Women Here Is Some Great Sex Advice From the Bible

January 29, 2012

Let her breasts satisfy thee at ALL times and be thou always RAVISHED in her love. Proverbs 5:19

You will never see this biblical passage preached on in a sermon or taught on in a sunday school and that is too bad. Churches are all about telling girls and women that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. There are many more sex positive messages like these in the bible.

So let me give you a little biblical interpretation from this particular passage. Men love your breasts. Some times we need comfort in them when the world has beat us up. I call this titty nuzzling where I just want to bury my face in my woman’s breasts and seek comfort there and for her to make it all better.

This is sort of the reverse where the woman has had a very bad day and she seeks comfort in a man’s strong arms holding her and making it better for her. Men are strong but sometimes they feel weak and need encouragement and comfort from your breasts. You would do well to wrap your arms around his head and tell him to enjoy your breasts as long as he needs to and that it is okay with you and you want him to seek comfort from your breasts.

Men also love it when you rub your breasts against him in public, like standing close to him and holding his arm and pressing your breasts against the back of it to reassure him that you are his woman and proud to be so. We also love it when you rub your breasts against our naked bodies in bed.

I love it when a woman will give me a nipple massage, rubbing just her nipples up and down my body but especially against my penis. I love it when a woman is riding me on top and she leans forward and every stroke, caresses her breasts against my chest. See you never knew that your breasts were so multi faceted and useful to please your man.

The accented word is at ALL times. Not just when you feel like it. A man does not feel loved or respected when you reject his sexual overtures. He resents it especially if you force him to masturbate alone.

Ravished is a great biblical word meaning GREAT SEX. Don’t just lay there with your legs spread while he pounds away at you. Be active, be involved, let him know that you enjoy him trying to pleasure you. Give him sex willingly and lovingly. It is the greatest relationship insurance that you can have. Your man won’t be tempted to cheat on you if you willingly take care of his sexual needs. And finally don’t always make him approach you for sex. Take the initiative once in a while. Men Love that. And be willing to wear lingerie that pleases him. Men love seeing you in lacy frilly lingerie with some color and lace trim. The relationship that you save could well be your own.

Blessings on you and yours John Wilder

Marriage Counseling Versus Coaching, Choose Coaching If You Want Results

January 23, 2012

Marriage Counseling Versus Marriage Coaching


There is a dirty little secret in the marriage counseling industry. 75% of all couples who go to marriage counseling end up being divorced. There is a quiet revolution taking place in this country where some forward thinking counselors are abandoning the traditional counseling methods and adopting a “coaching” style. A couple of well known counselors have made the transition like Michelle Weiner Davis, author of: DIVORCE BUSTING and Dr. Willard Harley, author of HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS.

Part of the problem is how services are delivered. One hour once a week is insufficient to do the job. Another part of the problem is philosophy of treatment. Counseling concentrates on couples talking about their feelings. Coaching concentrates on resolving the problem.

Think about this for a minute. If couples seek out marriage counseling, the marriage is likely in deep trouble where the stress level is such that they are considering divorce. Now think about the “medical model” for a minute: If you had serious heart trouble, would you want to go to a cardiologist whose record is that 3 out of 4 patients under his care die? If you had a very serious life threatening cut, would you be happy with a doctor who said, I am going to put one stitch in you now, and you come back in week and I will put another stitch in you and keep coming back once a week for the next 20 weeks and we will have you all stitched up? If you had Strep Throat would you be happy with a doctor who says that he will give you a little antibiotic and keep coming back for 20 weeks until the infection is cleared up? Would you want accept any of those treatment plans

Would you accept firemen coming out to your house and telling you that they are going to put a little of the fire out and that they would come back the next week and put a little more of the fire out and keep coming back until the fire is out? There is no other profession that attempts to resolve a problem utilizing this paradigm.

The reason that it is done this way is not because it is what is best for the patients, but it is what is best for the insurance industry who will only reimburse for one hour once a week. Actuaries (these are guys who are the bean counters for the insurance companies) have figured out that couples will abandon the process long before they resolve the problem thus saving the insurance company money.

Another part of the problem is the philosophy of counseling style where the counselor assumes a neutral position. Mediation services don’t follow this style. The mediator takes two opposing sides and takes charge and is a referee suggesting alternative solutions to both sides and maintains order during the process. They also roll up their sleeves and over the course of several hours resolves the problems or makes great strides in resolving the problem in a minimum of sessions in a very short period of time. Couples don’t need to talk about their feelings, they need to resolve the problems. They need to be taught relationship skills. There is an old Chinese proverb which states: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”. Couples need to be taught conflict resolution skills which do not come naturally. What comes naturally is fighting.

Going back to the medical model, you don’t leave a patient with a high fever for weeks at a time, you treat the fever and what is causing the fever in a short period of time. Couples in crisis are having the equivalent of serious fever. They are in stress because the “Fight or Flight Syndrome” causes huge adrenaline rushes which can’t be easily sustained over weeks of time. The stress is very hard on the body and is a leading cause of heart disease. The collateral damage happens to the children in the family. The toxic mood in the house is equivalent to torture for them because they are helpless and can’t do anything about it.

Clearly the treatment model for counseling needs a paradigm shift. We need to first resolve the problems in a short period of time, teach couples conflict resolution skills and relational skills and to lobby the insurance industry to adopt a different reimbursement model. Insurance companies need to pay for hours of service rendered and not dictate to the counselor how he structures the time element in the therapy.

As a couple, you need to seek out a marriage coach to help you resolve your problems. You will have to pay for it out of your own pocket, but it is a much more effective therapy and far cheaper than divorce.

Most coaches will deal with couples by phone or on the internet by Individual Messenger (IM).This saves time and money. Many couples don’t like to drive to an office. This way you can deal with your problems in the comfort of your own home .

15 Great Sex Tips For Women To Improve Your Sex Life

January 19, 2012

X Here is a great article from an online magazine called the Stir. I suggest that you go there and sign up, its free.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

Welcome to The Stir. It’s easy to keep in touch with us:
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You’ve signed up for The Stir Daily Ten! Look for it in your inbox each evening..15 Sex Tips For Women (From Men)
Posted by Aunt Becky on January 13, 2012 at 8:09 PM

It’s hard, especially if you’ve been a long-term relationship or marriage, to keep the sexy alive. It’s easy to fall into a rut when it comes to a romp in the bedroom — we’ve all done it — and harder than ever to come back out of the rut with some new sexy moves.

There’s no one better to discuss how to please a man then, well, another man.

Here are 15 suggestions from guys about how to bring the heat back into your relationship:

1. Strap on some sexy stockings and a garter belt.

2. Keep your naughty bits well-maintained. A simple trim can suffice if a bikini wax is an undesirable (ouch!) option.

3. Try a lap-dance or a sexy strip-tease. That doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune on lingerie — you can easily remove the frumpiest clothes sexily.

4. Sexy texts can really get him going. Send him something like, “I can’t wait for you to get home tonight — got a surprise for you,” and, well, give him a surprise!

5. If you’re separated by many miles, try phone sex. It may feel weird at first, but it can be wicked sexy if you go with it.

6. Try something new. If your man isn’t someone who is loud in the bedroom, explore new territory with him.

7. Lose all your inhibitions. Nothing revs a man up more than knowing that what he’s doing to you is driving you wild.

8. Guide him into doing what you like. Take his hand and put it wherever you’d like it to go — not only is this sexy for you, it’s a total turn-on for a guy.

9. Just like women like a blended orgasm (more than one part of the vagina stimulated at the same time), men do, too. Try mixing up a hand-job or a blow-job by playing with his testicles.

10. Talk dirty to him. If you’re not used to it, it may feel WAY awkward, but the more you do it, the more second-nature it will become. And there’s a bonus! It may turn you on, too.

11. Bust out the sex toys — remember, they can be multipurpose. Use them to stimulate the shaft of the penis while giving a blow-job to bring him to new heights of orgasm.

12. Switch positions. It’s easy to fall into the whole, “We have sex missionary style,” or “I’m always on top,” but you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by new positions.

13. Make sex a surprise. Put on his favorite pair of underwear and meet him at the door when he comes home from work.

14. Join him in the shower. No reason getting clean can’t come AFTER getting dirty.

15. Bring a bunch of pillows into the bedroom. They’ll help to achieve — and enjoy — new sexual positions.

Measure Your Life Against These Standards To Make It Better

January 18, 2012

This is a reblog of a great post that was reblogged on somneone else’s post. Read it, is profound and life changing.
Enjoy and blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

Marc and Angel Hack Life
Practical Tips for Productive Living
blogarchiveaboutrssthought questionsmakes me thinkJanuary 15th, 2012 @ 1:28 pm by: Marc
101 Simple Truths We Often Forget

It‘s not where we stand but in what direction we are moving.

Sometimes we find ourselves running in place, struggling to get ahead simply because we forget to address some of the simple truths that govern our potential to make progress. So here’s a quick reminder:

1.The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing. Growing happens when what you know changes how you live.
2.You can’t have good ideas unless you’re willing to generate a lot of bad ones.
3.A good idea without action is worth nothing.
4.Change is often resisted when it is needed the most.
5.Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want right now. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
6.People seldom do things to the best of their ability. They do things to the best of their willingness.
7.You can’t change other people; you can only offer guidance, and lead by example.
8.Right now, there’s a lot you don’t know. And if you never challenge your own beliefs, the list will never shrink.
9.If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about the topic of conversation than you do.
10.The most common and harmful addiction in the world is the draw of comfort.
11.Growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can’t grasp now.
12.When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.
13.It’s usually only as good or bad as you think it is. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.
14.Most of the bad things you worry about will never happen. Most of the bad things that do happen will have never have crossed your worried mind.
15.Some circumstances are uncontrollable, but we can always decide how we react to those circumstances.
16.Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.
17.Whenever somebody discredits you, and tells you that you can’t do something, keep in mind that they are speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations.
18.Every problem you have in your life right now is your responsibility, regardless of who initially caused it.
19.It’s not so much about finding opportunities as it is about creating them.
20.Having a plan, even a flawed one at first, is better than no plan at all.
21.Paving your own road is intelligent only if nobody has gone exactly where you are going.
22.What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while.
23.What you don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow.
24.If you’re waiting for the perfect conditions, ideas or plans to get started, you’ll never achieve anything.
25.Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.
26.Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.
27.You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
28.If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
29.The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
30.Kindness and hard work together will always carry you farther than intelligence.
31.Lots of successful people have failed as many times as they have succeeded.
32.Failures are simply lessons that help you prepare for next time.
33.Being successful is a journey, not a destination.
34.To be successful does not mean you have to dominate others; it means you have to dominate your own potential.
35.Your success isn’t just about you. It’s about how you positively impact the lives around you.
36.Being busy and being productive are two different things.
37.Being happy and being successful are two different things.
38.You have every right to be happy, but it’s up to YOU and only YOU to exercise that right. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
39.Everyone you meet is better than you at something. We all have different strengths. What worked for someone else might not work for you.
40.When you’re worried about what others think of you, you’re really just worried about what you think of yourself.
41.The bad news: nothing is permanent. The good news: nothing is permanent.
42.You don’t have to settle. It’s simply a choice you make every day. If you don’t like your life, then it’s time to start making changes and better choices.
43.There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.
44.No matter how smart you are, you will make mistakes.
45.Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful and hurtful as the process of fearing them.
46.Confusion isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re growing and thinking.
47.Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
48.In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals. Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals.
49.Even if it doesn’t cost any money, it’s not free if it takes up your time.
50.No matter how you make a living or who you think you work for, you only work for one person, yourself. The big question is: What are you selling, and to whom?
51.Money makes life easier only when it’s yours free and clear. The stress of financial debt can change a person.
52.The fewer possessions you own, the more you will use and enjoy them.
53.Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.
54.There is good reason why you should wake each morning and mindfully consider what and who you will give your day to: Because unlike other things in life – love, money, respect, good health, hope, opportunities, and many more – time is the one thing you can never get back once it’s gone.
55.Cutting your losses is often better than the alternative.
56.We sometimes do things that are permanently foolish just because we are temporarily upset.
57.Screaming at people always makes things worse.
58.Everyone likes a person who gets straight to the point.
59.First impressions are oftentimes inaccurate judgments of a person’s true character.
60.When you’re up, your friends know who you are. When you’re down, you know who your friends are.
61.If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.
62.When someone truly loves you, they don’t ever have to say a word. You will be able to tell simply by the way they treat you over the long-term.
63.We rarely lose friends, we usually just figure out who our real ones are.
64.Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
65.Family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who want you in theirs – the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.
66.Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart.
67.In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.
68.Being nice to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you’re mature enough to control your emotions.
69.If you aren’t happy being single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. You have to create your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
70.Whenever you hate someone or something, you are giving that person or thing a piece of your heart. Read The Road Less Traveled.
71.Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.
72.It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.
73.Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities.
74.When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
75.You can raise the bar or you can wait for others to raise it. Either way, it’s getting raised.
76.In life you get what you put in. If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It really is this simple.
77.Cynicism might seem warranted at times, but it’s never useful.
78.Everyone dies, some sooner than later, and often unexpectedly. To know this means you are alive, with a chance to make the time you have left count.
79.You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be.
80.Trying to be somebody you’re not is a sure path to self-hate, and a waste of the person you are.
81.It’s better to be disliked for who you are than to be liked for who you are not.
82.Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.
83.Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
84.You can’t make the same exact mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.
85.Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
86.You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.
87.Many of the greatest lessons we learn in life we don’t seek on purpose.
88.You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
89.A harsh fact of life: Bad things do happen to good people.
90.Regardless of the situation, the sun rises the next day and life goes on.
91.You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
92.We end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
93.We meet no ordinary people in our lives. If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.
94.Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.
95.People are not as beautiful as they look, as they walk, or as they talk. They are only as beautiful as they love, as they care, and as they share.
96.Silence is often the loudest cry. So pay attention to those you care about.
97.Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world.
98.Blowing out another’s candle will not make yours shine brighter.
99.No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
100.Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
101.Life is short. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

More Tips on How To Very Naughty and Yet Moral

January 15, 2012

More Tips on Being Very Naughty and Yet Moral
I had a woman reader enjoy the post about being naughty and yet moral and asked if I planned any followups. I told her that I would do one because I always like to give my readers what they want.

