Great Advice For Single Women

January 9, 2012

I have a friend named Ada Burch who had a very traumatic experience this year. Her fiance tried to kill her. She refuses to be a victim and has bounced back like only she can. I commend her blog to you for your enjoyment. Blessings on you and yours John Wilder
On Dating Filed under: Ada Burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, January 4, 2012 Rate This

Some have called me a relationship expert. While I would not go that far, I have learned some valuable lessons that can be shared. I have had several requests
Respect yourself – If you respect yourself, then others will too. If you do not respect yourself you will allow others to treat you any way they see fit. It’s not about them, it’s about you.

Speak – There is no value in playing coy. Speak your mind, and if a man doesn’t like it, he is not the right man. You have to speak up if you want to have have your needs met in a relationship. Suffering in silence does no one any good.

Be feisty – Don’t be afraid to be feisty, Demand respect, call a man on his shit, and don’t be willing to compromise on deal breakers or what is important to you. There are men out there who will try to knock you down and insult you for being feisty and standing up for yourself. Don’t listen to them. You don’t have to be mean or ugly, simply don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want in a relationship.

Be a lady – If you behave like a contestant on Jerry Springer, you will have men and relationships that could be on Jerry Springer. Always be a lady…and men will treat you like one. If a man does not treat you like a lady, which means with respect and kindness, then he is not the man for you.

Walk away. Believe them the first time – There is a saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This is very true in dating. If the man mistreats you, then he has shown you who he is.

Love should feel good, it should not hurt. And sometimes we spend so much time trying to hang on or fix what feels bad that we forget to make room for what feels good. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel good, then it’s time to walk away.

Believe them the first time… You don’t have to be the nice girl – While you should always be a lady, you don’t always have to be “nice.” That means don’t be afraid to walk away, or simply not take any crap. Sometimes it is easy to get caught in the Nice girl trap…you give chance after chance to a guy who keeps mistreating you. Because you want to be nice, because you want to be fair, because you don’t want to be a bitch. Forget that! If he doesn’t treat you right, he doesn’t deserve another chance.

The only men who have ever resented me not taking any of their crap, where those who were really trying to get away with something. If the guys is right for you, there will be no crap that you have to take or put up with.

Sex – A relationship is much more than sex. However, life is too short to settle for bad sex. So if you are not getting what you want, talk to him about it, and if that doesn’t work, move on. Know that you are good enough.

When in the game of dating, it is easy to have doubts about yourself. My friends and I have been criticized for not picking up the tab on a first date (we are the girls) to dressing too sexy, to not dressing sexy enough, making too much money, not making enough…and everything in between. While it is natural to have doubts, know that you are good enough. you are pretty enough, you are sexy enough. You, just you, are enough, just the way you are.

And however you are…own it. Be honest.

Dating should be fun, but don’t play games with others feelings. Karma is a bitch, and you do not want to cross her. Have fun. Dating should be fun. Laugh, play, enjoy yourself and the intrigue of getting to know another human being. And who knows, maybe you could find the love of your life.

Move slow. People are complex and flawed, don’t rush in. Falling in love is a wonderful, beautiful process and sometimes we are in such a hurry, we forget to enjoy the process. Taking your time also makes sure that he is what you think he is. When we rush in, we can give the other person characteristics that they may or may not have. We can make assumptions about who and what they are. Only time will tell. And if a man starts moving faster than what you are comfortable with, then that is a red flag. Some men move quickly for a reason. If you express not wanting to move fast, and he pressures you anyway, walk away.

Red Flags. Pay attention to them. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in dating and liking that person, that we ignore those red flags. Paying attention to them can save you from a broken heart, a lot of drama and could even safe your life. Trust your gut. No matter what, always follow your gut. So many times we, especially women, ignore our gut feelings because we can’t put a finger on the red flag or feeling of uneasiness. We want to be nice, to give that persona chance…but our guts are good to us, and rarely, if ever, wrong. No matter what anyone says, always trust your gut. Laugh. Laugh with him, laugh when one of you does something silly, laugh after a fight, and if you have a bad date, laugh at him while having wine with your girlfriends. This is a start. Now go out there are date. 🙂

Yea 60,000 Page Views Thanks To My Readers

January 4, 2012

I am deeply gratified to go over 60,000 page views today. By the time that you read this
it will be. I only need 36 more page views as of this minute to go over 60,000. I have been
averaging over 200 page views per day for the last few months.

I have been contacted by many people. Some young women who still don’t know how to masturbate
and want to know and have come to me for instruction. Some couples who are having trouble with
their sex lives and I helped them. Some people who are having trouble with their marriages
and fighting and I helped them.

Some women who are having trouble with their men and I helped them.

I have also had a few women attack me for the frank nature of my sexual blogs.
They are victims of over zealous parents and pastors who have beat into their
heads that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. They
never bothered to teach them all the sex positive messages in the Bible.

If you are interested in Sex Positive messages from the Bible check out my blog
post entitled Sex and The Bible, Amazing Sex Positive Messages.

