Dating Tips To Make You Better

August 16, 2011

By Lauren Romano – Mon Jun 13 1:57pm PDT
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I was a waitress on and off for a few years, and it gave me a surprising amount of insight about dating and relationships. It’s one of the benefits of observing people as well as being able to converse with them. I also overheard quite a few conversations, some of which certainly caught me off guard. Being a waitress is typically not an easy job, but you meet a lot of people, and after awhile, you’re able to point things out about them from across the room that may seem less obvious to those around them. Whether I was a counter waitress or waiting on tables, I learned quickly that you can learn quite a bit about dating and relationships just by listening and observing.

Don’t monopolize the conversation

I can’t tell you how many times I watched two people on a date where one person was monopolizing the conversation and the other could barely say a single word. I would see the silent person’s face go from interested to bored to irritated and the other person didn’t seem to have a clue. When you’re conversing with your date, ask questions and listen well. You’re also there to enjoy the food, so don’t rush to fill every bit of silence with chatter — especially when you’re chewing at the same time. Speaking of which, talking with your mouth full is not attractive.

Little surprises will get you major points

One night, a woman walked off to the restroom and her date frantically waved me over and asked if he could quickly have two slices of cake. As I placed them on the table, he apologized for rushing me and told me he wanted to surprise his date because it was her favorite cake and he wanted to show her he remembered that she told him about it weeks before. She had a look of confusion and surprise as she sat down, and he presumably told her what he told me, because her face lit up and she had a big smile on her face. When you take the initiative to surprise someone you care about, it can completely make their day and earn you some major points. Also, listening well is going to be a major part of having a good relationship.

Beware of the cell phone

There is a good chance that your partner, at one point or another, searched through your phone when you weren’t looking and checked your texts or missed calls. I’ve seen more than enough people grab their date’s phone when the person got up from the table to use the restroom. I’ve also seen plenty of arguments over what was found. Several times, the person even had permission to use the phone for one reason or another. There’s a few things to learn from this situation; lock your phone and don’t do anything that can be considered scandalous with anyone other than the person you’re dating and, if you do, don’t leave the information on your phone, especially if you give your partner permission to use it. Also, whether or not you have permission to use someone’s phone, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to snoop.

There’s no age limit for a new relationship

There was an older couple I was waiting on once and they looked so in love with each other it was amazing. When I put down their drinks, the older gentleman looked at me with a smile and said about his date “Isn’t she beautiful? It’s our two year anniversary.” Another waitress told me the couple is in their early 70’s. Despite what some may think, they’re a true testament that there’s no age limit for finding a new love.

Being nice to waitstaff can make or break your date

As any waitress could tell you, not every customer is going to be nice. When you’re on a date and you’re rude to your waitress, there’s a good chance your date is not going to be happy. A guy was once so rude to me I thought his date was going to throw her plate at him. He didn’t ask nicely for anything, he only demanded. He also threw his gum into a cloth napkin, handed it to me with the gum stuck on top of it, and told me to hurry and bring him a new one; the rude behavior continued for the rest of the time he was there. On the way out, his date apologized for his behavior and told me she’s never seeing him again. The nicer you are to those around you and not just to your date, the more it’s going to put you in a good light.

The best dates were always when each person had general respect for each other. They listened to their date, asked questions, and genuinely just wanted to put a smile on the person’s face. It’s easy to be nervous when you’re out with someone you like, but the next time you’re on a date, keep in mind that the best thing you can do is be yourself, be respectful, show interest and everything else will fall into place.

More from Lauren:

Revenge On An Ex, Is It In Your Best Interest?

May 12, 2010

It is natural to want to strike back at someone who has hurt you.  Remember the words of God;  Revenge is mine sayeth the Lord


Is Revenge a Bad Thing?

Page 2

RevengeWhen it comes to revenge, keeping a clear head is important – it’s never a good idea to let yourself get too carried away. It’s also important to keep in mind that as much as we love a good get-even tale, all too often it ends up being a colossal waste of time and energy spent on someone who’s just not worth it. In fact, according to Barbara Feld, LCSW, a therapist with Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City, even though it might make you feel good, there are “very few positives” when it comes to seeking revenge. “It keeps you obsessed with your ex and doesn’t help you let go and move on with your life,” she says. “[Revenge] drives passion, and allows hate to really drive the whole system,” adds Feld, pointing out that this negative energy can actually be damaging to you.

Read Moving On After My Breakup

So what does she suggest? Find a more positive way to channel your energy. Rather than allowing this ex to run your life, Feld says you should zero in on yourself. “Making a good life for yourself is the best revenge in a weird way.” Besides, she says, “Who knows if he’s even paying attention?”

David, from Madison, AL, says he tries to follow Feld’s advice and leaves any vengeful acts up to karma. “I find it much safer and saner to just bide my time,” he says. “When fate deals my object of vengeance a bad hand in life I just secretly take credit for it. This way, I get to feel satisfaction without doing something stupid.”

No matter how much someone has hurt you and how badly you want to lash out, remember that acting on your vengeful fantasies could actually hold you back – and the last thing you want is to be tied to someone who made you feel this way. “The truth is that you just have to let go,” says Feld. As she explains, your top priority should be moving on with your fabulous life – without that awful ex.

Tell us: How do you feel about revenge? Have you ever done something to get even with an ex?

Kathryn H. Cusimano is an assistant editor at BettyConfidential.

Saving Face

February 2, 2010

When people argue, they go on the attack against the person that they are arguing with.  People are hard wired to fight.  The problem is that there has to be a winner and a loser in a fight.

People will fight to the point of dysfunction to avoid being the loser in a fight.

People need to learn to attack the problem instead of the person.

There is an oriental philosophy of “saving face”  This is widely practiced in oriental culture.  It is the notion that you show respect for everyone and that you would never ever consider doing anything that would cause anyone embarrassment, humiliation or becoming socially uncomfortable.  It is essentiall the “Golden Rule” on steroids.  This is something that we should practice in our Western culture.

Instead we are loud and abrasive and opinionated and it is all about I, me, mine.

We are known as Ugly Americans in other cultures with good reason.  This practice is the reason that we have a 50% divorce rate in this country.

 In JapanJapan divorce rate is approximately 27%. One in every four marriages ends up to divorce. According to Reuters, The number of divorces annually has almost doubled since 1990, with 264,000 couples formally breaking up in 2000. From 2000 to 2004, there is a little bit drop in the divorce rate in Japan.

If we compare the japan divorce rate with the divorce rates of the other countires:
Divorce rate per 1000 couples

Japan: 2.2
Germany: 2.4
France: 1.9
Italy: 0.7
UK: 2.6
Sweden: 2.4

So we see that our so called civilized culture has nearly double the divorce rates of other cultures.  How civilized our we?

As a western society we have embraced the disposable lifestyle.  We discard kids, families, for the immediate gratification.  As a result of this disposable mentality with our kids, we are far down on high school graduation rates as this chart indicates.

We need to do better as a society.

High School Graduation Rates in Select OECD Countries [120] – Country [980] High School Graduation Rates in Select OECD Countries [120] – High school graduation rate [981]
  Denmark  96% 
  Japan  93% 
  Poland  92% 
  Germany  92% 
  Finland  91% 
  Switzerland  88% 
  Czech Republic  85% 
  France  85% 
  OECD Average  82% 
  Belgium  79% 
  Ireland  76% 
  Slovakia  73% 
  United States  72% 
  Sweden  71% 
  Iceland  70%

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