Mistakes Men Make In Their Love Relationships

April 6, 2012

What Women Want In Relationship and Mistakes That Men Make

I have been accused by some women that I am a misogynist because I write about mistakes that women make in relationships. I do write more about that than anything else because no one else has the courage to suffer the slings and arrows that I do.
I am not anti woman or a misogynist, I am simply pointing out the common mistakes that women make in their relationships with men. It is just like Sex and The City where Carrie is clueless about men and goes to her gal pals who are equally clueless looking for answers. The problem is that they don’t have the answers. It would be like a guy going to his buddies and asking a guy what it feels like for a woman to be pregnant.

I try to be a resource for women to show them a better way based upon a lot of complaints made by men in my practice and on my blog. But to be fair, I need to take men on for the complaints that women make about men. This is only fair.

First men need to be mature. You need to be ready to commit to a relationship. You need to commit fully to it. You need to have a good job to be able to support a family.
You need to be strong emotionally and emotionally mature. You need to be strong and yet gentle respecting the woman and not trying to bully her. She is your equal and not a possession under your thumb. Never ever use your superior strength against her, it is designed to protect her not to beat her with.

You need to be ready for a family and study on what it means to be a good father as well as a good husband. You need to share the remote letting her watch her own shows in addition to your sports and blow em up movies. That means maybe also taking her to a musical , ballet, or symphony occasionally.

Be willing to go shopping with her at least occasionally and let her try on clothes while you watch and tell her what you like.

When problems arise, be willing to talk them out rationally instead of trying to bully her with shouting, pouting or emotionally withdrawing.

When it comes to sex, far too many men are about getting her done, but it really means is getting yourself done, and letting her needs go by the wayside. When it comes to orgasms, it is always ladies first. Don’t just roll over and go to sleep, but hold her and assure her that you love her, hold her and talk to her afterwards. Women want to feel loved and that you are making love with her instead of just using her as a piece of meat.
You need to be in it for the long haul and not look to other women when the going gets tough.

Well women , I invite you to share your thoughts with what I have written. Have I missed anything? Here is your time to explain what I missed. Just be nice in your comments because I was rooting for your team this time.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
This is my new personal credo. Follow the link to another great blogger.

http://stewart-little.com/

The Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership
Posted on August 24, 2010 by stewartmccoy

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.


75 Ways To Show Love For Your Partner

February 17, 2012

This is from my favorite blogger on the internet. For some of you women who have attacked me recently it might surprise you to know that the author of this blog is a woman whom I greatly admire.
Read and enjoy and give love to your partner.
John Wilder

Busy & Living Pretty

75 Ways to Show Love
Posted on February 15, 2012 by A

If you’re married or in a serious relationship, you’re no stranger to the phrase, “I love you.” You can say those 3 little words to your partner one million times, but we all know that it has to be followed up with action.

Showing love isn’t an exact science. We all speak different love languages, so you may show love in a way that your spouse doesn’t understand (and vice versa). Well, it doesn’t have to remain that way.

Happy couples’ love for each other and dedication to the relationship lead to many adjustments in the way they show love to each other. If what you’re doing isn’t working for your relationship, it may be time to change your approach. Use this list of 75 ways to show love as a guide to loving your mate in a way that may save your relationship or just take it to a new level of awesomeness.

1. A kiss on the forehead
2. Uninterrupted quality time
3. A note under the pillow
4. Tell him when he looks masculine, sexy, or hot
5. Turn a regular day into an All-About-You day just for your mate
6. Breakfast served in bed
7. A romantic picnic indoors
8. An unexpected dinner cruise
9. Propose marriage on one knee
10. Don’t complain when he leaves the toilet seat up
11. A rose on the pillow
12. Tell her she’s beautiful
13. Pour on the chivalry (open doors, pull her chair out)
14. A bubble bath with rose petals and her favorite scented candles
15. Verbalize what your relationship means to you
16. Surprise her with her favorite flowers and candy
17. An “I love you because…” list
18. PDA (public displays of affection)
19. Heart shaped pancakes or cookies
20. A walk in the park together
21. Hold your beloved a little tighter and longer than usual
22. Do some of his/her chores
23. A handwritten card sprayed with your scent
24. Spoil each other
25. Renew your marriage vows
26. Be first to say “I’m sorry” after an argument
27. Personalize (i.e. engrave) gifts
28. Place an “I love you” flyer under the car’s windshield wiper
29. Send a surprise gift to his/her workplace
30. Support each other’s dreams
31. Make love slowly, passionately
32. Run his bath water
33. Give your spouse space when needed
34. Buy her feminine hygiene products (before she asks)
35. Bring him a cold beer while he watches football
36. Put a love note in her purse
37. Hold hands
38. Take showers together and wash each other’s back (or whole body)
39. Look deeply into your lover’s eyes
40. Always kiss goodbye and goodnight
41. Boast about your mate and your relationship to mutual friends
42. Arrange for a babysitter so you can have an unexpected date night
43. Say how much you love each other even if you think it’s known
44. Use cute pet names for each other
45. Rub your noses together
46. Remember to say thank you (often)
47. Excuse each other’s mistakes
48. Meditate together
49. Sleep in his t-shirt
50. Wash her hair
51. Step outside of traditional gender roles to help each other (Cook dinner for her; take the trash out for him)
52. Verbally reassure your lover
53. Take photographs as a couple
54. Give up the last piece of food on your plate
55. Write a short fairy tale using you and your mate as the characters (Once upon a time…”)
56. Listen more intently
57. Flirt with each other
58. Sing your significant other a love song
59. Get up early to help him/her get ready for work
60. Say “I adore you”
61. Watch a chic flick with her
62. Kiss your mate somewhere you never thought to kiss before (i.e. elbow, knee, toe)
63. Initiate affection (hugs, kisses, spooning)
64. Take good care of yourself so that you’re at your best for the one you love
65. A handmade gift or card
66. Write a sweet message on a fogged-up mirror so he/she will see it after exiting the shower
67. Cook your significant other’s’ favorite meal
68. Feed each other chocolate covered strawberries
69. Cuddle by the fireplace
70. Laugh and have fun with each other
71. Rub his/her feet
72. Create a scrapbook together
73. Start a hobby together
74. Dance indoors to your favorite song
75. Ask about each other’s day

Healthy relationships survive because both partners keep trying. They know the secret–that love is a verb. Loving your spouse or lover means taking action to help keep love (the feeling) alive and flourishing.

Source: http://blog.self-improvement-saga.com/2010/09/ways-to-show-love/


The Single Biggest Mistake That Women Make In Their Men Relationships

February 10, 2012

Okay ladies, I am going to give you an inside look at the male psyche.

MEN NEED RESPECT EVEN MORE THAN THEY NEED SEX!

Lack of respect shows up in many ways. The number one complaint that I get about women from men in my
practice is that they don’t make it safe for men to tell them the truth. If a man makes a comment that can in any way be construed by the woman as negative about her, invariably she goes on the attack; yelling, screaming, name calling and/or crying. The goal of course is to teach that “no good man” to never ever critique her again. Men learn the lesson all too well and learn to seethe in silence. All you have done is to effectively KILL THE INTIMACY between the two of you.

You must learn to be willing to listen to anything that he says and give him SAFE HARBOR to say anything to you. If you don’t all you do is cause him to lie to you or just shut down his emotions. You women don’t have any problem at all telling your guy what is wrong with him and what you would like for him to do to change it. IT IS NOT FAIR and builds real resentment towards you. You are KILLING YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP by this practice.

Another thing that is common to women disrespecting their husbands is belittling his sexuality with negative comments like: What are you some kind of pervert, is that all you ever think about? A man is at his most emotionally vulnerable place when he approaches you for sex. Inside every grown man is a little boy whose feelings are CRUSHED when you say hateful hurtful things to him. We are taught not to show our emotions but we definitely FEEL THEM and resent you for making us keep them inside. In fact studies have shown that the average married woman with kids at home keep their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less when the average guy needs it 3 times a week. You need to take better care of your man.

Men want to be appreciated for the things that they do to try and take care of you. If you want more of that, say thank you and tell him that you really appreciate what he does for you and MEAN IT!

Tell him how good looking he is to you and mean it. Tell him how good he is with the kids. Don’t be anal about what he does to help around the house. I once worked with a famous book author who refolded the towels after her husband had folded them and put them away. He said that the did not mind helping but she did not get to dictate how it got done. Relax, it is not worth battling over. You need to learn to choose your battles. There is really not that much worth fighting about and hurting your husbands feelings over.

The relationship that you save could be your own.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Sex Is Better Than Drugs Or Booze, You Need To Have It More

February 3, 2012

Sex Is Good For You, Why Are You Not Having More?

Sex is Good For You
________________________________________
Sex is one of those things that can make your life soar, or cause you untold grief and heartache. You have a choice in the matter so why not work to make it fantastic? Sex is one of the big three that couples fight about. Why not stop fighting and just start having sex? Couples fight because someone is not getting their needs taken care of.

When you have an orgasm, your body releases endorphins to the brain. Those endorphins have the ability to lessen pain. Endorphins create an elevated mood. Endorphins help prevent clinical depression. It can also help prevent post-partum depression. Frequent orgasms promotes positive bonding between men and women. Think back early in your relationship when you were having sex frequently. Remember how tightly bonded the two of you were?

Frequent sex helps control weight and is equivalent to a workout in a gym, burning an average of over 200 calories. You say you don’t have time to go to the gym, well you can always make time to have sex with your partner at home and it saves gas going to and from the gym. Frequent sex like frequent exercise actually helps to lessen your appetite for food. So often people substitute food for sex. You are better off substituting sex for food.

Frequent sex helps the body’s immune system to fight off disease. Frequent sex creates strong bonds between a man and a woman and helps to prevent divorce and makes cheating much less likely. Sex helps prevent prostate cancer. Frequent sex has been documented to help prevent heart disease and heart attacks. Sex after a heart attack is not only recommended by cardiologists but helps to strengthen the heart. Frequent sex is commanded and commended in the Bible. Frequent sex helps women avoid osteoporosis. People go to the gym to do workouts. One of the suggested exercises is deep knee squats. If women will have their man lay on the floor, she can do deep knee squats over him as she is having sex with him. This tightens the butt, calves, thighs and tummy

Imagine doing a workout and having sex at the same time. You get a two for one benefit. Having sex with a man and having your legs lifted in the air or draped over his shoulders keeps you flexible

Doing pelvic thrusts is good for the tummy and lower back muscles. Having a man fondle and play with a woman’s boobs could help discover any knots or growths in her breasts and could save your life.

Doing Kegel exercises during sex can prevent incontinence later in life.

Doing Kegel exercises during sex can serve to make you more highly orgasmic and definitely improves the quality of sex for both the man and the woman. Frequent satisfying sex improves work productivity.

Frequent climaxes have served women to help shrink their uterus and abdomen more quickly after childbirth.

Frequent sex helps to promote restful and recuperative sleep.

Sex can comfort a person when they are sad and depressed. Sex is a wonderful way to celebrate a positive life event. It truly is a wonderful cure-all if couples will just stop refusing sex and let go and take care of their mate. There is also nothing more lonely, hurtful and depressing to have to masturbate because your partner refuses you. When you have a choice to do good or be self-centered, choose to do good. You will feel better about yourself. Finally in the chapter on Sex and The Bible, frequent and great sex is commanded and commended by God.


Yea 60,000 Page Views Thanks To My Readers

January 4, 2012

I am deeply gratified to go over 60,000 page views today. By the time that you read this
it will be. I only need 36 more page views as of this minute to go over 60,000. I have been
averaging over 200 page views per day for the last few months.

I have been contacted by many people. Some young women who still don’t know how to masturbate
and want to know and have come to me for instruction. Some couples who are having trouble with
their sex lives and I helped them. Some people who are having trouble with their marriages
and fighting and I helped them.

Some women who are having trouble with their men and I helped them.

I have also had a few women attack me for the frank nature of my sexual blogs.
They are victims of over zealous parents and pastors who have beat into their
heads that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. They
never bothered to teach them all the sex positive messages in the Bible.

If you are interested in Sex Positive messages from the Bible check out my blog
post entitled Sex and The Bible, Amazing Sex Positive Messages.

I also appreciate people who want to guest post on here and am always
open to new guest posters. The most amazing is a young woman who has
written my all time favorite and most widely read blog post entitled
Giving Him The Ultimate Blow Job, Letting Him Come In Your Mouth and
Swallowing. It has literally been responsible for thousands of
page views and is almost always the number one read blog post for the day.

I also appreciate those of you who have referred my blog to their friends
and relatives. Also please no that I offer help and offer an amazing
money back guarantee that you won’t get from any other counselor.

So Happy New Year, it holds great promise for my blog and if there
is a subject that you would like for me to cover in my blog
drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Sex Advice For Single Men

September 27, 2011

Sexual Advice For Single Men
Many of you have the attitude that I had in my twenties. I had this juvenile attitude that the more women I got to have sex with me made me a better man or defined me as a stud. I even decided to start a panty collection of all of the women that I had sex with so that I had visual proof of my conquests. Society reinforces that attitude with a knowing nod to the notion that “boys will be boys”. That somehow boys need to “sow wild oats”. Hugh Hefner became an iconic figure in our society with that same philosophy. Considering the very definition of a “playboy” (insert definition here) conjures up the notion that he is immature, self centered and irresponsible.

In science, there is a rule that states: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. What I failed to realize at first was that my attitude made me very self-centered and narcissistic. I had no care or concern about the women with whom I had sex. I did not care about their feelings about being used and tossed aside like a dirty piece of laundry. At least with my dirty laundry, I picked it up, washed it and continued to wear the clothes. With the women, they were tossed aside while I was looking for the next conquest.

What happens is that for every woman that you use, you and she become more jaded and callous. No one trusts anyone anymore. Because of this, it becomes harder and harder to commit to a person. People are constantly afraid of being discarded. For a relationship to truly work, you need people to be committed 100% not a 50-50 relationship. A 50-50 relationship indicates that both people are only half-heartedly committed and ready to bail at any time. You need security in a relationship as does the woman. Sex between a man and a woman creates a bond. When you so casually toss aside that bond, it indicates that you are not trustworthy and that you are just willing to selfishly use someone for your own gratification and care nothing for her feelings.

Now I know that there are a certain number of you reading my book to learn new techniques to pleasure a woman better and give her more orgasms. That is a good thing. The bad thing is that some of you are only reading it to learn new techniques so as to be more effective at being promiscuous. No one really respects someone who is promiscuous.

I wrote this book to help people be better at their relationships and strengthen their relationships. The real definition of being a man is someone who can be counted on for the long haul. A man who leads his life as an example of integrity and absolute honesty. That old fashioned notion of your word is your bond.

The very definition of love is putting the other person’s needs first. You need to be bringing a woman to a few orgasms before you climb on and get yours and leave her unfulfilled and frustrated. If you get off and don’t get her off, you are just using her and that is not love or making love.

That attitude was the founding principle for the Christian organization called Promise Keepers. It is also the guiding principle for a national ministry called: The National Center for Fathering, founded by Dr. Ken Canfield. Dr. Canfield says that not only is it important to honor your promises and commitments to your wife, but it is even more important to honor them to your children.

None of that is possible or likely if you are being self-centered and narcissistic. You need to put your woman and children first and be committed to them. I wrote this so that you could use the information to better please your woman in bed so that she would be more willing to give you the sex that you want when you want it. The purpose is to strengthen the relationship. Great sex tends to really bond and strengthen the relationship. If you just use it for sex without the corresponding commitment, then it becomes a self-centered waste.

The Bible has some instructions for all of us men in the following scriptural references:

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it;…so men out men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church;…For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh…Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; Ephesians 5: 25,28,29,31,33<

Likewise you husbands, dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers might not be hindered. I Peter 3:7

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking who he may destroy. I Peter 5:8

I will give you similar advice that I gave to the single women in the preceding chapter. People have become far too promiscuous. Not only is it immoral, but it is dangerous. We have epidemic venereal diseases in the world. You don’t want to be playing “Russian Roulette” with your life and health. Before you engage in sex with a woman, you should have her produce a very recent negative Aids and venereal disease test. You should also be questioning her about her hopes and dreams about love, marriage and children. There are more and more women out there looking for recreational sex and are not serious about marriage. You need to find out how supportive she would be of you and how nurturing. Before you actually have sex with her, it would behoove you to find out how she would respond in bed. Will she give you blow jobs? What does she think is an appropriate number of times a week to have sex? Will she talk dirty in bed to you? There are a lot of women out there who are very prudish about sex and unwilling to change. 60% of the women out there have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less. Don’t you think that it would be good for you to find that out before having sex with her? If she is not even willing to have a conversation with you about it, you don’t want her anyway. Couples have fights about the BIG THREE: MONEY, SEX AND KIDS.

Too many women out there practice the policy of not talking about sex before she has sex with a man and hoping for the best. This is part of her notions about sex being spontaneous. She does not want to think about it in advance because of her guilt over sex. If she does not talk to you about it before having sex with you, she feels somewhat resolved over her guilt and tells herself that it “just happened”. It is further complicated that she still has that romantic notion of the “knight in shining armor” sweeping her off of her feet and then wanting to keep her. Too often it is these kinds of thoughts and notions that are on her mind when she goes to bed with you.

I would suggest on the second or third date to have the conversation with her about sex if you have an interest in her and that you feel that she has an interest in you. If she asks you why you are initiating a conversation about sex when you have not even had sex with her, you can honestly answer that: You feel that sex is important and should not be entered into lightly or irresponsibly. Since this is the way that you feel and that you want to respect her by not having sex with her if you realize that the relationship is not going to be compatible, you want to spare her feelings of having sex with her and not continuing into a relationship. You are trying to spare her feelings. It gives her a way to preview you as well as you previewing how she would react. It is only by talking with each other and getting a feel about their sexual style can you evaluate if you want to pursue the relationship any further. It saves hurt feelings and the notion of having been used for sex. It is honest and shows integrity. If she fiercely resists an honest conversation you need to pass any way. The foundation of a good relationship you can tell her is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other, especially over important topics like sex. The key to fantastic mind blowing sex is in a committed relationship where both parties in the relationship practice 100-100 comitment. It is not found in casual promiscuous sex. I am suggesting to you that the essence of being a true man is someone who can be counted upon for honesty and integrity. You can’t be that kind of man and practice casual sex for your own selfish gratification. A good marriage is the best possible solution for you. Let me quote some others on why you should seek to be married:

According to David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead who are co-directors of the Marriage Project at Rutgers university, they have found the following factors yield the best chance at long-lasting satisfying marriage: having similar goals and interests, know each other well but don’t live together before they get married, come from intact families, marry after age 25, and are not expecting a child, similar in age, race, religion, political beliefs, education, intelligence and values. The payoff of a good marriage is personal happiness, more and better sex than singles, economic success, health and long life, and very positive benefits for the children.

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How To Keep Your Marriage Strong In Spite of Kids, Have Sex More

August 26, 2011

This is another great guest post from WebMd

Raising kids isn’t easy. Do you know the keys to staying happily married with children?

By Susan Davis
WebMD Health News

Ah, the joys of raising children: The pitter-patter of little feet, the tiny plump hands slipped into yours, the first day of school…and the bitter arguments with your spouse over who gets to go to the gym after work tonight.

While children are wonderful, there’s no question that their arrival can put strains on a marriage. Between the lack of sleep, fragmented attention, and, in some cases, strained finances, parents often find themselves losing the connection that brought them together in the first place — if not fighting like cats and dogs over who does more housework, who pays more bills, and who knows best how to raise a child.

A recent study of 218 couples over the first eight years of marriage found a sudden negative aspect to measures such as relationship satisfaction once couples became parents, compared to those who didn’t. And while the researchers found that childless marriages also lose some luster over time, having babies takes the shine off faster than when couples remain child-free.

The Importance of the Marital Bond

“The writer Nora Ephron once said, ‘Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage,'” says Charles Schmitz, PhD. “I’ve always thought that was pretty apt.” Schmitz, who is dean emeritus of counseling and family therapy at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, and his wife, Elizabeth Schmitz, EdD, president of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC, have studied thousands of couples in 45 countries in their search for the secrets to a happy marriage. And one of the key ones, they say, is figuring out what your priorities are and should be.

“The relationship between husband and wife should trump everything else,” Charles says. “You have to keep it strong, keep the romantic energy. Everything else comes from that. Children are beautiful, but they’re not the sole purpose of marriage.”

That’s why, they say, when married-with-children couples start to bicker or grow apart, it’s time to change the patterns they have fallen into. “We believe that sometimes you have to jolt your marriage from negative to positive,” Elizabeth says.

“If your husband comes home and you immediately start arguing about housework, you have to change the conversation. Don’t start with complaints. Start with an expression of appreciation.”

Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz traveled the world to study thousands of successful couples. Their book, Building a Love That Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage, details what they learned, including these findings:

Time in — Whether it’s a date night, a walk in the park, or going for a bike ride, “you have to spend time together to keep the flame alive,” Elizabeth says. “You have to allow time for each other.”

Time out — Conversely, alone time is also crucial. “In the best marriages, spouses allow each other time for solitude, so they can think private thoughts or just get things done,” Elizabeth says.

Touchy, touchy — Successful couples use the “Morse code of marriage,” Charles says. “It’s called touching. It’s a substitute for talking about feelings. You are saying, ‘I love you so much I have to touch you.'”

SOURCES: Doss, B. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2009; vol 96: pp 601-619. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, authors, Building a Love that Lasts: The 7 Secrets of a Happy Marriage. ©2011 WebMD, LLC. All Rights Reserved.


Tell Tale Signs To Watch For in Initial Dating That Reveal a Person’s Character

August 20, 2011

Figure out your date quickly

By Amy Spencer

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This is a great guest post from Match.com. I would like to add that how a man tips and treats wait staff is an important show of
character. Ask a woman to wear a dress to your first date and then note her reaction. If she agrees then she is a good choice
if she gets all angry then better to just ditch that first date and keep on looking. This simple question will reveal much
about her character and how she is at giving you you desires and wants.

Go ahead, Google your date all you want. But the fact is, you can find out even more about that special someone by sharing a few particularly telling date-night activities together. Certain activities, you see, bring out the best or worst in people — and contain hidden clues about how he or she will treat you. Suggest doing one of these things during your time together and you’ll have plenty of information!

Activity #1: Share a communal meal
Instead of choosing the standard dinner fare, take your date to a place that encourages — or better yet, requires — that you share what you order, whether that’s fondue, Korean barbecue, or tapas. Suddenly, the “I’ll order mine, you order yours” rule is out the window, so you’ll get the real scoop on how well he or she can compromise. When you suggest something exotic, does your date seem open to it or make a face while steering you toward something else on the menu? Once the food arrives, there’s more to learn. Those who get territorial about the dish they wanted or seem leery of infringing on “yours” or “your half” all suggest that the give-and-take that relationships require won’t come naturally, warns Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation. The true keepers are those who will voluntarily dump the last morsel on your plate and won’t mind if you’ve double-dipped. (After all, if your date can’t handle sharing a little saliva over nachos and salsa, how is this person ever going to handle more intimate moments, like kissing?)

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Activity #2: Play a game
Want to know how your date plays the game of life? Pit yourself against your partner in pool, darts, miniature golf, or stay home and have a battle on the Xbox or Kinect. As you’re playing, ask yourself: Is your date playful or serious about scoring? Does this person curse when losing or gloat when winning? “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to win, but you’ll learn a lot if your date has to win,” points out Sharyn Wolf, a Manhattan psychotherapist and the author of Guerilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips and Secrets for Finding Romance. If your date’s got a serious competitive streak, you’d be fooling yourself to think it doesn’t carry over to other areas — like his or her love life. “These people will see arguments as win/lose propositions, too, and they won’t quit until they’ve won,” warns Kerner. If, however, your date cheers you on when you score a point, that’s a sign of a truly supportive partner, so take note.

Activity #3: Put on your dancing shoes
The next time you’re out, consider dragging your date onto the dance floor — and fear not, this isn’t about having a dance-off. In fact, seeing your date getting down isn’t even about the dancing; rather, it’s about his or her willingness to dance in the first place. “There’s nothing that makes a person more self-conscious than dancing — especially men,” says Wolf. “If your date dances, this shows that the person’s good at surrendering, at not being in complete control in front of others, and that he or she is less concerned about what others will think.” Which is all good information to have!

Activity #4: Take a stroll
Instead of sitting down for a movie or a cup of coffee, step outdoors for a walk through a park and see what happens. Can you two keep the conversation going away from music, food and people-watching? “It’s life without props,” points out Kerner. See how your date handles any lulls in the conversation. The longer this person can wait before filling in the silence, the more comfortable your date is in his or her own skin — and the lower the chances are that what you’re seeing is just a “front” this person has put up in order to impress you.

Activity #5: Go for a drive together
The next time your date offers to drive you somewhere, pay attention to how he or she reacts on the road. “Driving is very, very revealing,” says body language expert Patti Wood (pattiwood.net). “Years ago, I was on a first date with a man who’d turn left at yellow lights and took lots of risks on the road. That told me he was a person who would always live a little on the edge.” Other insights from Wood: lane-changers will probably always be on the lookout for someone better-looking, smarter or richer than you. Picky parkers who always want to go around one more time to see if they can snag a closer spot probably have problems with commitment. Herky-jerky drivers who accelerate and brake so quickly they leave your stomach queasy may have a poor sense of pacing in all areas of their lives. Plus, if you’re driving, see how he or she handles it; nagging that you should slow down, speed up, or otherwise do things differently is a sign this person probably won’t love you just the way you are (starting with your bad driving).

