THE LOST BOYS? HAS THE MEDIA-CREATED IMAGE OF MEN WHO NEVER GROW UP SPAWNED A NEW GENERATION OF MALES EAGER TO PROVE THEIR WORTH?

June 23, 2012

I was heavily quoted in this piece about women’s sexism. Here is the note I received stating that the magazine article was now posted. He also referred to my new book to be published in January

John,

Thank you again for your willingness to talk about the media perception of men. We have developed that story and do have it online. You will receive an email from Burgundy but I wanted to personally send you the link. Thank you again for your wonderful input (http://www.burgundymag.com/index.php/health/wellness/415-media-perception). It was greatly appreciated.

Regards,
Kevin

J. Kevin Powell
PIIP Media, LLC
1532 Bubbling Creek Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30319
http://www.PIIPmedia.com
http://www.BurgundyMag.com
PIIP Media is a company focused on changing how we view society through uplifting entertainment that is commercially viable. We believe in developing a strong empowering presence in our community by creating an energy through our products that recasts the world in a brighter light. Our media, and associated products, rejuvenate the souls of those who use them.

Category: Wellness
Published on Friday, 22 June 2012 14:02
Written by J. Kevin Powell

 
Just a few years ago, a minivan commercial showed a father, so eager to shut out the sounds of his children, he couldn’t wait to get them in the car to turn on the DVD players. Dr. Richard Horowitz was so enraged he wrote the automaker who soon removed the commercial.
 
Jason Hundley, an X-ray Tech in Radcliffe, Kentucky, continually avoids the pack of women at work who constantly refer to men as children, dogs and ‘just like the men on tv’. Incensed even more by the “we know you’re not like that” comments, he’s searched for ways to fight for male rights.
 
Affected by the omnipresent definition of happily every after being limited to the woman’s determination of the meaning, John Wilder, a marriage coach, has seen the build up of anger in men over the years. He attributes the demeaning media perception of men to misandry and reeducates couples on roles in their relationships.
 
Dr. David Power, who abhors the Tim the Tool Man stereotype portrayed through various television shows and commercials, routinely does the laundry and cooks for himself. With a baby in the house, his two sons know when he calls a code brown, to get diapers, wipes and help daddy change the baby’s diaper. He’s started a fight club.
 
While the media continues to portray men as grown kids who need to be coddled and directed by the strong hand of their mother-like spouses, men throughout America are fighting back. Men are growing weary of this characterization, even in a limited tongue and cheek manner.
 
“Men who are more mature and have families, those men are somewhat confused about the world,” said Dr. Horowitz, who now runs GrowingGreatRelationships.com with his wife.
 
The appreciation for the everyday male has seemed to wane in recent history. It seems as if a male simply takes care of his home, he’s still doing something wrong. If he does dress well, then he still may not be metrosexual enough. If he is a good guy, he doesn’t possess enough raw aggression to spark the chemistry of a bad boy. And if he is a bad boy, well, of course he’s a project that can be fixed.
 
But a large amount of confusion seems to be attributed to the power of the feminist movement and the confusion that era has brought to men in America.
 
Origins
 
Women’s rights began in 1913 but didn’t end in 1920 when women received the right to vote. In her book,Stiffed, Susan Faludi attributes much of the change of women’s gender roles to WWII when many women were needed to work in support of the war effort and take care of both gender roles at home.
 
This period sparked an undercurrent of misandry as men returned home and attempted to reinsert themselves into their traditional gender roles, roles women now knew they could perform.
 
However, John Wilder, author of the soon to be published Sex Education for Adults, Secrets to Amazing Sex and Happily Ever After Too, states rearing of women during this period did not significantly change. Many women were not, and still are not, raised in a critique-friendly environment similar to young men.
 
As women learned to openly analyze men’s actions, there was no education on how receiving it. Even worst, men learned never to say anything.
 
“The number one complaint I get from men is women do not make it safe to critique women,” said John. “Women say they want equality, but they want absolute dominance. Most [men] had coaches and grew up accepting critique where women take it personally.”
 
John states that while women sought equality socially, they didn’t accept it within their interpersonal relationships.
 
Dr. Powers knows too well the application of this thought. Gathering with his church fight club, men often tell stories of intentionally doing some type of chore or assignment wrong. Feeling there is no way to do the task right without being criticized, or being able to make any critical comment, why even try?
 
Passive aggressive men give in recognizing they’ll eventually lose the fight and she’ll correct whatever he did anyway, John added. Women who feel they’ve been critiqued go through fanatic efforts to teach their male partner to never critique them again.
 
As female writers, advertisers, marketers and others in media continue to increase their influence, and men who either stay silent or help push the stereotype continue using the perception in the name of ‘what sells’, men continue to see the media images of them grow in ways that are uncomfortable.


The Secret To Happily Ever After for Women

April 10, 2012

Ladies, sin came into the world through a rebellious woman. Sadly there are a lot of relationship problems today
for the same reason. So many women grew up with the notion of “happily ever after” but never gave a single thought
as to what that looked like for men.

The idea is to take care of each other and fulfill each other’s idea of happily ever after. Self centeredness is the
chief cause of marital breakups. The second most common cause of marital break ups is the lack of good conflict resolution
skills. I have several blog posts in the archives about how to resolve conflicts peacefully and I would recommend
that you check them out if you really want to get along with your mate.

But back to the happily ever after issue. Here is the very simple secret to “happily ever after”. Don’t say no
to your partners wants, needs and desires unless it is immoral, unethical or abusive. No is such an ugly word.
It implies that your wants, needs and desires are secondary to mine and I can’t be bothered with yours. You
have to understand how corrosive that is on a relationship.

There is a basic law that success breeds more success and failure breeds more failure. When you give to
your partner, it is a success for both and it tends to bring giving out in your partner which breeds more
success. When you tell your partner no, then they tend to act out in a passive aggressive manner and refuse
your requests which leads to failure and dysfunction.

Sadly I experienced failure with a woman because she initially agreed with my premise to not say no and then
broke up with me because I told her that I loved the “girly girl look” of women in skirts and dresses. Her
answer was: “no man is going to tell me what to wear”. In other words she did not care at all what I liked
and wanted, I could just stuff it and she chucked the budding relationship.

Ladies, try it my way for 30 days with the man in your life and see if you don’t have a happier more romantic
and more fulfilling life with him. Let me know how it works for you. I am praying that you all have
better and more fulfilling relationships.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Mistakes Men Make In Their Love Relationships

April 6, 2012

What Women Want In Relationship and Mistakes That Men Make

I have been accused by some women that I am a misogynist because I write about mistakes that women make in relationships. I do write more about that than anything else because no one else has the courage to suffer the slings and arrows that I do.
I am not anti woman or a misogynist, I am simply pointing out the common mistakes that women make in their relationships with men. It is just like Sex and The City where Carrie is clueless about men and goes to her gal pals who are equally clueless looking for answers. The problem is that they don’t have the answers. It would be like a guy going to his buddies and asking a guy what it feels like for a woman to be pregnant.

I try to be a resource for women to show them a better way based upon a lot of complaints made by men in my practice and on my blog. But to be fair, I need to take men on for the complaints that women make about men. This is only fair.

First men need to be mature. You need to be ready to commit to a relationship. You need to commit fully to it. You need to have a good job to be able to support a family.
You need to be strong emotionally and emotionally mature. You need to be strong and yet gentle respecting the woman and not trying to bully her. She is your equal and not a possession under your thumb. Never ever use your superior strength against her, it is designed to protect her not to beat her with.

You need to be ready for a family and study on what it means to be a good father as well as a good husband. You need to share the remote letting her watch her own shows in addition to your sports and blow em up movies. That means maybe also taking her to a musical , ballet, or symphony occasionally.

Be willing to go shopping with her at least occasionally and let her try on clothes while you watch and tell her what you like.

When problems arise, be willing to talk them out rationally instead of trying to bully her with shouting, pouting or emotionally withdrawing.

When it comes to sex, far too many men are about getting her done, but it really means is getting yourself done, and letting her needs go by the wayside. When it comes to orgasms, it is always ladies first. Don’t just roll over and go to sleep, but hold her and assure her that you love her, hold her and talk to her afterwards. Women want to feel loved and that you are making love with her instead of just using her as a piece of meat.
You need to be in it for the long haul and not look to other women when the going gets tough.

Well women , I invite you to share your thoughts with what I have written. Have I missed anything? Here is your time to explain what I missed. Just be nice in your comments because I was rooting for your team this time.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
This is my new personal credo. Follow the link to another great blogger.

http://stewart-little.com/

The Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership
Posted on August 24, 2010 by stewartmccoy

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.