I also appreciate people who want to guest post on here and am always
open to new guest posters. The most amazing is a young woman who has
written my all time favorite and most widely read blog post entitled
Giving Him The Ultimate Blow Job, Letting Him Come In Your Mouth and
Swallowing. It has literally been responsible for thousands of
page views and is almost always the number one read blog post for the day.

I also appreciate those of you who have referred my blog to their friends
and relatives. Also please no that I offer help and offer an amazing
money back guarantee that you won’t get from any other counselor.

So Happy New Year, it holds great promise for my blog and if there
is a subject that you would like for me to cover in my blog
drop me a line at

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

Spring Is Here, Springer Spaniels, Spring Vegetable Soup

July 2, 2010

This is another great guest post. I have entered into a contractual arrangement to be her agent.

We all grieve the passing of Erma Bombeck and her column. No no one can fill her shoes but Susan Nelson is definitely following in her footsteps. I have posted one of her columns on my site as a guest blog. My goal is to have her column in all of the newspapers that Erma was in. I have contacted Bill Bombeck her husband and asked for his endorsement. Believe it or not there is actually an Erma Bombeck writer’s workshop every year. I have asked for the endorsement of the director of that workshop.
What I am asking for you readers is to copy this and send it to your local paper and ask them to carry the column. We would appreciate it.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

I lived in Little Rock, Arkansas, from 1980 to 1984. My children were in 5th and 6th grade when we moved there, and my stepdaughter was three. As mentioned in previous blogs, my husband at the time, travelled about three weeks out of four so I was on my own with three dogs, two cats, a rabbit and two hamsters. Busy me.
My stepdaughter flew up from Southern California every other weekend. Most of the the time my husband made it home on weekends but, if not, I was in charge of the brood. This particular weekend, that was the case. It was a Saturday morning. My son was in the back yard with our golden retriever, Barnaby, picking up fruit that had fallen from our trees. Our neighbors to the left had two springer spaniels. They were caged because the male was agressive, but it was open topped. Springers are aptly named because of their ability to jump great heights. This morning the dog managed to get over the fence into our yard.
I had my head in the kitchen sink trying to wash the dye, yes, yes, I dye my hair, out of my hair when I heard yelling. The two girls were in the family room watching TV. Grabbing a towel, dye running down my face I ran to the back door. My son was in between the two growling dogs, and our dog was definitely not coming out on top. The closest thing to a weapon handy was a shovel standing by the fireplace. When I got out there Barnaby had a huge gash by one eye and my son had a bite on his hand. Running after the springer swinging my mighty shovel he high tailed it (no pun intended) back to his side of the fence.
Barnaby’s eye was a mess. I called the vet and was told to drop him off. After checking out the bite mark on my son’s hand, I called his doctor and said we were coming in. Sarah, my stepdaughter had lost her mind and was hitting decibels with her screaming that probably were picked up on satellite. Wrapping the towel around my head, brown dye drying nicely on my face and ears I managed to rally the troups and get them in the car, the still screaming Sarah hanging around my neck.
People in the vet got out of my way. I’m sure that a crazed woman wearing a Grateful Dead tee shirt and cutoffs, brown dye running down her face, toting a bleeding dog, wasn’t a sight they saw every day in Danville (a rather snooty town).
Back in the car I went on to sit in the doctor’s waiting room with four equally uncomfortable patients giving us a wide berth.
Finally, bite addressed, Sarah’s mouth gone silent, and hair dye glued to the top of my head, the crisis was averted.
After determining that Barnaby had needed surgery and would be spending the night at the vet’s I decided to take my disgruntled crew out for ice cream. I ordered four triples, felt we needed it, and when I went to pay the kid behind the counter who, at this point, had stopped blatently staring at me and was now avoiding any and all eye contact, I discovered I’d left my wallet in the doctor’s office.
An hour later, home and somewhat calmed down I went to wash off the rest of the dye and discovered that by leaving it on so long it had actually colored my scalp as well as my hair so I looked like I’d had a run in with the Tar Baby. Like I’ve said before, some people have normal lives, I have mine.
Spring Vegetable Soup
1 T olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1 bay leaf
1 can Ro-Tel tomatoes, drained
1 medium potato, peeled and chopped
1/2 cup chopped broccoli
1 zucchini, sliced thin and halved
1 yellow squash, sliced thin and halved
1/2 cup torn spinach
1/2 cup chopped fresh mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1/4 cup chopped cabbage
4 cups chicken broth (preferably homemade, but canned works fine)
6 ounces egg noodles
1 cup canned white beans, drained and rinsed
Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat, and cook the onion and garlic until tender. Mix in tomatoes, potato, broccoli, squash, spinach, mushrooms, carrots, cabbage, bay leaf, and seasonings. Pour in chicken broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low. Simmer 30-40 minutes, or until vegetables are tender.
Stir egg noodles and white beans into the pot, and continue cooking 7 minutes, or until noodles are tender and beans are heated through

%d bloggers like this: