powerful bonding agent between a man and a woman.  When you refuse your husband’s sexual overtures, the converse is, you are MAKING RESENTMENT.  Every time he is forced to masturbate to relieve his sexual tensions, you create resentment.  Many times he will resort to pornography for arousal.  The bible forbids us to be a “stumbling block” in Romans 14:13, Mathew 18:7.

     Let the husband render unto the wife due benevelolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  The wife doth not have power of her own body, but the husband:  and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, so that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.  I Corinthians 7:3-5

     If you read this, there is no way that you can interpret that the wife has a right to say no to her husband.  Nevertheless, so many of you do with impunity in defiance of God’s word.

     So many women try to relate to their husband’s sexuality through their own.  Men’s sexuality is driven by semen build-up.  Remember the time when you were pregnant.  It is a fact of life that a pregnant woman has to urinate more often because the baby is pressing on your bladder.  You can’t help it.  Now let us play role reversal here for a minute.  Think about your husband feeling the same way as you do, because that is what a man’s sexual drive feels like.  He does not have a choice when he needs relief.  Let us role play here further.  Imagine that you are in a car with him on a long trip and you are pregnant.  You say; “honey, can you pull over because I have to go to the bathroom.”  Now let us pretend that your husband answers you like so many women answer their husband’s requests for sex:  What you want to go to the bathroom again, is that all you can ever think about?  Do you have a one track mind?  What are you some kind of urination addict? I am tired, I don’t feel like pulling over.  Leave me alone and quit bugging me.  Listen, maybe tomorrow I will pull over and let you go the bathroom.  If men talked that way to their wives there would be such a huge outcry across the land.

     For the most part women want sex once a week.  For the most part men want sex 3-5 times a week.  Let us compromise and say you give it to him 4 times a week.  I can just hear the screams and howls from you women now.  “NO WAY AM I DOING IT THAT OFTEN”.  The average act takes about 30 minutes start to finish.  If you actually gave your husband 4 times a week, that would come to two hours.  Now out of 168 hours in the week, that represents only slightly more than one percent of your time.  I say that if you can’t give your husband 1% of your time to nurture him and love him, your priorities are all wrong.  God wants 10% and you can’t give your husband a lousy 1%?  This is why most men are not very romantic, they figure, why bother?  Most women don’t understand that it is the woman that inspires men to romance by how they treat him.  From the time that you were a little girl, you dreamed about Happily Ever After.  The problem with that dream is that has always been self-centered.  You imagine the prince gazing upon you with rapt attention, but you never understand that the prince has needs that you need to satisfy.  Because you don’t satisfy them, he stops being romantic.

     God in the Old Testament allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to be able to satisfy their generally higher sex drives.  God allowed this so that men would not commit adultery.  Then in God’s progressive revelation, He changed it to where there was one man and one woman and it transitioned in Proverbs 31.  The heart of the husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:  11-12.  Now many bible translators incorrectly translate the Hebrew word for spoil here as meaning earthly gain.  This is incorrect.  The old fashioned term spoil comes from the spoils of war..  This is where the invading army got to go in and take things from the homes of the killed opposing soldiers.  One of the main things that they took were the women who were then destined to become secondary wives called concubines with a status only slightly above a slave.  When the primary wife refused her husband’s sexual overtures, then it fell to the concubine to satisfy the man’s needs.  Well Proverbs 31 here means that he shall have only one wife, but she is now obligated to satisfy all of his sexual needs.  She honors his trust in her by taking care of him sexually.  It reiterates that she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  How is denying your husband doing him good?

     Finally, as parents and our parents have done, we have put so much emphasis on thou shalt not to daughters, many can’t relax and enjoy their sexuality as the gift that God made it and intended for it.  As a coach, this is a common thing that I work with women on.  Freeing them from inhibitions to enjoying their sexuality.  The bible addresses this issue in part in Hebrews 13:4 where it says:  Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled;  This means that there is nothing that you and your husband can do in bed that is wrong.  You need to relax, enjoy your sexuality and understand that biblically you don’t have the right to say no.  If you do, I promise that you will see your husband be much more attentive and actually develop some romantic tendencies.  Whether or not the relationship succeeds or fails is largely up to you the wife.  I will leave you with one last biblical warning:  “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1  The house being referred to here is her husband as in the house of David.  We are not talking about actual construction issues.