Here Are Some Great Survival Tips for Dating After Divorce For Men

February 19, 2012

Dating After Divorce Tips for Men

If you’re a man who has recently found himself sans wedding ring due to the legal termination of a marriage, you might be toying with the idea of dating again. But anyone (even you tough guys) who has been through a divorce knows that putting the goods back out on the market can be difficult and even a little intimidating. So before you do, be sure to check out the following tips to make the leap into the dating pool a successful swim that won’t leave you gasping for air and in need of CPR:

Take the time to get over it. Sure, you might think that the best way to heal an old wound is with a new band aid; but if you start dating new women before your divorce is even finalized, you could be setting yourself up for yet another serious disaster. When you get into a new relationship too soon, there is the threat of infecting your new relationship with issues from your past. So take the time you need to get over your marriage and focus on yourself for a little while in order to be the best you for the next lucky lady who strolls into your life.

Focus on the positives. Anyone who has been through the debilitating agony of a divorce knows that it has a way of completely tearing you down to a point where you feel like you can’t go on another day. Of course you’ve been through hell and there are bound to be times like this; but it is important to try and stay positive—especially when you are dating again. No new woman wants to sit there as you cry and complain about that gold-digging, two-timing ex-wife of yours who left you in financial and emotional ruins. Instead, talk about the parts of life that you enjoy, keep things light and do your best to let your positivity shine through—there is nothing more attractive to a woman than that.

Don’t compare. The whole point of dating is to explore what all is out there, right? So if you’re dating someone new and all you can think about is how she stacks up to the likes of your ex-wife, don’t expect for the new relationship to pan out successfully. The “ex” prefaces the word “wife” for a reason. Instead of judging the new lady in your life and writing her off just because she doesn’t cook your grilled cheese sandwiches just the way the former Mrs. did, embrace the opportunity you have to get to know someone new and accept them who they are—you never know, she just might be able to heat things up in the kitchen better than your ex used to!

Learn from your mistakes. When you reflect back on your marriage, there are sure to be some things that you wish you could change. And while you shouldn’t harp on the mistakes you made and focus only on what might have been with your ex-wife, you should however think about what you can do to make sure that you don’t fall into the same bad habits in your new relationship. Rather than living in the past, try to look at it as a learning experience to grow from and move on to a brighter, happier future.

One of the key things is learning to have peaceful conflict resolution without hurting your girlfriend or new wife. Here is a link to a great article to help you to do that. Peaceful conflict resolution is mandatory if you expect your new relationship to work.

http://www.spirituallyraw.com/profiles/blogs/the-holy-grail-how-to-stop-fighting-with-your-spouse-or-relatives

Another thing is that too many of you guys are still stuck in that old adolescent sexuality of wham bam thank you maam. You need to do it much better. Here is a link to make you into a hero in the bedroom. Believe me, women talk about your sexual performance. If you follow these sex tips, you will be better than 95% of the guys out there and the best that your woman has ever had and she will be much more accomodating of your sexual needs. Thank me later.
https://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com/2011/04/22/forreplay-and-afterplay-how-to-be-a-hero-in-the-bedroom/

And finally, most likely you will be dating women with kids and you need to learn how to deal with step kids. You must understand that they will not welcome you into the family. These kids are still grieving the loss of their parents as a family. They will do anything in their power to break you up and often succeed.

You need to have a meeting of the minds with your new woman and provide a united front to the kids both hers and yours.
One of the most common techniques in their little demon arsenal is saying: “you can’t tell me what to do, you are not my dad” or mom. The answer is simple. You say and get your woman to say as well, no I am not your dad, but I am a parent in this house and you have to do what I say because I am an adult charged with your care while you are over hear as well as your mom.

It would be a great idea to have a meeting with the kids and explain to them that you and your woman will not put up with these kinds of battles but they can have their say as long as it is respectful and then go over the rules of peaceful conflict resolution with them as well. If they break the rules there must be consequences to that. Have a family meeting with you and the woman and the kids and decide among yourselves what those consequences are. This will go a long way to insuring more domestic tranquility and preserving the relationship. Why don’t you email us with your tips on how to do it better.

Sabrina Jackson is a guest post author who shares her advice to men for dating post-divorce. In addition, Sabrina also contributes articles to Best Dating Sites where she provides information about safe dating on the web.
http://www.100bestdatingsites.org


Women Stuck in A Low Sex Marriage, We Have Answers

February 15, 2012

This is a great guest post from another blogger who rates internet dating sites and gives help to those trying to navigate them. Enjoy and her contact info is at the bottom of the post.