Amy Spencer writes for Glamour, Maxim, New York and Real Simple


13 Common Phrases To Light Her Fire

August 4, 2011

Hey Guys, this is a great guest post from Men’s Health on how to get more sex. REad it and pay attention to the tips and
you could be getting more nookie. Blessings on you and yours, John Wilder

13 SEXIEST THINGS TO SAY TO A WOMAN

Confession: I have a weakness for sexy, playful banter. I’m a sucker for a man with a silver tongue, and I go wild for a guy who can give great e-mail. Call it a verbal, oral, aural, or literary fixation—you’d be right. The fact is, a guy who can talk sweet, dirty, thoughtful, and well has a hell of a lot better chance with me than a guy more prone to silence. And I’m not alone, fellas. Click here for 13 ways to woo any woman with words. If you can make her melt with your mouth, you stand a much better shot at locking lips.

XO, Naomi
Relationships are funny things: One partner can be cruising along thinking everything’s just fine and dandy, and the other can be curling up inside like a poinsettia after New Year’s. One of us is sure we’re on the right track, while the other is wondering, “Why don’t we talk anymore?” And more often than not, it’s the female cohort who’s dying for more—more communication, more intimacy, more verbal acknowledgment that you’re committed to her happiness.

The reason is simple: When it comes to communication, women are like tropical plants, and men are like cacti. Studies suggest that the average woman speaks 7,000 words a day. The average man mutters just 2,000, and half of those are spoken to clients, colleagues, or the electronic image of John Madden. And it’s that discrepancy between our verbal styles and needs that can turn a once-hot relationship into yesterday’s oatmeal.

Want proof? Researchers at the University of Washington say they can predict with 90 percent accuracy whether couples will divorce or stay married simply by listening to them talk for a few minutes. After reviewing data from more than 500 couples in discussion, psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., of the University of Washington’s Relationship Research Institute, and applied mathematicians James Murray and Kristin Swanson have come up with a mathematical model that can predict likelihood of divorce. They dub it the “Dow Jones Industrial Average for marital conversation.” A 5-to-1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones indicates a healthy marriage, they say. A ratio lower than that suggests trouble ahead.

A simple rule of thumb, then, is to talk more, share more, and be more open with your emotions. But telling a guy to share more is like telling him to eat less meat: Simple in concept, but not so tasty in practice. The solution is to maximize the communication you do have—to know a few simple phrases that will warm her heart and a few other intimate places, as well. If things feel a little chilly, a little distant, or a little lacking in boudoir beatitude, try speaking up. Here’s what to say.

“I’m so glad . . . ”

“I’m so glad we ended up together.”

Every long-term relationship is a celebration of two people beating the odds. But the longer the two of you are together, the more couples you’ll know who didn’t make it.
Each time a friend or neighbor goes through a divorce, it can send one or both of you looking for cracks in your own marriage. And that can have a dampening effect on your wife’s sex drive. Consider a recent survey that asked 2,000 women for the key factor in deciding whether or not they will sleep with a partner: Forty-six percent responded “knowing where the relationship is

• People if they can’t have their way will opt out of doing things that brought you two closer in the first place.
• headed.”

To rekindle her desire, focus her attention on the commitment you’ve made to her. The house, the kids, the wedding album—they’re all still there, but she needs spoken evidence

“I understand how important this is to you.”

Women gauge the health of a relationship by how well they think you understand them, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.

And one of the ways to communicate understanding to your partner is not to spring into action every time she expresses concern about something—a common male default. Instead of saying “here’s how we fix this,” simply listen to her and acknowledge that you understand her concern, even if you disagree with it. Listening and understanding are powerful validations of how much you respect her.

“Let me tell you . .

“Let me tell you how my presentation went.”

When she asks how your day went, she doesn’t want to hear “fine, and yours?” She wants details, not a highlight reel. To maximize the effectiveness, frame things in terms of your emotional reactions: “I was nervous when they didn’t jump at the offer, but I felt excited when they realized I was right.”

“She needs to hear you talk about your feelings as best you can. You’ll be amazed at what revealing your feelings can do for the level of intimacy between you,” says Les Parrott III, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk

“I’m so glad . . . ”

“I’m so glad we ended up together.”

Every long-term relationship is a celebration of two people beating the odds. But the longer the two of you are together, the more couples you’ll know who didn’t make it.

Each time a friend or neighbor goes through a divorce, it can send one or both of you looking for cracks in your own marriage. And that can have a dampening effect on your wife’s sex drive. Consider a recent survey that asked 2,000 women for the key factor in deciding whether or not they will sleep with a partner: Forty-six percent responded “knowing where the relationship is headed.”

To rekindle her desire, focus her attention on the commitment you’ve made to her. The house, the kids, the wedding album—they’re all still there, but she needs spoken evidence, too.

I understand . . . ”

“I understand how important this is to you.”

Women gauge the health of a relationship by how well they think you understand them, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.

And one of the ways to communicate understanding to your partner is not to spring into action every time she expresses concern about something—a common male default. Instead of saying “here’s how we fix this,” simply listen to her and acknowledge that you understand her concern, even if you disagree with it. Listening and understanding are powerful validations of how much you respect her.

“Let’s talk about . . . ”

“Let’s talk about Jenny’s grades tomorrow. Tonight should just be about us.”