     Try it God’s way for 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference in your marriage and ultimate happiness.  Happily Ever After is possible if you follow God’s plan for marriage.


You Can Find Your Own Answers In The Bible With These Study Reference Books

March 19, 2010

Many people struggle to understand the Bible and how to search out answers to their questions. I am here to tell you that it is easier than you think if you have the right keys to the book. To unlock a lock, you need a key or in this case a set of keys. I am going to show you how to unlock the Bible for yourself.

The first key is a book called Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. This is a great book. It contains every word printed in the Bible. Better yet, it contains every place in the Bible where it is printed. It gives you part of the verse where the verse is found. In this way, you remember a part of a verse and can’t remember where it was, you can find it in this book. Here is where it gets even better. Every word has a number in the margin. This number is the number where the word is found in the dictionaries in the back both Greek and Hebrew. You can understand the Bible better when you go to the dictionary and look up the original language and all of the shadings of the word.

There is another great book called Naves Topical Bible. It is not actually a bible per se but it contains numerous bible verses about particular topics. For example, you could look up the subject of prayer and you could find numerous verses pertaining to prayer there. It makes Bible study much easier.

Then there are commentaries. Commentaries are books that explain difficult passages. The one that I recommend is a 6 volume set called Mathew Henry Commentaries. It is a thorough commentary on the whole Bible. There are more commentaries that are good and you can certainly make the case for having more than one commentary.

Finally, a good bible dictionary is worthwhile. There are many dictionaries out there. Let the store clerk in the religious book store explain their personal favorites.

If you will invest in these basic bible research tools, you can find answers for yourself and the Bible will be opened up to you. You no longer need to feel lost. The more comfortable that you get with the tools, the better you will be at researching issues in the bible. Let me close with a biblical admonition for your consideration.

Study (the bible) to show yourself a workman that need not to be ashamed rightly dividing the word of truth. II Timothy 2:15


Sexual Advice For Single Men

February 27, 2010

     Many of you have the attitude that I had in my twenties.  I had this juvenile attitude that the more women I got to have sex with me made me a better man or defined me as a stud.  I even decided to start a panty collection of all of the women that I had sex with so that I had visual proof of my conquests.  Society reinforces that attitude with a knowing nod to the notion that “boys will be boys”.  That somehow boys need to “sow wild oats”.  Hugh Hefner became an iconic figure in our society with that same philosophy.  Considering the very definition of a “playboy” (insert definition here) conjures up the notion that he is immature, self centered and irresponsible.

     In science, there is a rule that states:  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  What I failed to realize at first was that my attitude made me very self-centered and narcissistic.  I had no care or concern about the women with whom I had sex.  I did not care about their feelings about being used and tossed aside like a dirty piece of laundry.  At least with my dirty laundry, I picked it up, washed it and continued to wear the clothes.  With the women, they were tossed aside while I was looking for the next conquest.

     What happens is that for every woman that you use, you and she become more jaded and callous.  No one trusts anyone anymore.  Because of this, it becomes harder and harder to commit to a person.  People are constantly afraid of being discarded.  For a relationship to truly work, you need people to be committed 100% not a 50-50 relationship.  A 50-50 relationship indicates that both people are only half-heartedly committed and ready to bail at any time.  You need security in a relationship as does the woman.  Sex between a man and a woman creates a bond.  When you so casually toss aside that bond, it indicates that you are not trustworthy and that you are just willing to selfishly use someone for your own gratification and care nothing for her feelings.

     Now I know that there are a certain number of you reading my book to learn new techniques to pleasure a woman better and give her more orgasms.  That is a good thing.  The bad thing is that some of you are only reading it to learn new techniques so as to be more effective at being promiscuous.  No one really respects someone who is promiscuous.

     I wrote this book to help people be better at their relationships and strengthen their relationships.  The real definition of being a man is someone who can be counted on for the long haul.  A man who leads his life as an example of integrity and absolute honesty.  That old fashioned notion of your word is your bond.

