FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY
As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. Maybe you are experiencing less than great sex with the man in your life or past men in your life. As a man speaking in defense of men, there is really no place for men to learn how to give our partners great sex. There is no SCHOOL FOR SEX out there. We all know where the body parts go, but men for the most part do not adequately understand a woman’s sexuality and how to give you fantastic sex. It is for this reason that I am writing this article. If you share this article with the man that you care about and tell him that you would really like to experience these things and ask him to do them with you, I promise, you will have better more enjoyable sex.
In conversations with women, I have come to understand that you need a transition period from the rat race to moving towards making love with your man. Most of you don’t have an “instant on” like men.
1. Brushing Hair Now I realize that for most of you, you are not necessarily going to get sexually aroused from having your hair brushed. What it does however is to give you that transition time to move towards sexual availability. The act of having your hair brushed is very pleasurable and releases endorphins in the brain. You feel pampered and that pampered feeling then causes you to have affectionate feelings towards your man. Five to ten minutes of hair brushing is a wonderful way to decompress from the daily grind. Animals instinctively groom each other and is something that we should do more. Your life will be better with more tactile stimulation.
2. Head to Toe Massage This technique has worked for me with every partner that I have ever been with. It is so effective as an arousal technique that I had an ex wife who would not make love with me unless I gave her a massage first. I start by stoking and lightly scratching a woman’s scalp with my fingernails. I then proceed from her neck all the way down to her feet. I spend more time massaging a woman’s butt like I am kneading bread. You have nerve endings in your butt that you did not even know that you have. I have never failed getting a woman wet from massaging her butt. I go on down and spend time massaging her feet. There is good reason for this. All of the nerve endings in your body terminate in your feet. By massaging the feet, you stimulate and wake up all of the nerves in a woman’s body. It prepares the rest of her body to be stimulated and aroused.
3. Let Your Man Undress You But Stop Him at Bra and Panties. (Author’s aside: So many of you out there are wearing utilitarian underwear, white nylon panties with no lace and a functional bra. Men get turned on visually, make sure that you have lacy and frilly bras and panties. Would you want a present that was not nicely wrapped or a cake with no frosting on it? Men need to see you in lacy and frilly lingerie.) The logic behind the man undressing you and having you stop him at bra and panties is to slow him down. The act of undressing you is a turn on for both of you as well. I tell my clients sex feels good, why rush it. Far too many men treat lovemaking like they do masturbation, they want to get it over in a hurry. Once you are down to bra and panties, have him continue a different variation of massage by lightly and slowly running fingertips up and down your entire body on both sides. This is incredibly arousing for you.
4. Lightly Stroke Nipples Through The Bra The idea behind keeping those bras and panties on and slowing down also reminds us of a bygone time in high school where we were furtively fondling. It adds to the excitement. Having your man lightly stroking your nipples through the bra gets them erect. Then let him slide his hand inside the cup of the bra before you allow him to remove your bra, all the while kissing you. Then he can remove the bra and proceed to more vigorous stimulation of your breasts and nipples by sucking them hard and fondling your breasts.
5. Stimulate you and stroke you through your panties Have him lightly stoke the midline of your vagina back and forth through your panties. Then have him blow hot breath through the panties over your clitoris. The warmth of his breath and the pressure of his lips on your mound through the panties is wonderfully arousing. Then have your man hook a finger inside the leg band of your panties and have him run his finger up and down inside the leg-band of the panties on both sides without actually touching your vagina. This will have you becoming very aroused and getting wet. After a few minutes of him doing this, then you can let him slide his hand inside your panties. It is not only arousing but brings back those memories of heavy petting in high school or maybe even junior high for some of you. After an extended session of this, then have him pull your panties off very slowly. The slow removal of panties is very erotic and sensual. If you really want to turn it up a notch and get passionate, have him literally rip your panties off by hooking his hand in the waistband and with one very strong yank, literally rip them off of you. What you lose by the panties being ruined, you gain in tremendous arousal. Every partner that I have ever done this with has gotten incredibly turned on because of the fear and the excitement that the act engenders in them. Most women like to be taken forcefully sometimes by a strong confident man.
6. Vaginal Penetration with the Tongue. Most men naturally go for your clitty (author’s slang term for clitoris. It sounds much cuter and not so damned clinical). Instead ask him to run his tongue up and down between your vaginal lips and then have him penetrate your vagina repeatedly with his tongue. You will find this incredibly arousing and better prepares your clitty for stimulation with his tongue.
7. Clitty Stimulation Techniques Instead of licking your clitty right away, have him gently pull back the foreskin (yes the hood over your clitty is analogous to a man’s foreskin on an uncircumcised penis.) He then can suck on your clitty like he is sucking a milkshake though a straw. This will cause your clitty to swell from engorging with blood similar to a man getting an erection. It will actually lengthen and grow in circumference similar to a man’s erection. He then can move up and down like you do giving him a blow job. It is a clitty blow job and feels wonderful. After a few minutes of that he can use what I call the “machine gun tongue”. This is a super fast stroking of your clitty with his tongue that will give you powerful orgasms. The way to do that is to have him flex his tongue against his upper lip to use as a spring and forcefully flick his tongue past that upper lip onto your clitty. This enables him to move his tongue much faster simulating a vibrator. For even more stimulation, have him growl like a bear while he is doing this. The act of growling makes his vocal cords vibrate which will then transmit those vibrations through his tongue onto your clitty.
8. Multi-sensory Inputs As you know, most women are better at multi-tasking than are men. Lovemaking is one area where you would benefit by encouraging your man to multi-task. While he is licking and sucking on your clitty, he can be penetrating your vagina with his fingers in and out with one hand and rolling your nipple around in his fingers with the other hand. The additional stimuli you will find very arousing. There is a precedent for this. Phil Spectre pioneered what he called the “Wall of Sound”. This technique involved adding multiple tracks of sound for a lusher musical auditory experience. Chefs use what they call “Adding layers of Flavor”. The point is, the multi-sensory inputs mean better pleasure for you just like in cooking and music.
9. Anal Stimulation Many people view this as a taboo. That is too bad because there are incredible pleasure nerve endings in the anus. This is of course when you want to be squeaky clean maybe just after a romantic shower for two. If you want to be absolutely antiseptic (which is not necessary, I have never gotten sick from giving a partner a “rim job”) you can take an antiseptic baby wipe and wrap it around a finger and clean the inside of the anus. At any rate have your man lick the anus and then penetrate your anus with his tongue in and out. Have him spread your butt cheeks apart so that he can enter it even deeper with his tongue. Once you get past the idea and let yourself go (and him too) you will find that it is incredibly arousing. Be willing to do it to your guy as it is very pleasurable for us as well. In another article I will explain how to have anal sex and that you can actually climax with anal sex. This article is about foreplay not actual intercourse.
10. Stroking your vagina with his penis. Before your man enters you for intercourse, have him take by now his erect penis and stroke it between your vaginal lips and on your clitty. Have him tease the entrance of your vagina with it. This will cause you to get exceedingly wet and your vagina can actually ache from the desire to be penetrated. Believe me two or three minutes of this kind of stimulation will have you literally begging him to take you and enter you. That will of course be a huge turn on and compliment for him.
Now I know that the idea of after play to you seems unlikely.
You feel that you don’t get enough foreplay and usually once a man
Climaxes, then it is usually all over. Tell your man that you still
Have climaxes left in you and you would like him to get you off
some more. Tell him how horny he makes you and that you
want more of him. This is usually enough to persuade him.
11. Getting additional Orgasms Most men do not understand
That once he has you to this level of sexual excitement, it is a lot easier for you to achieve additional orgasms. Here is how you can easily knock off another ten orgasms. Get a Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. You have to order it on-line. It is the most intense, most powerful vibrator out there. You turn it on high and place it at your clitty. You have your man rhythmically finger you with his thumb, (a thumb is a lot bigger and close to the size of your man’s erect penis in girth) while also sucking on your nipples at the same time. The combination of the multiple sensory inputs will easily and powerfully give you additionally orgasms. This might so turn your man on that he gets another erection for another go round. Be sure and be very complimentary to him for taking such good care of you and you love how he makes you come with multiple orgasms. Positive reinforcement does wonders to encourage your guy to do it for you on a regular basis.
12. Once you are both satisfied, have him go into the bathroom an
And get a large towel and have him soak it in very hot water. Then have him wring it out very well and have him give you a hot towel massage. Have him pay careful attention to cleaning up between your legs. You will feel wonderfully pampered and be sure to ooh and aah. Then have him get a dry towel and dry you off and then have him powder your whole body down with your favorite powder. Then have him climb back in bed with you for cuddling time and spooning. You should put on a pair of silky panties, (not thongs) for spooning because the feeling of his penis against your butt covered by silky panties feels very erotic to him. The silkiness of the back of your panties reminds him of the wonderful feeling of the silky interior of your wet vagina. Have him lovingly stroke your butt through those panties. You will love the feeling of his hand stroking your butt and he will love the feeling of those silky panties against his penis and against his hand. If you include all of these techniques, I guarantee you happier and more satisfied sex.