In bed, focus on each other and the moment as much as possible, whether or not it leads to sex. “Don’t bring critical conversations into the bed. These are some of the most important minutes in your relationship each day,” says Parrott.

I’ve been fantasizing . . . ”

“I’ve been fantasizing about making you feel good.”

Here’s a shocker: When it comes to sexual fantasies, women are more selfish than men. In a University of California at Santa Cruz survey of 85 men and 77 women ages 21 to 45, more than two-thirds of the men said they fantasized about pleasing their partners, while more than half of the women fantasized about their own pleasure.

“Women focus on themselves in fantasy because in real life the man’s pleasure is prioritized,” says study author Eileen Zubriggan, Ph.D. Key in to her fantasy; let her know her wish is your command.

“I’m taking you . . . ”

“Put the 14th on your calendar; I’m taking you away.”

Tune in to your wife’s sexual calendar by timing her menstrual cycle, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Then time your romantic weekends accordingly. Ovulation raises testosterone levels, which makes some women extremely horny during their most fertile days.

The science: A recent study of 68 sexually active women published in the Journal of Human Reproduction revealed elevated levels of testosterone and an average 24 percent increase in frequency of intercourse during the 6 days leading up to each woman’s ovulation.

Calculate the start of this magic window by counting 2 weeks after she begins her period and subtracting 6 days.

“I’ll draw you . . . ”

“I’ll draw you a bath.”

“Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of work and family life and feeling sexual,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “A few minutes of foreplay usually aren’t enough.”

After a few years together, men tend to start shortening foreplay, but the average woman takes 27 minutes to reach orgasm. A warm bath is a good place to start.

“You deserve . . . ”

“You deserve a long weekend with your girlfriends. I’ll watch the kids.”

A recent study conducted at Purdue University found that long-distance couples have fewer trivial arguments than those couples who live with each other. “Because their time together is so precious, [long-distance lovers] really make an effort to reserve time for the relationship when they do see each other,” explains Mary Carole Pistole, Ph.D., an associate professor of counseling psychology at Purdue University.

To reap the benefits of space, manufacture your own distance by buying her a plane ticket for a minivacation from you.

I adore . . . ”

“I adore your freckles.”

In order to feel sexy, a woman first has to feel beautiful. “Women get intimacy from words,” says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., of Rutgers University, the author of Why We Love. “You look beautiful” is a fine comment. But follow up by complimenting her on something that is unique to her, like her laugh or her freckles. This assures her that you find her attractive, as opposed to every other woman in the room.

I’ve always thought . . . ”

“I’ve always thought it would be fun if you didn’t use your hands.”

During those times when the two of you are on solid ground and you want to move things to a higher plane, consider pushing the boundaries a bit. A recent survey of 2,000 women found that two out of three were interested in light bondage. The key is to keep the adventure positive. “Don’t imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale,” says Elliott. “When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it’s about having a good time, not fixing something that’s broken.”

Let’s show the kids . . . ”

“Let’s show the kids our honeymoon photos.”

Reminding your wife of commonalities you share—whether it’s a birth date, a passion for Japanese architecture, or your favorite vacation spot—will ignite her desire for you, suggests recent research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. There’s even a scientific term for the phenomenon: “implicit egotism.” It means we humans are attracted to things and people that remind us of ourselves.

I’ll meet you . . . ”

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom after I fold the laundry.”

In a study of 3,500 people completed in 2003, researchers at the University of California at Riverside found that men who performed the most domestic chores were more sexually attractive to their partners than husbands who never or rarely pitched in around the house. Again, women react to verbal cues: It helps to nonchalantly mention it whenever you feel the urge to wash, dry, or fold.

Let me . . . ”

“The weather’s terrible. Let me pick up the kids from day care.”

Women prefer mates who are protective and heroic rather than reckless and risk-taking, according to a study published recently in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior.

In the study, which involved 52 women, researchers described fictional men who decided whether or not to climb a steep mountain, travel alone in treacherous terrain, or jump into a river to save a drowning child. The majority of the subjects said they admired the men who took heroic risks but were not very impressed by the thrill-seeking adventurers.

“A woman wants a mate who is going to survive to continue being a provider and protector for her children and her,” explains study author William Farthing, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Maine.

Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/simple-phrases-to-turn-her-on/Let_me.php#ixzz1U4RENU1t


Sexual Advice For Single Women

July 27, 2011

It is no wonder that you women are more confused than ever. You have been bombarded by multiple conflicting messages about sex and relationships. In a case of “Art Imitating Life” the TV show entitled: Sex in the City demonstrated women’s sense of conflictedness about sex and relationships. They proved to be ultimately clueless and tended to reinforce their own stereotypes. Carrie, the supposed expert on sex based upon her column was just as clueless about men and relationships as the rest of her girlfriends. This illustrates a problem in our society. We do not have any male advice columnists. If you are having trouble with a man, does it not make sense that you would go to a man for advice and counsel? The problem is, is that there are no nationally published male advice columnists.

I have confronted women’s magazine editors over the issue that their advice to women is always written by women. Invariably, these advice writers rarely confront women to tell them that they are doing anything wrong or damaging to their relationship with their man. What you get effectively from these writers is that they pat women on the bottom and reassure them that they are fine and it is the man’s fault. I will address this further in another chapter on how the feminists and the media are ruining your sex life. I will also explain the word MISANDRY in that chapter. It is a word and a concept that you really need to become familiar with and to be proactive in combating.