Here is another very naughty thing that is fun to do. Go to the movies and have your wife wear a short skirt. During the movie, slide your hand up that skirt and inside her panties an get her off right there in the movies. She will have to bury her head on your shoulder for when she comes so as not to attract attention of everyone in the theatre. It is a little bit dangerous which makes more exciting. Be a gentleman and have a fresh pair of panties in your pocket for her to change into because the panties that she has on will be soaked.

Go to the drive in movies if they still have one in your town and do it in the drive in theatre like teenagers and let out a scream when you or she comes. People around you will hear you but won’t be able to see in the car.

If you enter a building with a freight elevator, you can stop it without an alarm going off and do it right there in the elevator.

Go to an amusement park and go on the ferris wheel and slide your hand up her skirt and get her off right there on the ferris wheel, people can see her panties when you come to the bottom of the rotation and get a peek but then you go back up again. It is very naughty.

When you go shopping, go into the dressing room with her and do it right there in the dressing room.

Use your own imagination to do something very naughty and over the top and have fun and have more sex. It feels good and you need more of it. Good sex at least twice a week has been proven to decrese the changes of a heart attack by over 50%

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

My How To Resolve Conflict Was Published in A Health Care Newsletter

January 11, 2012

Resolving Conflict Peacefully

Contact An Agent By John Wilder

I always tell my clients to first go and study two movies from the rental store: THE BREAK UP, and WAR OF THE ROSES. You can see art imitating life. Study these movies and see yourselves portrayed in these movies. Watch and see the mistakes that they have made and that you have made similar mistakes as well. Children are terrified when they hear parents fighting.

When a spouse is angry with you, the first rule is to SHUT UP AND LISTEN. I know that it is hard to do. You need to let them get out everything that bothers them before you counter their arguments. Once they are done, ask to repeat back what they said so that you and the spouse are sure that you understand the problem. Then ask: “In what way can we resolve this problem”? This goes a long way to resolving the problem. Calmly discuss solutions. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger” Proverbs 15:1


Too many times people are locked into winning. The problem with winning is that there is also a loser who will feel humiliated. Better to “agree to disagree”. In this way, neither party feels like they have “lost” the argument.


If negotiating has not worked and the person is still adamant that they want a solution the Bible has a solution: “The lot causes contentions to cease and parts the mighty.” Proverbs
Casting lots was a dice game, but a modern day corollary would be a flip of the coin to settle the issue. You both have to agree in advance that this will settle the issue, and then stick to it.


When you are in a discussion where you both have a point of view that you feel strongly about, there is another alternative. You can agree to negotiate the argument for a peaceful settlement. You can do this by adopting a 10 scale. You each assign a numerical value form 1-10 depending on how firmly you believe your side is worth. You have to give an honest evaluation. Using a 10 where there is absolutely no room for negotiation, to a 1 scale where you could go either way. Come up with a legitimate number to assess your position. Suppose your spouse is at a 7 and you are at a 4 then you agree to give in to the spouse’s 7 to make for a peaceful resolution.


Another good way to resolve the argument is to simply compromise half way between the two points of view. Both parties feel like they got something and don’t feel humiliated.

The Ten Commandments for Fair Fighting

1. Never argue in front of the children, it harms and scares them.
2. Don’t ever hit your spouse.
3. Don’t curse at or call your spouse names, it is abusive.
4. Don’t attempt to get your way by bullying your spouse.
5. Don’t withhold sex to get your way.
6. Do not scream at your spouse it is abusive.
7. Do not interrupt; it is disrespectful, listen until they are done.
8. Do not take revenge for perceived hurts.
9. Develop a peacemaking attitude with questions like: How can we resolve this?
10. Don’t give people the “silent treatment”. It is revenge and it is emotionally abusive.

I have re-written an old nursery rhyme that is more appropriate: Sticks and stones can only break your bones but words can wound a spirit, break a heart or kill a relationship.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man (woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. James 1:19

The big problem is that the vast majority of people don’t heed the above scriptural mandate. Most people are doing just the opposite: they are quick to anger, quick to speak and slow to listen. If you can follow the scriptural mandate, you will be amazed at how much better your marriage works.

Great Advice For Single Women

January 9, 2012

I have a friend named Ada Burch who had a very traumatic experience this year. Her fiance tried to kill her. She refuses to be a victim and has bounced back like only she can. I commend her blog to you for your enjoyment. Blessings on you and yours John Wilder
On Dating Filed under: Ada Burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, January 4, 2012 Rate This

Some have called me a relationship expert. While I would not go that far, I have learned some valuable lessons that can be shared. I have had several requests
Respect yourself – If you respect yourself, then others will too. If you do not respect yourself you will allow others to treat you any way they see fit. It’s not about them, it’s about you.

Speak – There is no value in playing coy. Speak your mind, and if a man doesn’t like it, he is not the right man. You have to speak up if you want to have have your needs met in a relationship. Suffering in silence does no one any good.

Be feisty – Don’t be afraid to be feisty, Demand respect, call a man on his shit, and don’t be willing to compromise on deal breakers or what is important to you. There are men out there who will try to knock you down and insult you for being feisty and standing up for yourself. Don’t listen to them. You don’t have to be mean or ugly, simply don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want in a relationship.

Be a lady – If you behave like a contestant on Jerry Springer, you will have men and relationships that could be on Jerry Springer. Always be a lady…and men will treat you like one. If a man does not treat you like a lady, which means with respect and kindness, then he is not the man for you.

Walk away. Believe them the first time – There is a saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This is very true in dating. If the man mistreats you, then he has shown you who he is.

Love should feel good, it should not hurt. And sometimes we spend so much time trying to hang on or fix what feels bad that we forget to make room for what feels good. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel good, then it’s time to walk away.

Believe them the first time… You don’t have to be the nice girl – While you should always be a lady, you don’t always have to be “nice.” That means don’t be afraid to walk away, or simply not take any crap. Sometimes it is easy to get caught in the Nice girl trap…you give chance after chance to a guy who keeps mistreating you. Because you want to be nice, because you want to be fair, because you don’t want to be a bitch. Forget that! If he doesn’t treat you right, he doesn’t deserve another chance.

The only men who have ever resented me not taking any of their crap, where those who were really trying to get away with something. If the guys is right for you, there will be no crap that you have to take or put up with.

Sex – A relationship is much more than sex. However, life is too short to settle for bad sex. So if you are not getting what you want, talk to him about it, and if that doesn’t work, move on. Know that you are good enough.

When in the game of dating, it is easy to have doubts about yourself. My friends and I have been criticized for not picking up the tab on a first date (we are the girls) to dressing too sexy, to not dressing sexy enough, making too much money, not making enough…and everything in between. While it is natural to have doubts, know that you are good enough. you are pretty enough, you are sexy enough. You, just you, are enough, just the way you are.

And however you are…own it. Be honest.

Dating should be fun, but don’t play games with others feelings. Karma is a bitch, and you do not want to cross her. Have fun. Dating should be fun. Laugh, play, enjoy yourself and the intrigue of getting to know another human being. And who knows, maybe you could find the love of your life.

Move slow. People are complex and flawed, don’t rush in. Falling in love is a wonderful, beautiful process and sometimes we are in such a hurry, we forget to enjoy the process. Taking your time also makes sure that he is what you think he is. When we rush in, we can give the other person characteristics that they may or may not have. We can make assumptions about who and what they are. Only time will tell. And if a man starts moving faster than what you are comfortable with, then that is a red flag. Some men move quickly for a reason. If you express not wanting to move fast, and he pressures you anyway, walk away.

Red Flags. Pay attention to them. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in dating and liking that person, that we ignore those red flags. Paying attention to them can save you from a broken heart, a lot of drama and could even safe your life. Trust your gut. No matter what, always follow your gut. So many times we, especially women, ignore our gut feelings because we can’t put a finger on the red flag or feeling of uneasiness. We want to be nice, to give that persona chance…but our guts are good to us, and rarely, if ever, wrong. No matter what anyone says, always trust your gut. Laugh. Laugh with him, laugh when one of you does something silly, laugh after a fight, and if you have a bad date, laugh at him while having wine with your girlfriends. This is a start. Now go out there are date. 🙂

This Is For Women Who Claim To Hate Giving Blow Jobs

January 7, 2012

This is a re-blog of a woman who tells why you should consider getting over your being grossed out by giving your man a blow job
It is very understanding and yet instructive. I would recommend going to her site to sign up for her blog as well.
Here is the link and ladies enjoy and please leave comments to tell me what yout thing.


Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

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Posted In All, Sex and Intimacy | 139 comments

Why Men Love Blowjobs?
Why Men Love BlowJobs

This article is not meant to be rude or offensive in any way. My aim is to help women become better women, and part of this is helping women understand more about men, what men want and why they want it.
[D]espite this being a sensitive topic, I hope we can all approach it with a little light-heartedness and let us remember that oral sex has been around for many, many years. I am also not condoning promiscuity, nor telling women they have to give their man oral sex. Ultimately, this is the woman’s personal choice.

My message is not for promiscuity or casual sex; I do not condone this. I condone healthy, strong committed and passionate relationships where each party does not reject the sexual essence of the other, and they each understand how the masculine and feminine energies operate.

Just as men sometimes have difficulty understanding why women are such emotional creatures, and don’t know how to deal with our ‘ocean of emotion’, a lot of women have trouble understanding the reason behind men wanting sex/blow-jobs, and put a man’s interest in sex down to the fact that they’re pigs, or that that’s ‘all they care about’, that that is all they want, and think they’re self-serving creatures who want it just because it feels good.

It is also widely known that the male and female sex drive are hard to reconcile. Women sometimes have a lot of trouble opening up to their men, and put it down to the fact that they ‘just don’t feel like it’. This is fair enough, women have crazy hormonal cycles, and find it hard to make time to focus on sex sometimes. We all know sex is extremely important to most men, but we don’t all really know truly why this is the case.

In fact, if you want a man to totally and completely commit to you, then this type of sexual intimacy is going to increase the likelihood of that happening to you.

If we can all have a bit more understanding and appreciation for the male sex, this will make it a much smoother ride for all of us, and we’ll be able to experience more freedom in our intimate relationships, once we truly understand and honor the differences between the sexes, and respect and understand what fills them up rather than fear and reject a man’s need for sex.

Dispelling the myths
[N]o, it’s not JUST because it feels good. Although, this is definitely a part of why men love oral sex so much, too. At first instance, most women think that men love it because they don’t have to do anything themselves, and can just sit back wait for the woman to do all the work. Without being crass, as this is not my intention, if it was because they don’t have to do anything themselves, then why don’t men get their pet dog to do it for them?

Indeed, if you ask a man why he wants oral sex so much, he probably won’t always be able to articulate exactly why he does. Men aren’t always as good as women are at decoding and expressing their own feelings and needs.

To put it simply, and generally, the basic reason why men love being given oral sex is because it is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.

[T]he first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man oral sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man; having a woman give him oral sex.

The visual aspect of submission is also a factor. For example, if a woman kneels before a man, this indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.

Of course, the act of giving a man a blow job is a feminine act (if she cares about him), as a woman has to (at least to large extent) be in her feminine (although not always, as some women are closed when they do it, and do it out of obligation) in order to actually give him oral sex. It is possible to shut down and remove yourself from the experience and not be fully present with your man when you are doing it.

[I]n order to give a man oral sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in oral sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it.

In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman’s heart is not in it, and she’s doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.

The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.

The act of being given oral sex is a symbol of admiration…
[A]nother reason is that the act of being given oral sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man’s penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn’t love him.

Perceived Love

[W]omen often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc.

Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in being given oral sex and having sex in general. They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I’m not condoning casual sex here – I’m referring to those in a relationship).

There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well.

The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your man oral sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It’s the same in an intimate relationship.

Although you may not always perceive love in being given oral sex by him (at least not as much as he perceives love in being given oral sex), he perceives love. This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, which is why I am writing this post. It’s very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex.

And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: ‘Why is it all about the sex?!!” It isn’t. It’s about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration.

For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the ‘ungentlemanly’ side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.

A lot of men are afraid to ‘hurt’ their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection.

This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don’t want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It’s important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.

[W]e have already established that men don’t talk as much as women do in order to connect with other human beings. But why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don’t generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It’s hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved.

The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn’t let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. We are much more emotional creatures, and simply don’t need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too).

The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.

Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man a blow-job, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words).

They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to ‘hurt’ her.

The reality is that the masculine energy is very much driven by sex. This doesn’t have to mean that men always just want to have sex, no, no! Sexual energy can be used in many other ways to benefit an intimate relationship.

Living in your Feminine
[T]o put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.

It is much easier to have a healthy relationship when you understand this. As uncomfortable and difficult as it can be.

What do You think about this topic? Do you agree?

Read this no-nonsense article on giving a man oral sex.

Here is A Great Article For Women Who Have Never Given a Blow Job

January 5, 2012

This is a great guest post by a guy who only wants to be known as Larry. I respect that and offer his very understanding post to women who have never given their man a blow job and reassurance on how to handle it. Enjoy

John Wilder

Start of Guest Blog Post:

Fellatio (oral sex) need not be performed each and every time through ejaculation. It can be (and is) performed often as part of foreplay to intercourse. My thoughts presented here are for those times when the husband and the wife desire that the fellatio includes ejaculation. (Many married couples enjoy oral sex as a supplement to intercourse rather than as a substitute for it.)

Young women, who are new to the practice of fellatio, you do face a challenge when it comes to swallowing for your husband. In most cases, the young wife with a young husband (20s or 30s) is accepting and receiving significantly more semen than the middle aged wife with a husband in his 50s. The young wife, generally speaking, experiences more pulses of semen inside her mouth – with each pulse lasting longer and yielding more semen! As well, these pulses (shots) of semen (also known as “cum”) can be released inside her mouth with considerably greater force behind them. (I am in my early fifties now, and can remember having very strong ejaculations back in my 20s and 30s. These very gratifying ejaculations continued through several long, full (heavy) shots and produced a large volume of the cum.)

Until she gains experience with his ejaculatory process, and is comfortable with taking her husband’s penis in deeper so that the cum shoots down her throat, these forceful ejaculations can, for not a few women, be rather intimidating. It may seem to her that his ejaculation will go on and on as her husband keeps blissfully blasting away. And, some women simply are not able to take their husband in deeper due to penis size, mouth size, and/or sensitivity of gag reflex. For these wives, they have to become accustomed and comfortable with the seminal fluid “pooling” inside their mouth.

My point is this: young husbands, particularly those who ejaculate very strongly from the fellatio, need to be considerate of their wives and work with them so that the wife does not feel overwhelmed by the force and/or volume of his ejaculation. Couples can make adjustments and compromises so that the woman’s comfort and enjoyment are not lessened nor impaired by feeling as if she is “drowning” from a mouth full of cum. Open communication, trust, and respect are the keys!

(As an example of an option, wives, you can withdraw your husband’s penis from your mouth after the first few spurts if you feel the volume is becoming too much for you, and continue hand stroking him as he finishes on your breasts or neck. Realize that it is vitally important that you continue stimulating his penis so that his ejaculation can finish normally. To avoid any awkwardness and loss of stimulation at this time, be hand stroking his penis as you remove it from your mouth. Alternatively, and this is much better for your husband and can be easier for you as well, you can simply open or part your lips a bit more on his out-strokes, thus allowing some seminal fluid to drip or drain out. This way, as your husband pumps more semen into your mouth, some of it is being quickly removed. You really need not struggle to keep or contain his entire cum load completely within your mouth for the entire time. (It is not necessary to achieve that.) But, the fact that you are accepting and allowing his entire ejaculatory process to occur inside your mouth is very important both physically and emotionally for your husband. And remember: be sure to swallow as much cum as you comfortably and easily can! Please, no pulling an unhappy face, spitting into a tissue, or running to the bathroom to spit his ejaculate out. I will briefly discuss some other relevant aspects below.)

The husband needs to keep this is mind, and realize that as his loving wife gains experience and confidence, she will naturally enjoy the fellatio more and be more eager to perform it. His patience and consideration will likely be amply rewarded.

Ladies, the very special, shared emotional intimacy and exciting physical sensations of freely accepting and experiencing his ejaculation inside your mouth, and (quite naturally) swallowing the cum can – and ought to – be very enjoyable for you, as well as for your husband!

There are a few issues to touch on here as these do come up in the practice of fellatio and in discussions about it. Many women do have a reluctance to swallowing the ejaculate initially. Some are even opposed to accepting their husband’s ejaculation inside their mouth. This usually is a mental block and can be due to various fears. Wives, please consider some basic facts here and thereby eliminate these groundless and needless fears. If your husband is free of venereal diseases (STDs), there is no risk to you at all from swallowing his semen. Doctors (OB/GYNs) confirm this. You may wonder, just what is in that white viscous liquid that your husband happily blasts out on a daily basis? Seminal fluid is made up of water, proteins, sugars, various enzymes, minerals, vitamins, and (millions of) sperm cells. It is therefore not toxic! (By the way, the sperm cells are just that – tiny human sex cells (DNA). These sperm cells are not quasi human beings.) As to taste and texture of the cum, as you gain familiarity with these they are not likely to be a problem for you. Allowing for individual preferences, you will either be indifferent to these or may find the taste and texture quite pleasing and/or even mildly to highly erotic. When you remove the mental anxiety caused by these fears, freely accepting his ejaculation and swallowing become easier and readily appear as the natural things to do. You are then free to share and enjoy this very intimate, loving, and exciting experience with your husband.