     The very definition of love is putting the other person’s needs first.  You need to be bringing a woman to a few orgasms before you climb on and get yours and leave her unfulfilled and frustrated.  If you get off and don’t get her off, you are just using her and that is not love or making love.

    That attitude was the founding principle for the Christian organization called Promise Keepers.  It is also the guiding principle for a national ministry called: The National Center for Fathering, founded by Dr. Ken Canfield.  Dr. Canfield says that not only is it important to honor your promises and commitments to your wife, but it is even more important to honor them to your children.

     None of that is possible or likely if you are being self-centered and narcissistic.  You need to put your woman and children first and be committed to them.  I wrote this so that you could use the information to better please your woman in bed so that she would be more willing to give you the sex that you want when you want it.  The purpose is to strengthen the relationship.  Great sex tends to really bond and strengthen the relationship.  If you just use it for sex without the corresponding commitment, then it becomes a self-centered waste.

     The Bible has some instructions for all of us men in the following scriptural references:

    Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it;…so men out men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loves his wife loves himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh;  but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church;…For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh…Nevertheless, let every  one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; Ephesians 5: 25,28,29,31,33<

     Likewise you husbands, dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers might not be hindered.  I Peter 3:7

     Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking who he may destroy.  I Peter 5:8

     I will give you similar advice that I gave to the single women in the preceding chapter.  People have become far too promiscuous.  Not only is it immoral, but it is dangerous.  We have epidemic venereal diseases in the world.  You don’t want to be playing “Russian Roulette” with your life and health.  Before you engage in sex with a woman, you should have her produce a very recent negative Aids and venereal disease test.  You should also be questioning her about her hopes and dreams about love, marriage and children.  There are more and more women out there looking for recreational sex and are not serious about marriage.  You need to find out how supportive she would be of you and how nurturing.  Before you actually have sex with her, it would behoove you to find out how she would respond in bed.  Will she give you blow jobs?  What does she think is an appropriate number of times a week to have sex?  Will she talk dirty in bed to you?  There are a lot of women out there who are very prudish about sex and unwilling to change.  60% of the women out there have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less. Don’t you think that it would be good for you to find that out before having sex with her?  If she is not even willing to have a conversation with you about it, you don’t want her anyway.  Couples have fights about the BIG THREE:  MONEY, SEX AND KIDS.

     Too many women out there practice the policy of not talking about sex before she has sex with a man and hoping for the best.  This is part of her notions about sex being spontaneous.  She does not want to think about it in advance because of her guilt over sex.  If she does not talk to you about it before having sex with you, she feels somewhat resolved over her guilt and tells herself that it “just happened”.  It is further complicated that she still has that romantic notion of the “knight in shining armor” sweeping her off of her feet and then wanting to keep her.  Too often it is these kinds of thoughts and notions that are on her mind when she goes to bed with you.

     I would suggest on the second or third date to have the conversation with her about sex if you have an interest in her and that you feel that she has an interest in you.  If she asks you why you are initiating a conversation about sex when you have not even had sex with her, you can honestly answer that:  You feel that sex is important and should not be entered into lightly or irresponsibly.  Since this is the way that you feel and that you want to respect her by not having sex with her if you realize that the relationship is not going to be compatible, you want to spare her feelings of having sex with her and not continuing into a relationship.  You are trying to spare her feelings.  It gives her a way to preview you as well as you previewing how she would react.  It is only by talking with each other and getting a feel about their sexual style can you evaluate if you want to pursue the relationship any further.  It saves hurt feelings and the notion of having been used for sex.  It is honest and shows integrity.  If she fiercely resists an honest conversation you need to pass any way.  The foundation of a good relationship you can tell her is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other, especially over important topics like sex.  The key to fantastic mind blowing sex is in a committed relationship where both parties in the relationship practice 100-100 comitment.  It is not found in casual promiscuous sex.  I am suggesting to you that the essence of being a true man is someone who can be counted upon for honesty and integrity.  You can’t be that kind of man and practice casual sex for your own selfish gratification.  A good marriage is the best possible solution for you.  Let me quote some others on why you should seek to be married:

     According to David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead who are co-directors of the Marriage Project at Rutgers university, they have found the following factors yield the best chance at long-lasting satisfying marriage:  having similar goals and interests, know each other well but don’t live together before they get married, come from intact families, marry after age 25, and are not expecting a child, similar in age, race, religion, political beliefs, education, intelligence and values.  The payoff of a good marriage is personal happiness, more and better sex than singles, economic success, health and long life, and very positive benefits for the children.