I differ from women advice columnists in that I am equal opportunity proponent. I take on men when they need to be confronted, and I take on women as well. I explain how each hurts their relationship, wittingly or unwittingly. If you really want to learn things and make things better in your relationship and are willing to hear critique, then I am your guy. If you just want me to be patronizing and pat you on the fanny and tell you that you are wonderful, don’t read my column.

Not only will I take on the feminists and the media, I will take on the church as well. I can do this because I was formerly a Baptist minister.
The church ignores the sexual issues that are contained in the Bible. There are numerous positive messages in the Bible about sex. There is even a school for sex mandated in the New Testament for women in how to love their husbands that you never hear preached or taught on.
According to the Bible, sex is a gift from God. All you ever hear in church are the “thou shall nots” about sex, you never hear any positive messages on sex or the positive commands about sex in the Bible.

You can’t trust the media either. All they ever want to do is print the sensational and the salacious. Truth is rarely found in the pages of the media. For example, according to the media, they often quote: “The world’s oldest profession” is prostitution. This is not even close to being true. If the media had any integrity, and believe me they don’t, they would tell you about all of the other professions that came before prostitution. You can find these professions listed in the Bible in succession: Shepherd, farmer, contractor, rancher, musician, blacksmith, hunter, boat-builder, winemaker, well digger and then prostitution. None of that of course is sensational and would not sell newspapers, so they sacrifice truth for sensationalism, expediency and profits. Trust nothing that you read in print without checking it out with numerous other sources.

Now let me give you some very important advice about sex and men, especially if you are single. Sex in dating has become so devalued that it is looked on as little more than a good night kiss. It is not a question of if, but only when you have sex with a guy you are dating.
I submit to you that you need to become much more selective about engaging in sex. Women have adapted the practice of having sex with the guy and hoping for the best. You are invariably disappointed. You are looking for that “knight in shining armor” to sweep you off of your feet. You want the “happily ever after” of love marriage and children. I submit to you that you need to get to know early on what the man is all about and what his goals are in terms of love and marriage. Often guys are just looking to have fun with a woman and have casual sex. In other words, many of them are just looking to get laid. You need to get rid of those guys before you ever let them into your bed and into your pants. You really don’t want to just be used as someone’s piece of ass.

Too many of you are so taken with romance that you don’t want to ask any hard questions up front, to your own detriment. The problem is, that for every guy that you sleep with that does not develop into a relationship, you become a little harder, more jaded and cynical and less trusting. You must guard your heart and your body. We have epidemic venereal diseases today, some of which are lifelong, or even fatal. Before you let that guy into your pants, you need to see a very recent negative Aids test and testing for all other venereal diseases like Herpes. I know that sounds very cold and unromantic, but I am trying to be pragmatic here and protect you. You need to protect yourselves. Any guy worth having will not have a problem with doing this for you. If he is unwilling, run the other direction.

The other thing is that you want to know that he has a good job that he can provide for your family. You also want to know if he is seriously marriage and family minded. What kind of father does he aspire to be? These are questions that you need to have answered before you ever engage in sex with him. If he passes on all of these questions and you are still considering sleeping with him and he still wants to be with you, he needs to pass one final test before you have sex with him. You need to ask him to read the part of this book that teaches men how to make love with you. Sadly, there is no “SCHOOL FOR SEX FOR MEN” out there to teach them how to make love with you and satisfy you. You already know from experience that what I am saying is true. Most men are just clueless about making love with a woman. Even if he is reasonably okay in bed, reading my instructions will make him fantastic in bed. Don’t you want to have a great sex life? So bottom line is to have him read my instructions and reassure you that he is willing to follow those directions in bed. If he does this, then have sex with him.

This will take 3 or 4 dates to find this information out. You could take matters into your own hands and go online to dating sites and put all of this in your profile. You don’t need to date a lot of men, you need to date a few quality men that are already pre-screened by your clear description of what you are looking for in a man that is contained in your profile. Yes, I know that it will scare a lot of men off. That is my idea. You don’t need the men that it will scare off, you need the men who read it and it makes sense to them. We have a model of what a good man should look like in the Bible as listed in the following verses:

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it;…so men out men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church;…For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh…Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; Ephesians 5: 25,28,29,31,33

Likewise you husbands, dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers might not be hindered. I Peter 3:7

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking who he may destroy. I Peter 5:8

I would even encourage you to put these scriptures in your profile in describing the kind of man that you are looking for. You are then again by using these scriptures in your profile pre-screening guys that are not seriously marriage minded.

I know that you still dream of the “happily ever after”. According to David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead who are co-directors of the Marriage Project at Rutgers University, they have found the following factors yield the best chance at long-lasting satisfying marriage: having similar goals and interests, know each other well but don’t live together before they get married, come from intact families, marry after age 25, and are not expecting a child, similar in age, race, religion, political beliefs, education, intelligence and values. The payoff of a good marriage is personal happiness, more and better sex than singles, economic success, health and long life, and very positive benefits for the children.
This is the kind of advice that I have given to single women in my family. If you follow it, you have a much higher chance of having “happily ever after”.


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