John Wilder

Stuck in a Sexless Marriage, Ladies? Here’s How to Fix It:
When you’re married, there is no doubt that maintaining a healthy and consistent sex life is important in connecting with your partner and creating an intimate bond between the two of you. And when that intimacy is faltering due to a sex life that is non-existent, it might seem like your marriage is on shaky grounds as well. So if you can’t remember the last time you and your husband made love, let alone saw each other naked and the word “frustrated” probably doesn’t even begin to describe how you are feeling, be sure to check out the following tips for rediscovering that spark…and you and your husband won’t want to leave the bedroom for days:

Peg the problem. Reflect back on your relationship and see if you can come to a conclusion as to why your husband has stopped asking for sex. Many times, the reason for a sexual decline between partners has to do with the husband’s inability to perform because of medical issues like diabetes or low testosterone. Be sensitive to such factors before you discuss it with your husband, for they may be difficult for him to face.

Also, men who are constantly berated by their wives and feel that they aren’t being respected in the marriage become resentful and will retract sexually. Analyze how you treat your husband to try and determine if that’s the root of the problem so that you can take the initiative to resolve it.

Talk it out. If you’re in a marriage, it should come as no surprise that communication is one of the most important keys to success—you talk about bills, what to have for dinner, and the latest happenings in the neighborhood—but do you talk about what goes on when the lights go out? If sex isn’t a subject that’s on the table for discussion, then it needs to be made a conversation and needs to be made one quick.

Find an appropriate time and place to sit down with your husband and express your concerns about your dwindling or total lack of a sex life. Calmly and rationally explain to him your feelings and the effect it’s having on you and your marriage while being careful not to point the blame or insult him. Ask if there is anything that you have said or done to make him pull away from you sexually. If so, listen to your husband, ask for forgiveness and ask how you can remedy the situation.

Make sex a priority. With lives revolving around hectic schedules, we often get lost in the shuffle of everyday life and sex can unfortunately get put on the back-burner. Well, to put it back on the front burner, you and your husband have to come together and make a conscious effort to set aside time for sex on a regular basis.

Plan for date nights and get rid of the distractions—turn off the TV, forget about your email and put your phone on silent so that you can get back on track to enjoying a successful sex life with your man.

Get Away. Sometimes the trick to igniting the old fire that once burned strong between you and your husband is to simply get out of your same, worn-out, monotonous routines. Making a plan to pack your best lingerie and head out of town for a weekend of sexually reconnecting with your husband has a way of prompting the kind of excitement that you haven’t felt since your honeymoon. Even if you spend just one night at a nearby hotel, a change in scenery could be just what the love doctor ordered.

Seek professional help. Often times, sexless marriages aren’t just a result of busy schedules, but rather much deeper issues. To get to the bottom of it, try talking to a couple’s counselor or a sex therapist. Such forms of therapy can provide a safe environment for open communication so that you can work together to peacefully resolve the problems. A professional in these fields can help you and your husband explore reasons for lack of motivation, examine factors contributing to the issues in the bedroom and can help you to achieve your goals to better your sex life and your marriage.

Sabrina Jackson is a guest post author who enjoys writing about sex and relationships. In addition, Sabrina also owns Best Free Dating Sites where she offers information about safe online dating. Here is her link http://www.bestfreedatingsites.net


More Tips on How To Very Naughty and Yet Moral

January 15, 2012

More Tips on Being Very Naughty and Yet Moral
I had a woman reader enjoy the post about being naughty and yet moral and asked if I planned any followups. I told her that I would do one because I always like to give my readers what they want.

Here is another very naughty thing that is fun to do. Go to the movies and have your wife wear a short skirt. During the movie, slide your hand up that skirt and inside her panties an get her off right there in the movies. She will have to bury her head on your shoulder for when she comes so as not to attract attention of everyone in the theatre. It is a little bit dangerous which makes more exciting. Be a gentleman and have a fresh pair of panties in your pocket for her to change into because the panties that she has on will be soaked.

Go to the drive in movies if they still have one in your town and do it in the drive in theatre like teenagers and let out a scream when you or she comes. People around you will hear you but won’t be able to see in the car.

If you enter a building with a freight elevator, you can stop it without an alarm going off and do it right there in the elevator.

Go to an amusement park and go on the ferris wheel and slide your hand up her skirt and get her off right there on the ferris wheel, people can see her panties when you come to the bottom of the rotation and get a peek but then you go back up again. It is very naughty.