Sex And The Bible

February 16, 2010


Most people would be surprised at the amount of biblical commands in the Bible about sex. They would be even more surprised at the number of positive commands regarding our sex lives. God wants us to have a rich full sexual relationship.Unfortunately, most people have the notion that you are not supposed to talk about sex in church. As a former minister of youth, I was castigated by some parents for teaching a high school class on the subject of what the bible defines as sexual sin. I was told: “you are not supposed to talk about sex in church.” I was singularly amazed because the Bible is what sets the standards for our life. It gives us rules for living. It also defines what is and is not sexual sin. These parents were actually mad at me for teaching the Bible in Sunday School to high school students whose hormones were all raging. It was interesting because the pastor’s 16 year old daughter was in on the class with her parent’s knowledge and blessing. I had thought about telling the parents in advance what I was going to teach, but thought better of it for fear that they would yank their kids out of the class that week. I knew enough to be prepared for the attack.

     
     
     

Jesus said in the Bible to: be wise as a serpent and yet harmless as a dove. Mathew 10:16. Following that mandate, I took the precaution of audio taping the class. I did not want there to be unfounded accusations that could not be defended against. Sure enough parents came in “guns blazing” and accusatory. I simply told them before they started castigating me they should take the tape home and listen to it and see what they found that was wrong or inappropriate. Of the three sets of parents who complained, not one of them would take the tape home and listen to it.

These feelings come about from long standing admonitions to little girls who grew up with the words of their parents in their ears, that: “good girls don’t do that”. That is a huge problem among couples today. When girls grow up to be women and it is time to embrace their sexuality, they can’t relax and be uninhibited with their husbands and enjoy their sexuality.

In a previous chapter, I referred to a course taught by a woman named Marabelle Morgan about how to love your husband including sexuality. We had her seminar coming to our church in 1975. Women were to read the book before the seminar took place.

We had some women object to the seminar conference because it contained sexual references as to how a woman is supposed to take care of her husband. This feeling prevails even today in churches. My question is: Do you think that God made a mistake? How about those references in the Bible about sex? Should we tear those out of the Bible? Pastors and Sunday school teachers don’t dare teach or preach on the subject. What happens is invariably you have women going on the attack and using shaming statements if men mention sex, especially in light of the fact that women are not fulfilling their role

Couples fight about the big three: money, sex and kids. The bible is very clear on sexual issues between husband and wife. Because fighting is common over sex, there is a scripturally mandated ministry in Titus 2:4-5 That they (the older women of the church) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, (how to love including answering sexual questions), to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV

In essence, the Titus 2 ministry amounts to a school for sex for women in how to love their husbands. It was so imperative that it was explained in the scripture that it was to avoid causing blaspheming the Word of God.

Blasphemed translated from the Greek is blasphemeo. To: insult, slander, curse, speak evil of, reviled, defame, or railed upon.

As mentioned in the chapter on feminists, research shows that fully 60% of women only want sex once a week. Sadly they inflict that schedule on their husbands. This was also common in the biblical times. Now I know that there are exceptions and sometimes it is the wife with a high libido and a husband who does not want it as much. Our purpose is to cover the majority of the people out there. We will consider what the bible says as we are commanded to do in living our lives.

It says in Proverbs5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee At All Times; and be thou Ravished Always with her love.

 Most women feel that they have a perfect right to reject her husband’s sexual overtures any time she feels like it. This is what is taught by the feminists. On the other hand, when is the last time that you ever saw a feminist point anyone to Jesus? Is there any thing in the above passage that you could interpret to get that permission? “ Let her breasts satisfy thee At all times” means when the husband needs it. At all times means just that. It is really not open to interpretation. When the wife disobeys these biblical commands, it sets up a temptation for the husband and it ultimately means that the Word (instruction in the bible) is blasphemed.