Each couple can experiment with different positions so that one (or more) can be found that allows for easy swallowing. The wife can then switch to this position as ejaculation approaches. The husband can signal his wife when he is close to climaxing. A simple light tap on the shoulder, or on her hands, could be the cue she needs. Or a verbal warning can be used. If taking his penis to the back of her mouth and into the throat is not possible or is not desired, she can try to learn to swallow quickly after each spurt. With some practice, this is not as difficult as it sounds, and has the highly desirable

advantage of permitting the wife to swallow all of the semen, without letting any fall or drip away, even while her husband has a very long ejaculation. (If she desires, the wife can keep a glass of water or juice nearby for drinking after swallowing. This rinses away any remaining semen taste.)

Wives, when you are comfortable and confident with all aspects of the oral sex, you will then desire that your husband experiences a satisfying, strong and complete ejaculation from it. You will both look forward to this mutually desired outcome. When you, by your loving and playful efforts, bring him to this point, you and he will relish the sharing of the special moments. Your husband will know that you completely accept him and everything about him. And a man, needless to say, greatly enjoys ejaculating away inside his wife’s sensuous mouth, forcefully pumping all he has inside for her, and derives great emotional satisfaction when she welcomes this! Besides the emotional closeness, you will find that the control you have in bringing him to his climax is empowering, and will likely find the physical sensations of his spurts inside your mouth to be exciting and pleasurable.

As you continue sucking and/or stroking while he is ejaculating, if you can, gaze up into his eyes to show him that you value this sharing of his ejaculation. That semen is only for you. You both know this, and you want it. You are now comfortable and confident with his ejaculation, and do not hesitate in swallowing as he cums, or saving all the cum – as large a volume as it may be – until he is finished and then enthusiastically taking it down all at once.

Your swallowing is the exclamation point you give to your enitre tender, loving, and complete fellatio. Young wives, when you eagerly swallow for your husband, you are saying to him “I love you! I love your penis! And I love your cum (semen)!” That is being the best wife you can be for your loving husband. You have learned to enjoy this very intimate and special form of lovemaking. And your marriage bond will be stronger and better. (So my advice for the young wife is that you happily swallow all of his semen each and every time that you bring him to ejaculating inside your mouth. You will be (pleasantly) surprised at how easy this becomes with a little experience. You will find yourself swallowing his cum without really giving it a thought – it will be that natural to you to do. For those times, when you desire not to swallow, simply do not bring him to ejaculation inside your mouth. Keep the communication going and switch to intercourse, or have him ejaculate on to your body if you enjoy seeing him ejaculating. I really do hope this essay proves helpful to many married couples. Thank you for reading.)

One last point that I feel I should mention. There have been some concerns about throat cancer being caused by fellatio. Please note: it is not that the act of fellatio, by itself, poses such risks. If your husband has not been exposed to the strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer, there is no risk of this for you. If the head of his penis is free from the strains of HP Virus that are responsible for causing cancer, then again there is no risk of harm to you by performing fellatio. Past sexual history is therefore a crucial factor here. Not every man has been exposed to HPV, but it is out there and less rare than one might think. I do not know if there is a test for this to determine if a man carries the harmful strains of HPV. Common sense would dictate that husbands and wives should discuss this and be honest with one another. Common sense also leads one to the obvious conclusion that the risk of exposure is increased when one has had a larger number of past sexual partners. (When the bride and groom are virgins on their wedding day, there are no health risks or concerns at all.)

Yea 60,000 Page Views Thanks To My Readers

January 4, 2012

I am deeply gratified to go over 60,000 page views today. By the time that you read this
it will be. I only need 36 more page views as of this minute to go over 60,000. I have been
averaging over 200 page views per day for the last few months.

I have been contacted by many people. Some young women who still don’t know how to masturbate
and want to know and have come to me for instruction. Some couples who are having trouble with
their sex lives and I helped them. Some people who are having trouble with their marriages
and fighting and I helped them.

Some women who are having trouble with their men and I helped them.

I have also had a few women attack me for the frank nature of my sexual blogs.
They are victims of over zealous parents and pastors who have beat into their
heads that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. They
never bothered to teach them all the sex positive messages in the Bible.

If you are interested in Sex Positive messages from the Bible check out my blog
post entitled Sex and The Bible, Amazing Sex Positive Messages.

I also appreciate people who want to guest post on here and am always
open to new guest posters. The most amazing is a young woman who has
written my all time favorite and most widely read blog post entitled
Giving Him The Ultimate Blow Job, Letting Him Come In Your Mouth and
Swallowing. It has literally been responsible for thousands of
page views and is almost always the number one read blog post for the day.

I also appreciate those of you who have referred my blog to their friends
and relatives. Also please no that I offer help and offer an amazing
money back guarantee that you won’t get from any other counselor.

So Happy New Year, it holds great promise for my blog and if there
is a subject that you would like for me to cover in my blog
drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

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