Unfortunately, most people have the notion that you are not supposed to talk about sex in church. As a former minister of youth, I was castigated by some parents for teaching a high school class on the subject of what the bible defines as sexual sin. I was told: “you are not supposed to talk about sex in church.” At a seminar called Total Woman at our church, we had some women object because it contained sexual references and how a woman is supposed to take care of her husband. This feeling prevails even today in churches. My question is: Do you think that God made a mistake? How about those references in the Bible about sex? Should we tear those out of the Bible? Pastors and Sunday school teachers don’t dare teach or preach on the subject.
Today, we have a 50% divorce rate in the general population and 33% even among Christians. What is really sad is the research that shows definitively the life-long damage done to children as the result of divorce. Couples fight about the big three: money, sex and kids. The bible is very clear on sexual issues between husband and wife. Because fighting is common over sex, there is a scripturally mandated ministry in Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV
Research shows that fully 60% of women only want sex once a week. Sadly they inflict that schedule on their husbands. Now I know that there are exceptions and sometimes it is the wife with a high libido and a husband who does not want it as much. Our purpose is to cover the majority of the people out there. We will consider what the bible says as we are commanded to do in living our lives.
It says in Proverbs: Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee AT ALL TIMES; and be thou ravished ALWAYS with her love. Most women feel that they have a perfect right to reject her husband’s sexual overtures any time she feels like it. This is what is taught by the feminists. On the other hand, when is the last time that you ever saw a feminist point anyone to Jesus? Is there any thing in the above passage that you could interpret to get that permission? Ravished is a biblical word for not only giving your husband sex, but giving him GREAT SEX. When you give him sex willing and lovingly, it is called appropriately MAKING LOVE because of the feelings that it engenders on his part. God made it a powerful bonding agent between a man and a woman. When you refuse your husband’s sexual overtures, the converse is, you are MAKING RESENTMENT. Every time he is forced to masturbate to relieve his sexual tensions, you create resentment. Many times he will resort to pornography for arousal. The bible forbids us to be a “stumbling block” in Romans 14:13, Mathew 18:7.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevelolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife doth not have power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, so that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence. I Corinthians 7:3-5
If you read this, there is no way that you can interpret that the wife has a right to say no to her husband. Nevertheless, so many of you do with impunity in defiance of God’s word.
So many women try to relate to their husband’s sexuality through their own. Men’s sexuality is driven by semen build-up. Remember the time when you were pregnant. It is a fact of life that a pregnant woman has to urinate more often because the baby is pressing on your bladder. You can’t help it. Now let us play role reversal here for a minute. Think about your husband feeling the same way as you do, because that is what a man’s sexual drive feels like. He does not have a choice when he needs relief. Let us role play here further. Imagine that you are in a car with him on a long trip and you are pregnant. You say; “honey, can you pull over because I have to go to the bathroom.” Now let us pretend that your husband answers you like so many women answer their husband’s requests for sex: What you want to go to the bathroom again, is that all you can ever think about? Do you have a one track mind? What are you some kind of urination addict? I am tired, I don’t feel like pulling over. Leave me alone and quit bugging me. Listen, maybe tomorrow I will pull over and let you go the bathroom. If men talked that way to their wives there would be such a huge outcry across the land.
For the most part women want sex once a week. For the most part men want sex 3-5 times a week. Let us compromise and say you give it to him 4 times a week. I can just hear the screams and howls from you women now. “NO WAY AM I DOING IT THAT OFTEN”. The average act takes about 30 minutes start to finish. If you actually gave your husband 4 times a week, that would come to two hours. Now out of 168 hours in the week, that represents only slightly more than one percent of your time. I say that if you can’t give your husband 1% of your time to nurture him and love him, your priorities are all wrong. God wants 10% and you can’t give your husband a lousy 1%? This is why most men are not very romantic, they figure, why bother? Most women don’t understand that it is the woman that inspires men to romance by how they treat him. From the time that you were a little girl, you dreamed about Happily Ever After. The problem with that dream is that has always been self-centered. You imagine the prince gazing upon you with rapt attention, but you never understand that the prince has needs that you need to satisfy. Because you don’t satisfy them, he stops being romantic.
God in the Old Testament allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to be able to satisfy their generally higher sex drives. God allowed this so that men would not commit adultery. Then in God’s progressive revelation, He changed it to where there was one man and one woman and it transitioned in Proverbs 31. The heart of the husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 11-12. Now many bible translators incorrectly translate the Hebrew word for spoil here as meaning earthly gain. This is incorrect. The old fashioned term spoil comes from the spoils of war.. This is where the invading army got to go in and take things from the homes of the killed opposing soldiers. One of the main things that they took were the women who were then destined to become secondary wives called concubines with a status only slightly above a slave. When the primary wife refused her husband’s sexual overtures, then it fell to the concubine to satisfy the man’s needs. Well Proverbs 31 here means that he shall have only one wife, but she is now obligated to satisfy all of his sexual needs. She honors his trust in her by taking care of him sexually. It reiterates that she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life. How is denying your husband doing him good?
Finally, as parents and our parents have done, we have put so much emphasis on thou shalt not to daughters, many can’t relax and enjoy their sexuality as the gift that God made it and intended for it. As a coach, this is a common thing that I work with women on. Freeing them from inhibitions to enjoying their sexuality. The bible addresses this issue in part in Hebrews 13:4 where it says: Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; This means that there is nothing that you and your husband can do in bed that is wrong. You need to relax, enjoy your sexuality and understand that biblically you don’t have the right to say no. If you do, I promise that you will see your husband be much more attentive and actually develop some romantic tendencies. Whether or not the relationship succeeds or fails is largely up to you the wife. I will leave you with one last biblical warning: “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one plucks it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1 The house being referred to here is her husband as in the house of David. We are not talking about actual construction issues.
Try it God’s way for 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference in your marriage and ultimate happiness. Happily Ever After is possible if you follow God’s plan for marriage.