The Bible often uses figurative and poetic speech to describe something. “Let thy fountain be blessed” is referring to the man’s penis. It is a wish and an admonition that he be gifted with children and that his wife takes care of him well.

Rejoice with the wife of your youth” is an interesting passage. God understood the sexual urge that he put into mankind. He set it out that under Jewish law, a boy was considered a “man” when he hit age 13, or roughly at the onset of puberty. Once puberty hits, he is full of raging hormones and needs sexual relief often sometimes more than once a day. To avoid sexual sin, adolescents were routinely married between the ages of 13 and 15 thus giving them a legal and moral sexual outlet for their relief. The young couple would then stay with one of the sets of parents until they were able to financially make it on their own.We have trampled on God’s plan and tell our children to wait until their twenties to get married. Is it any wonder that we have so much extra marital sex, unwanted pregnancies, and epidemic sexually transmitted diseases.

Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe.” Again the bible uses figurative language here to compare a woman to a hind and a roe. The animals referred to here are deer and roebucks. In the animal world, mating is often marked with violence. You have heard cats squalling and hissing. The female goes through a lot of aggression and scratching before she submits to mating. Deer are just the opposite. They willingly mate with their bucks. They are probably the most beautiful and graceful animals in the animal kingdom. This is a supreme compliment to a woman to compare her mating with her husband like a female deer mating with her buck. The Bible goes on to reiterate this in comparing her to the roe or roebuck which is a type of mountain sheep, where mating takes place high on mountain cliffs. If the female roebuck does not mate willingly and cooperatively with the buck, then they could easily fall to their deaths from the high mountain cliffs where mating takes place, protected from predators.

Ravished always is a biblical word for not only giving your husband sex, but giving him GREAT SEX. Not just great sex, but again the always is reiterated. Always means always not just when you feel like it. The bible forbids us to be a “stumbling block” in Romans 14:13, Mathew 18:7. A stumbling block is causing someone by your actions or inactions that would cause that person to be tempted to sin. By denying your husband sex, you are a stumbling block to him.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevelolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife doth not have power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, so that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence. I Corinthians 7:3-5

If you read this, there is no way that you can interpret that the wife has a right to say no to her husband. Nevertheless, so many of you do with impunity in defiance of God’s word. The Bible is always equalitarian. Notice too that the husband does not have the right to refuse his wife sexual relations. The only time that sex is supposed to be put on hold is with Mutual Consent by the husband and wife for a brief time of prayer and fasting.

So many women try to relate to their husband’s sexuality through their own. Men’s sexuality is driven by semen build-up. Remember the time when you were pregnant. It is a fact of life that a pregnant woman has to urinate more often because the baby is pressing on your bladder. You can’t help it. Now let us play role reversal here for a minute. Think about your husband feeling the same way as you do, because that is what a man’s sexual drive feels like. He does not have a choice when he needs relief. Let us role play here further. Imagine that you are in a car with him on a long trip and you are pregnant. You say: “honey, can you pull over because I have to go to the bathroom.” Now let us pretend that your husband answers you like so many women answer their husband’s requests for sex: “ What you have to pee again, is that all you can ever think about? Do you have a one track mind? What are you some kind of peeing pervert? I am tired; I don’t feel like pulling over. Leave me alone and quit bugging me. Listen, maybe tomorrow I will pull over and let you pee”. You women would declare war on us if we talked to you that way when you had to pee.

For the most part women want sex once a week. For the most part men want sex 3-5 times a week. Let us compromise and say you give it to him 4 times a week. I can just hear the screams and howls from you women now. ” No Way Am, I Doing It That Often”. The average act takes about 30 minutes start to finish. If you actually gave your husband sex 4 times a week, that would come to two hours. Now out of 168 hours in the week, that represents only slightly more than 1% of your time. I say that if you can’t give your husband 1% of your time to nurture him and love him, your priorities are all wrong. God wants 10% and you can’t give your husband a lousy 1%? This is why most men are not very romantic, they figure, why bother? Most women don’t understand that it is the woman that inspires men to romance by how they treat him. From the time that you were a little girl, you dreamed about Happily Ever After. The problem with that dream is that has always been self-centered. You imagine the prince gazing upon you with rapt attention, but you never understand that the prince has needs that you need to satisfy. I have never heard if a woman thinking about what her responsibilities to fulfilling his happily ever after wants and desires. Because you don’t satisfy them, he stops being romantic.