When you go shopping, go into the dressing room with her and do it right there in the dressing room.

Use your own imagination to do something very naughty and over the top and have fun and have more sex. It feels good and you need more of it. Good sex at least twice a week has been proven to decrese the changes of a heart attack by over 50%

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder


Great Advice For Single Women

January 9, 2012

I have a friend named Ada Burch who had a very traumatic experience this year. Her fiance tried to kill her. She refuses to be a victim and has bounced back like only she can. I commend her blog to you for your enjoyment. Blessings on you and yours John Wilder
On Dating Filed under: Ada Burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, January 4, 2012 Rate This

Some have called me a relationship expert. While I would not go that far, I have learned some valuable lessons that can be shared. I have had several requests
Respect yourself – If you respect yourself, then others will too. If you do not respect yourself you will allow others to treat you any way they see fit. It’s not about them, it’s about you.

Speak – There is no value in playing coy. Speak your mind, and if a man doesn’t like it, he is not the right man. You have to speak up if you want to have have your needs met in a relationship. Suffering in silence does no one any good.

Be feisty – Don’t be afraid to be feisty, Demand respect, call a man on his shit, and don’t be willing to compromise on deal breakers or what is important to you. There are men out there who will try to knock you down and insult you for being feisty and standing up for yourself. Don’t listen to them. You don’t have to be mean or ugly, simply don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want in a relationship.

Be a lady – If you behave like a contestant on Jerry Springer, you will have men and relationships that could be on Jerry Springer. Always be a lady…and men will treat you like one. If a man does not treat you like a lady, which means with respect and kindness, then he is not the man for you.

Walk away. Believe them the first time – There is a saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This is very true in dating. If the man mistreats you, then he has shown you who he is.

Love should feel good, it should not hurt. And sometimes we spend so much time trying to hang on or fix what feels bad that we forget to make room for what feels good. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel good, then it’s time to walk away.

Believe them the first time… You don’t have to be the nice girl – While you should always be a lady, you don’t always have to be “nice.” That means don’t be afraid to walk away, or simply not take any crap. Sometimes it is easy to get caught in the Nice girl trap…you give chance after chance to a guy who keeps mistreating you. Because you want to be nice, because you want to be fair, because you don’t want to be a bitch. Forget that! If he doesn’t treat you right, he doesn’t deserve another chance.

The only men who have ever resented me not taking any of their crap, where those who were really trying to get away with something. If the guys is right for you, there will be no crap that you have to take or put up with.

Sex – A relationship is much more than sex. However, life is too short to settle for bad sex. So if you are not getting what you want, talk to him about it, and if that doesn’t work, move on. Know that you are good enough.

When in the game of dating, it is easy to have doubts about yourself. My friends and I have been criticized for not picking up the tab on a first date (we are the girls) to dressing too sexy, to not dressing sexy enough, making too much money, not making enough…and everything in between. While it is natural to have doubts, know that you are good enough. you are pretty enough, you are sexy enough. You, just you, are enough, just the way you are.

And however you are…own it. Be honest.

Dating should be fun, but don’t play games with others feelings. Karma is a bitch, and you do not want to cross her. Have fun. Dating should be fun. Laugh, play, enjoy yourself and the intrigue of getting to know another human being. And who knows, maybe you could find the love of your life.

Move slow. People are complex and flawed, don’t rush in. Falling in love is a wonderful, beautiful process and sometimes we are in such a hurry, we forget to enjoy the process. Taking your time also makes sure that he is what you think he is. When we rush in, we can give the other person characteristics that they may or may not have. We can make assumptions about who and what they are. Only time will tell. And if a man starts moving faster than what you are comfortable with, then that is a red flag. Some men move quickly for a reason. If you express not wanting to move fast, and he pressures you anyway, walk away.

Red Flags. Pay attention to them. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in dating and liking that person, that we ignore those red flags. Paying attention to them can save you from a broken heart, a lot of drama and could even safe your life. Trust your gut. No matter what, always follow your gut. So many times we, especially women, ignore our gut feelings because we can’t put a finger on the red flag or feeling of uneasiness. We want to be nice, to give that persona chance…but our guts are good to us, and rarely, if ever, wrong. No matter what anyone says, always trust your gut. Laugh. Laugh with him, laugh when one of you does something silly, laugh after a fight, and if you have a bad date, laugh at him while having wine with your girlfriends. This is a start. Now go out there are date. 🙂


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