God in the Old Testament allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to be able to satisfy their generally higher sex drives. God allowed this so that men would not commit adultery. If the first wife turned him down for sex, he had back-up wives and/or concubines to take care of him sexually. In the Old Testament there are 121 references to multiple wives. There are also 39 references to men having concubines to satisfy their sexual desires which God allowed. God even specified laws to protect the wives and the concubines. Then in God’s progressive revelation, He changed it to where there was one man and one woman and it transitioned in Proverbs 31. The heart of the husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 11-12. Now many bible translators of newer modern language bibles incorrectly translate the Hebrew word for spoil here as meaning earthly gain. This is incorrect. The old fashioned term spoil comes from the spoils of war. This is where the invading army got to go in and take things from the homes of the killed opposing soldiers. Now it is true that spoil would be acquisition of goods from the houses, but it was also women that God allowed. In the Proverbs 31 passage, it is referring to concubines.

Spoil is both a noun and a verb. Sadad is a verb and the Hebrew word in the Old Testament meaning to: loot, plunder, or take spoils. Once the soldiers took all that they wanted, then they generally destroyed the houses and stuff that they did not want. This is one of the ways that Armies rewarded soldiers to literally risk death and put their lives on the line. The promise was that if they were victorious, they could go in and take rewards from the homes of the dead soldiers. You may have heard the term rape and pillage. This is what happened when the victorious soldiers came into the conquered cities. They would go through the houses and claim the women that they wanted by raping them and taking them captive. Once that was done then they ransacked the houses, taking any goods of value for their own. This act was called pillaging or spoiling.

Sod is a noun in Hebrew. It means what is left after the violence, rape and destruction. It means: desolation, destruction, spoiled, oppression and wasting. There are actually 11 different words in Hebrew for spoil.

One of the main things that they took were the women who were then destined to become secondary wives called concubines with a status only slightly above a slave. When the primary wife refused her husband’s sexual overtures, then it fell to the concubine to satisfy the man’s needs. Interestingly enough, the word for concubine in Hebrew is literally pilages. So in other words, the word pilages was literally transliterated out of the Hebrew and put into the English language equivalent word pillage.

And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goodsBut all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:9,18

But the women and the little ones, and the cattle, and the spoil thereof, shall you take unto yourself, and you shall eat the spoil of your enemies which the Lord your God has given to you. Deuteronomy 20:14

When you go forth to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God has delivered them into your hand and you have taken them captive, And you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you have a desire for her, that you would have her to be your wife; Then you shall bring her home to your house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in your house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month; and after that you shall go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. Deuteronomy 21:10-13

Have they not divided the prey, to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

Well Proverbs 31 is a transition to a having only one wife and no concubines. Here means that he shall have only one. This wife is now obligated to satisfy all of his sexual needs. She honors his trust in her by taking care of him sexually. It reiterates that she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life. This was a huge transition time. Because the father was expected to take a more active role in rearing his children, he could not do that with multiple children with multiple wives. Transitioning to only one wife then allowed him fewer children to take care of. It also strengthened the family unit. With that in mind, how can you say that denying your husband sexual relations is doing him good?

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23

When a wife gives her husband sex willingly and lovingly and does not deny him, he becomes centered and balanced. He has a feeling of contentedness. This enables him to focus on his business or job and be quite productive which allows him to excel. This excellence gets him promotions, more money and respect of his peers and superiors.

It is further evidenced in the conclusion of Proverbs 31:28 where it states: Her children arise up, and call her blessed: her husband also, and he praises her. Men complain among themselves when their wives don’t take care of their sexual needs. On the other hand, if she does, he literally sings hers praises and tells people how lucky he is to have her. It is this feeling that causes him to do romantic things for her. Women, like it or not, if you want romance, you have to take care of your husband’s needs in such a way that he literally feels inspired to romance you. If you are not taking care of him, believe me, he has no desire or inspiration to romance you, only to resent you for starving him sexually.

This point is illustrated by the following Biblical passage: He (she) who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly. II Corinthians 9:6 He wants sex, you want romance. Starve him for sex; you will be starved for romance.

Finally, as parents and our parents have done, we have put so much emphasis on “thou shalt not” to daughters, many can’t relax and enjoy their sexuality as the gift that God made it and intended for it. As a coach, this is a common thing that I work with women on. Freeing them from inhibitions to enjoy their sexuality. The bible addresses this issue in part in Hebrews 13:4 where it says: Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; This means that there is nothing that you and your husband can do in bed that is wrong. This also freed the couple from the Old Testament laws of cleanness. For example in the Old Testament couples were forbidden to have sex during a woman’s period. She could not even go into the temple during her period. Also, if the couple had sex the night before temple, they were required to go through ceremonial washing 7 times before they were allowed to go into the temple. They were also required to wash the bed linens as well before going into the temple. So Hebrews 13:4 negated all of those Old Testament laws of cleanness.

You need to relax, enjoy your sexuality and understand that biblically you don’t have the right to say no. If you give it willingly and lovingly I promise that you will see your husband be much more attentive and actually develop some romantic tendencies. Whether or not the relationship succeeds or fails is largely up to you the wife. I will leave you with one last biblical warning: “ Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1 The house being referred to here is her husband as in the house of David. We are not talking about actual construction issues. The Bible here is referring to building up your man with praise and respect. It also builds his self esteem when you give him sex willingly and lovingly

Let me give you some surprising biblical passages from the Song of Solomon: A bundle of myrrh is my beloved unto me: he shall lie all night between my breasts. 1:13 I have a slang term for this that I call titty nuzzling. Sometimes when men are hurting and needing comfort, they want to get their face between your breasts, nuzzle, suckle and have you wrap your arms around his head and stroke him and comfort him.

I found him whom my soul loves: I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house. 3:4 You can just imagine this woman wrapping her arm around his arm tightly and pressing her breast against the back of his arm and walking with him.

Your two breasts are like two young does that are twins that feed among the lilies. 4:5 Here her man is admiring her breasts that she has already given to him willingly and lovingly and he is inspired to romance.

Your lips, Oh my spouse, drop as honeycomb; honey and milk are under your tongue; Here again the man is inspired to romance as he is describing how wonderful it is to kiss her what it feels like to get oral sex from her willingly and lovingly given.

This your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree I will take hold of the boughs thereof; now also your breasts shall be as clusters of the vine7:7-8 Again the man is waxing poetic over the physical love and sex he enjoys from his wife. Clearly this woman is not saying no to sex with he husband. He describes how much he enjoys fondling her breasts.

I am my beloved’s and his desire is unto me. 7:10 The woman is glorying in the fact that her husband is faithful and loving to her because of how well she takes care of his sexual needs and feels good about herself, her husband and her marriage and how romantic he is to her. She feels loved cherished and secure, all because of the fact that she willingly and lovingly takes care of his sexual desires.

Try it God’s way for 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference in your marriage and ultimate happiness. Happily Ever After is possible if you follow God’s plan for marriage.

Finally let me once again reiterate to you women, if you want romance, you need to provide inspiration to your man by giving him sex willingly and lovingly when he needs it. You do not ever put him down for his sexuality. Women inspire men to romance and they are also the one’s who kill romance by their own actions. I ask you directly, what are you doing to romance your husband? Answer the question to yourself honestly. If you need to make improvements, make them and reap the benefits. Romance can’t be all one-sided.

For those of you who are Christians and attend church, go to your pastor and ask him why he has not taught or preached on these issues. He is responsible for teaching the whole Bible, not just selectively ignoring issues. Church is the most appropriate place to learn about sex. All you ever hear in church is negatives about sex. This is wrong. We need to be teaching people what a wonderful gift from God that sex is and can be.


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